let's lie down and talk about the universe

Mm, nice post title if I do say so myself.

It can be about anything really. Why not. Just for the heck of it.

Let's lie down though because I'm so tired. Stars are great. I like skies. They're pretty beautiful.

Haven't been much comments lately. That's okay though. Busy with more important things. I don't want to be an inconvenience to anyone. At least not anymore.

I really do want to change myself for the better. I want to be less self-obsessed and always posting negative stuff. I'll try to be more calm and easy to approach to, if that makes any sense. I want to put some positive vibes on here. I really can't handle this negativity on here anymore. Really want to change that.

I've been recently drawing males. Decided to change things up than me always drawing females in the past.

I kinda want to start posting short prose things. Things that are a paragraph long and are in 2nd POV and very detailed. Those lovely writing things. I kinda want to try them out for myself, haha.

It's so hot where I live. Heat makes me so tired and sweaty. Gross. Causes me to have headaches too. Ugh.

I'm more tired and weak nowadays, and some days I'm way too tired to even type up a post. School makes me more tired and busy too.

I've also been watching newer anime , shows on Netflix, and YouTube videos instead of mainly focusing on blogging like, I don't know, let's say a year ago.

I think last October I made a confession post about how blogging (on Blogger I mean) was taking over my life. I was pretty addicted to Blogger. And now I don't check any Blogger related thing as much. Like at least half as much.

Change sure is real.

I'm going to disable comments on more of my older posts. Soon enough.

I also don't post every day in the week anymore because school is keeping me busy. For instance, I have to finish an essay for tomorrow and study for another AP test that's tomorrow. And then have to do an essay on that test. Essays never go away it seems. Unfortunate.

And my parents are really getting onto me about college related things for me. If you don't know, I'm a junior in high school. I know based off my my older posts it can be hard to believe, but it's true. This school year is what colleges focus a lot on. And around this time next year, I sure gotta have an idea for where I want to go to college and start applying to them. Which is very stressful because my parents are on my case about college things like college visits. Oh and I have no "dream school" or anything like that right now. So yeah. Stressful.

I also have SAT classes and work to do. That takes free time out too. Took the PSAT today, going to take SAT practice exams in my SAT class in the next few sessions. Maybe an ACT one too. Those are like college placement tests. Collegeboard exams.

Gah, I don't want to grow up and have responsibilities. Too much pressure, man.

So there are some explanations about how my life is at the moment.

It's weird. I'm not as lonely as I used to be. I have a friend who texts me daily. That's not much, but it means a lot to me. This is so different for me.

Volunteering activities and clubs also make me more busy nowadays. That's the main thing we discuss though. Not too exciting, but at least it's something. 

Overall, I feel better mentally for these past few weeks. So that's another reason why I haven't made some vent posts in a while. The full-out vents, I mean. So that's good probably.

I also ate breakfast this morning. That's something new. Haven't done that in a while. Especially on a school day.

Anyway.. um.. ,,

I just want to apologize for how I've been in my posts in the past years and months. My posts disgust me a lot. That's why I've been thinking of deleting the blog come 2017. I have been so ignorant and a bunch of bad words.

I'm going to try to remember to disable comments on all my story chapter posts. To be honest, the storyline doesn't bother me much anymore. It's just.. how I was. It makes me hate the story even more. You guys can't even begin to think of how much it repulses me.

I'm older now and more informed about certain topics. I'm more certain about my identity and orientations now. And those of others too. I know what it's like far better now than back then due to personal experiences. I was ignorant. I was a jerk. And for all that, I'm very sorry. The things I've said in those writings haunt me nearly every day.

I'm trying to be a better person and change my ways. Not like how I've been on here for even years now.

I want to have ideas. And not break any more promises. I don't want to hurt anyone; I don't want to always lie about post ideas. I want to go through with them. Actually make posts of them.

However, I also have an idea to start drawing the characters from said story as humans in a more realistic drawing style. That seems pretty interesting.

I don't care anymore. I want to put in mature content things like bad language and hints of it in those drawings. Perhaps partial nudity too. To show how I view the characters better. And by that I mean using the words the substitute words I used in the writings are.

Yeah. Me. Mm.

That's that.

Take care. <3