Hi.
Today, October 4th, is World Animal Day. Cool.
I slept. But it's like. I'm never not tired. I'm always tired.
Let's all just take a big long nap together. Ok. Let's just nap. It's naptime. You're tired, aren't you? Time to sleep. I don't care what time it is where you are when you read this, I'm just saying. Let's just sleep. Sleep.
The news makes me sad, mad, but never rad. Want to die? Sure. Provoke all things bad? Absolutely.
This year. Just, just screw it. This year is awful. Like, wtf 2016? Wtf.
There's this clown thing going on across the country. The election is soon. There's this hurricane in October.
Like.. geez.. wtf America. (Americans didn't cause the hurricane though btw ily even though i always think everyone who views my posts must hate me.. ayy)
For the past three days now, I've had to endure hours upon hours of conversations about politics. Like, you know, the two presidential candidates. And other US political stuff too. It never ends, man.
I can breathe better now. Woo. Breathing is good. Go try it out. For free. No charge. Keeps you alive. What a gift.
About last post, whelp, I tend to overthink just about all the time. Except when I'm tired and like, "screw it, I'll sleep now". And sometimes overthinking leads me to thinking about people I liked a lot but aren't in my life anymore. Haha ahh, having those thoughts about my fears of abandonment. Woo, sunny, so fun. No, kill me. Boi.
Mmohmygod. People keep on leaving. Where they going? Where you going? Stop with the hate. Spread the love.
I'm irrational. I know that. I know you guys who read my posts don't comment because you don't know what to say. But I view that as you guys are judging me and hating me behind my back. Anxiety.. wowie.
Or maybe you guys are just making up lame excuses. I always think I'm hated. I think it's true. Of course.
I sometimes think about deleting this blog and my other ones. Because, well, clearly I think no one's here anymore. I'm so selfish, ugh, I know. And like. Just changing everything. My blogger profile, my blog name, what both things look like. And just. Starting over. Restarting everything. Not making such a pathetic fool out of myself. Being more distant. Because that's cool. That means no one can hurt me. Being a stranger. Mm, what an idea.
A new blog, new account, new everything. Without even saying anything about it. Some internet privacy. From past things, past people, past memories. I just want to get away from these painful blogging memories.
But will I ever do this? Eh, probably not.
I don't want to be followed. I don't want to risk the anxious feeling that I'm being stalked and hated on this blog. Like, well, fresh. Start fresh. Clean slate. Away from everyone.
Thoughts. Fantasies. That's all it really is.
Honestly, if I just quit posting on this blog altogether, I doubt that anyone will be like, "oh hey where did that Cutepups guy go?". This place is like a wasteland more than half the time.
I find it so hard to imagine ever being missed.
Really though. Is there anyone left on this whole blogging crap thing that would genuinely care if I don't blog anymore? That would genuinely miss me? I don't know, man. It's not like there's anything you could miss about me. What you gonna do? Make up a lame excuse and your false sympathy? Haha, that's funny. Very funny.
This post won't be my last. Don't worry. I've just been wondering if people would comment and be sad if I left. In other words, if anyone would care if I suddenly didn't make any new posts.
I dunno. Just another stupid chain of thoughts of mine. Sorry.
School's tomorrow. Ugh.
This post's a mess.
Bye.
Don't know. I miss the old blogging days. No one really cared that I left, so. I mean, if you left, would the same things happen on this blog? If it's really hurting you, would it be better to leave? I still look at your posts. Don't even know why anymore. Sorry that I don't comment much anymore cutepups, I'm really tired. -A ps, I don't know if you saw I deleted my blog (yet again) but I just didn't feel like blogging. Holding onto the past.. maybe it's too tiring.
ReplyDelete(Ialwayshavedifficultycomingupwithahalfwaydecentreplyingcommentesespeciallytoyouishouldstopthis.)
DeleteAh, well, here goes nothing then. I've just been overthinking about the days when people would comment daily or, well, every time I posted. Then I was thinking too much and missing them. (It really isn't only you- I was thinking and making myself feel hurt for really no reason over other past bloggers/commenters. I miss them so much. And then occasionally seeing a few of them come back to comment once and then not come back here again (or for a long while). It's like "!! oh you're back :D" but then just like that they're gone again. And just in general, it seems that people only comment once in a while. Which in turn makes me think they've gotten sick of me and my blog. For you it's kinda different though because of the other site/s we know each on and all that. New concept I gotta learn- stop living in the past and missing people.
I've been thinking of it for a while now, and I think if I were to ever follow through with the sudden thoughts I get, I'd start a new blog (or maybe just change everything about this blog for good) in 2017. It's just painful viewing things from the past (my content and how I put it; the people who were viewing and actively commenting). And it's just a huge mess. I want to clean up my life, and blogging is a big part of mine at the moment. Ha, ha. Oh and I'm always disappointed in how I reply to comments. They never seem good enough. I don't know what to do about it though.
I don't know. I thought you've been non-verbally (not using words I guess) trying to tell me you're sick and tired of blogging and knowing me on the internet. Oh thoughts.. funnn.
I feel like it's also my fault because I wasn't commenting that much on your blog posts either.
But, um, yeah. I saw you deleted that blog quite a few weeks ago. (da too). And I saw that as you want me to be around you less. I don't know why I get so worried and concerned about you when you delete stuff. Like I feel that something's bad in your life and, idk, sadness. I felt like you don't want me to message you then. Idk just thinking. So I never said anything about all that. 'Cause I always feel like a bother if I would. Still am here lol greattt. I thought the blog was intended to be a stress-free blog where you would post whenever you so wanted. For just random, whatever stuff. But then I saw it gone. Another old blogging friend with a deleted blog. Like most of those other people I've been thinking about. I'll end this comment here. I've said so much already. ...
Yeah, I miss it. The main reason I deleted (my old old blog) is because I didn't want a lot of my emotional/personal information out there, it made me nervous. As well as I've been on a writers block for a really long time, so it's not as if I can make posts. Well, also I don't really like art that much so I don't know why I drew for so long. I guess I just didn't want to hold onto it anymore. And yes, I know it's the others too, I just feel bad because my old comments.. well were better. Anyways I gotta go.. see ya
Delete(forgot to add but i feel like every time i reply to your comments, they end up being so long ^^,)
DeleteAh, alright I guess I sorta understand. The internet and all.. uh yeah. Don't know why I get worried about everything now, aahhaa. Hope you're doing okay though. hehh.