Personal Life Post

Hello again. This is just another personal post. About, like, my life, my thoughts, my truths.. you know, stuff like that. (Don't worry, this isn't a vent.. for the most part.)

So for this Thanksgiving weekend, I've been hanging out/visiting family relatives (and my two siblings who are in colleges came home too). And honestly, it was fun. I actually did feel happy. For example, today I went to visit some of my Venezuelan cousins who came to the U.S. for some days with my grandma. And yesterday, I visited my cousins (the ones around our ages) with my siblings. And, of course, there being Thanksgiving. Yeah...

And I realized something. Call me stupid, an attention-seeker for so many posts I've made recently.. I don't care (okay, I kinda do.. whatever). When I'm having fun with so much of my family and when it's in a positive environment where everyone's outgoing and themselves, it reflects on me. Because, well, being around all of them made me feel positive after all this time I've been secretly feeling pessimistic. 

I know it's pretty selfish of me to keep on venting about how I think my life sucks. But then again, you know, that's what really bad moodswings that make you feel like you have depression do to you. I also know that not everyone has a fun and supportive family (well, for the most part) like I do. Of course, I'm grateful for that. Yeah, I honestly don't know why I've been venting so much for the past month. 

And when I showed some of my family members my recent poems/writings and drawings. Especially that "Glass World" poem. And then hearing their feedback about it. That.. that just really builds up my self-esteem. It really means a lot to me when my relatives compliment my work (some who work/ed as professional artists, even).

So, the point is, the main reason I've been so down lately is because I've been so lonely lately. But this weekend where I've been socializing with more of my family and relatives that I don't see as often anymore (*cough* colleges and movings *cough*), it made me feel less alone. That people do care a whole lot about me. 

Haha, I don't know where I'm going with this. Just saying, that being around people make me feel less depressed. Like, of course there are some things I can't control. All of them have a focus of what they want to achieve in their future. When I still am highly uncertain on all that. Okay so I've visited a ton of colleges in my lifetime. So I have a brief idea of what majors there are (the sciences and businesses more specifically since that's what my siblings are in, but still). And the only thing that I'm really interested in that doesn't bore me to death like everything else is majoring in something in the art category (like idk, creative writing, journalism, drawing.. you know, the arts). Like, as of right now, that's what I want to do in my life. But the thing is (believe me, I know) getting a job and just living securely is really, really rare as an artist. But yeah, that's what I want to do. And when it's so easy to get a job when you're interested/majoring in a business field (like my brother lol), but you can't stand business classes (I disliked that class in school last year lol). Oh and I'm not that interested in the science or the law or the medical fields either. And when some of my family recommends me to major in a business or law field since it's so much easier to get a job than majoring in an art field, but I don't find any interest in dedicating my life to those two things. It's difficult. (By the way, I have some family members who work in the business and art fields. I know what I'm talking about here.)

Like, I know, I still got some time. But in the long run, 3 years isn't that far down the line. Especially when that's what the majority of my entire family talk about (college and growing up from there). It hurts when I literally am completely unsure about all of that. 

But right now, I'm more stressed about a few of my classes in school. Whether that be due to wanting to be considered "good enough" for advanced classes all the way to other classes being so complicated that I don't think I can stand them (lol oh chemistry how fun). Okay, my stomach faintly hurts because of this. 

Like, okay I don't know. I just start feeling really anxious when I don't fully understand something (especially this time it not being my math class.. for the most part). Like, I am trying. I know I'm smarter than others. But idk, it makes me feel like I'm at 0% since I'm definitely not at 100%. Like, it's all or nothing. Like, when I know I'm not the "best" at the work, I feel like I'm the "worst". Honestly, thinking this way has made me feel depressed. But then as I realized I'm not the only one struggling (yes, we ask for help tons of times), it made me feel better. Now I know that the reasons why I feel depressed and think I actually have depression are pointless. Okay, not pointless. Now I know why I feel that way sometimes, and what triggers me to feel that way (same with anxiety). 

To tell you the truth, I might (and likely will.. heh) regret what I'm saying now and feel stupid tomorrow. So, idk, my feelings are unexpected. Especially since most talk about school makes me feel upset about myself. And just, you know, school. Just school in general. High school. *sigh*

Oh by the way, I told my parents that I've been feeling depressed lately. Yeah, so they know about that. Like, they know I haven't been as happy and social as much as I used to. 

Well, that's basically it. Now have some tips for you guys in case any of you have been feeling how I've been feeling lately. 

1. SOCIALIZE. This is coming from someone who is extremely socially awkward and such an introvert. Believe me, guys. If you've been feeling upset (whether that be physically, mentally, and/or emotionally), talk to someone. Online chatting might not be enough. Talking to someone you know and can trust in real life (IRL) can make all the difference. It makes you feel far less alone. Oh and if you're doubting me, then you're the one who's wrong, not me. It might not be your immediate family, it might not be friends, but please believe me that someone, somewhere cares a whole lot about you. And they're supporting you. And if no one else does, then I do. Even if you have no feelings for other people, I care. Honestly, that's how I am IRL. I've learned it the hard way. There's no point in bottling your feelings up inside yourself just to rot. It's far better to just tell someone. And if you really can't IRL, then please talk to someone online. Support blogs, support websites (like the dawn room.. not my character lol), even me if you really want to. Hiding your feelings away really doesn't solve anything. You are loved. Okay? Okay. 

2. Listen to your favorite music, or listen to some soothing sounds (ex. rain). Like, for me, I've been listening to Twentyone Pilots (and a few other bands). And while listening, I felt kinda better. And besides, listening to some specific sounds has been scientifically proved to make you feel more calm and less anxious (like listening to cats purring lol). Anyway, who doesn't love listening to their favorite songs? I don't know about you guys, but listening to some of my favorite songs motivates and inspires me. Haha, yeah.

3. If it's cold, snuggle up in some cozy blankets and wear comfortable clothes. Maybe even drink a hot beverage as well (lol gotta love some hot chocolate, right? or like tea or something.. idk). And pet your pets or stuffed animals. Um yes, this helps. Uh.. I'm not the only one who does this when I'm upset, right? 

4. Vent. Yeah, just go out and vent. Write down all the reasons why you're upset and then rip it up. Draw a picture and do the same thing. Vent through writing or drawing and post it online. If you feel like you're not ready to go out and tell anyone (IRL) what you're feeling yet, then at least get your feelings out by venting. No one even has to know what you put. No one ever has to see your vents. Believe me, venting is a big help. It really is. 

5. Just do any activity that distracts you from thinking your negative thoughts. Read a book, take a shower/bath, go on a run, do anything you enjoy. Even if you think you're not interested in doing your favorite activities anymore, just do them. Obviously I mean not anything that's harmful of course. It most likely is just negative feelings (ex. depression) that makes you feel not interested in doing activities you like. But please remember, that's not you. You are not your negativity. Your feelings will pass. You'll love your favorite activities again one day. It might not be tomorrow, next week, or next month, but that day will come. You'll feel better. Believe in yourself. You can and you will. 

I hope my lame advise has helped any of you people out there who happen to be reading this. I love you, friends. 

Goodbye.

~ Cutepups <3