writing artsy attempts

Hi. :)

Comment what you think of them. If you want.

I'm typing them up on the spot, so let's see what happens.

<3

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//death and blood mention//
//language warning//
(putting this just in case)
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Passion

What does it mean? What do you mean by passion? What are you even saying? I don't understand your language. You want me to tell you what I'm passionate about? What my interests are? What I love? Your words aren't making any sense. I guess I can only lie. So I'll just tell you I like to draw and write. Yeah, doing that is fun. Is it really though? Of course not. You say everyone has a fire inside of them- a metaphor for passion. If I wasn't so scared of everyone, I'd tell you the truth. But I'm a coward, so I'll write it here instead. Well, here goes. If I have a fire like you say I do, it's on its last legs. Passion never stays with me. Some days I can feel excitement and motivation rushing through my veins. And on other days I can feel my veins blocking those out. And on those days I can only perceive myself as a talentless, good-for-nothing loser. My fire has been damaged too many times. It's nothing more than a tiny flickering flame. What kind of excuse is having a passion where some days you can deal with it but others you can't? What kind of excuse is it when more days than not you want to tear up and destroy every writing and art piece you've made in the past few years including this one? It's not a passion if I hate what I do, everything I do, and don't enjoy it as much as I used to. It's not a passion if I always feel like quitting. Without this, I have nothing left. I have the lighter, but it's not working. Believe me, I know. I tried. But whatever I do, it won't start a fire. I can't rekindle my passion fire. So what does it mean to be passionate about something? I couldn't tell you.

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Blood Ink

Words can cause pain too, you know. Perhaps more pain than anything physical. Stop being so ignorant. Words can cause people to bleed just like fists and rocks and everything worse can. Words bleed too. Write the words down, all of them that hit you emotionally, and they bleed ink. Before you know it, the page in your journal is covered in words. The pen you wrote with has its ink bleeding the page. Now you've written so much that the ink is on your hands. And in that moment the roles are switched. You're the bad one now. You're swarming in your own guilt. Because now you have writer's blood on your hands. Eventually you'll be covered in the blood, suffocating you, and one day you'll wake up with ink scars in their place. And from there, you won't be able to stop bleeding ink on paper or on skin. Because at this point, words said to you messed you up so much that you'll never forget them. And yet you dare tell me "words will never hurt me" to this day. No. Fuck you. Stop invalidating people's struggles. If they say they're in pain, they're in pain. Words cause pain too. Words can bleed too. Just wait and see.

- - - -

About Life and Death

The question blinked on the screen. What's better- losing your life or losing your life? It's the same, right? Why does it even matter? You're losing your life either way. Getting in specifics, however, that's when things get different. Quickly or slowly? Physical pain or emotional pain?  All at once or over time? All these questions. Is more humane equal better? Humane in what concept? Physically or mentally? One side is no physical pain for more and more emotional pain. One side is no emotional pain for physical pain for a short time. Would you rather be alive or dead? What's the point in being asked the option. Either way, you're losing your life. There's no happy ending either way. You're screwed this way or that. There is no fucking point. Don't you see? You die in both circumstances. Is it really better to be isolated and confined in a prison cell that's a steel box only big enough to fit one person for the rest of your natural life? Nothing to do, no one to talk to, no sunshine, no happiness for the decades left in your life? Is that really all that better than just being killed then and there? What about painlessly? Is living really worth it when you know you're losing parts of your life forever just like if you simply died? Forever either way. Stop getting off topic, focus on the rest of the classwork.

- - - -

I'm tired now.

Remind yourself: It'll be okay. I'll be okay.

Never forget that.

Please.