Words Dump (Friday - Sunday)

Featuring: angst, story stuff, and skit stuff.

Starting with the skit stuff.

(Warning: The water is deep for this post, so be careful before you dive in.)

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So for the past two newest skits, I tried to make the themes of them revolve around Spsrkle as the main one and Duke being a lesser one.

But then I gave up on continuing it. So that's that.

Oh and haha yes. Their birthdays. Duke and Fierdan. Same yet so different. Same soul, perhaps. Same birthday. December 19th.

For the past few years, that day has been awful for me. So I forgot why I chose that day. I think I found some meaning in December and in the number, 19. I also think I didn't make it any number in the 20s because I already knew that characters I liked have birthdays during then. At least I think that's what happened.

December: cold, winter, snow. Opposite of hot, summer, heat. Half a year away from the start of summer (June). Well, in the northern hemisphere. Fire keeps people warm in the cold. Fire is a blessing in the freezing cold. Warmth and December don't really match.

19: Teenage number. The last number of the teenage numbers. Teenage angst vibes which then turns out to be a long list of trauma and settling down with what they've got. And they've got a lot of sh*t. Nine. One less away from ten. Nineteen. One less away from twenty. One less from evenly rounding it off. A frustrating number. A 9 instead of a 0.

December 19. Sagittarius. Fire sign. Extroverted. ... some other traits that I forgot.

. . . . . .

In the story itself, I've been imagining their ages as this: Duke, 17. Fierdan, 19.

But I don't imagine Fierdan creating the DUKE fusion and then bringing it to life through a fetus (wait, what?) when he was two. It's supposed to be two years after Fierdan had fallen to Cincernum.

The ages are really messed up. I'm sorry.

Yeah, ahhhhhh.

In the skits, they're gonna turn 18 and 20. But in the story, they're not gonna reach those ages. Well, in their current body forms.

Yeah ha, ahhhhhhhhhhh.

. . . . . .

Sparkle is only known as having long, bright pink-red hair. Well, that's hair dye. She never left her hair natural for a few years.

I don't remember why I made it like that, but I must have had a reason for it. But yeah. Sparkle is Duke's cousin. It's highly likely that Sparkle is Duke's cousin from his father's side of the family.

Sparkle's natural hair is brown. That's not a surprise, I hope.

The photo in the skit is supposed to be from a very old formal family event. I imagine the girls and women in dresses and the boys and men in dress shirts and pants.

There are two children in the photo- Sparkle and Duke. Sparkle looks happy and lively. Duke tried to appear happy, but it's easy to look beyond that facade. Duke's smiling in the picture, but it also looks like he's trembling. His eyes look empty as if there's no life in them.

Duke's childhood was a whole mess of fear.

In the skit, Duke wanted to destroy the photo. That's the closest you can get to destroying a memory. Duke still lived with Calliah during that time of the family event. Parents fighting and abuse were a regular occurrence.

Yeah, bad times.

As for why Duke couldn't stand seeing Eternal (his dad) in the photo, the skit universe is an alternate universe to what happens after story 1 (Twinkle's Story).

Duke's torture arc is also called his Realizations arc. And yeah., sh*t hurts.

Eternal is paralleled with Z(ios) kinda similarly to how Duke is paralleled with Fierdan. Fathers with their radical beliefs. Extremists.

Spoilers: Duke was actually glamorizing Eternal. Eternal wasn't a good father. Eternal was a bystander. Calliah abused Duke nearly all the time, but he didn't really do anything to try and stop her. He just watched, basically. Later on when Duke's 12 (I think?), Eternal sends Duke away so they can't live together. He sent his son away without giving a proper explanation. Well, that's kind of a parallel to what happened with Z and Danny (Fierdan).

So yeah. :"}

-x-x-

Story stuff: not as long.

Twinkle is such a bad@ss in Chapter 76. There's stabbing and sword throwing. There's gore. There's gore on the sword and on her body.

It's the.. more pleasant type of gore.

Instead of Dylan, I think I'm going to make a character's real name be Jack. Jack is like a trickster and is like the joker card.

Jack, the illusionist. Most intriguing Elemental Power. Most powerful? Ayy, I don't know.

Spoilers: Jinx and Jax are heavily linked.

Jinx, Jax, and Jack are supposed to be closer to Fierdan's age (whatever tf it actually is). The J boys are probably 18 or 19 (so 15 or 16 in the three years less which makes Duke 14 when he's more like 17.. uhh yeah).

And now for my personal dump. :-)

-x-x-

From Friday afternoon.

"I'm so restless. I can't do this."

-x-x-

I was walking around, and then suddenly it happened.

All I could smell was nail polish/nail polish remover.

I didn't even use those products.

Weird.

-x-x-

For the past few days, I've been feeling as if I can't be happy. As if happiness is a foreign concept to me.

I'm still not happy, but I've started feeling a little better on Sunday.

I also have been feeling the heaviness of an empty heart. I can physically feel it nowadays. It's painful in a way.

I've been wanting to tear my heart out, and then crack me open down the middle in the front. Let a demon take my organs.

I still feel like I'm going to crack open one day.

-x-x-

I had a happy dream for once. Still had it's more unpleasant times, but I would still call it a good dream.

I was driving and there was this sign with an arrow pointing down a winding path. I missed the turn the first time around the loop, but I made it the second time.

The road led to a zoo. There was this one big cage that stood out in particular. I thought the bear was ferocious and all gray. When the shadows went away, I saw a smaller and kinder bear. The bear was gray and white. Then it turned into a tapir. I didn't even think of those animals in so long.

I had that dream Saturday morning.

-x-x-

A few days before that, I've had these very vivid dreams (or was I awake during those?) where I poured out all my crap feelings for the past few months especially.

It haunts me still.

It's kinda scary how seriously lonely and hopeless I get. And how seriously I think of letting myself die.

But that's only in the sometimes. I try to not let it get too far. Too bad. Too far gone.

Oh and I forgot to mention. Pouring all that out to my family. Making such a dramatic scene. Yeah haha, I'm emotional too.

-x-x-

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