it's late- short post for now

Yeah, uh, hi. I'm here finally. 

I wanted to make long, serious posts since before Tuesday, but I guess I never got around to, well to doing that. 

I'll get to all those posts. I promise. 

Except for me posting my art, I think the next couple posts are going to be more serious (aka not in my dumb posting style; idk what to call it). 

I wanted to say this ever since I made that last post: 

1. Why was I drawing Duke's ear so high up on his head? And why did I draw it so big if I'm drawing him as a human? That ear is making me uncomfortable now lmao..

2. Why did I draw Duke with long eyelashes? Why the heck did I draw him having winged eyeliner? Come on, me, isn't he supposed to be tortured there? Was Duke wearing makeup all this time? I don't get it. 

3. ... I don't like how I included the electro-fly. It looks like it shouldn't be there. Like, it kinda loses the serious pain and agony I was trying to convey in this drawing. 

4. ... Well, I still can't draw feet for the life of me. 

Yeah. :'] 

Now onto other things. 

-x-x-x- 

I guess it should look pretty obvious at this point, but so far this month, I haven't been as invested in this blog as much. And honestly, I could say the same thing about ever since July. 

I can't tell if it's purely intentional or not anymore. 

I haven't been reading my posts as much. I haven't been checking for comments (and I have to admit, reading so I can actually type replies) as much -to- at all. 

I just haven't been staying on here that much anymore. Sure, I keep a tab on my phone being this blog, but I haven't been reading what I've posted. I refresh the page sometimes, but I still don't fully read it. 

So am I ignoring you guys? Eh, technically yeah. But isn't not just about comments; I've been starting to ignore the blog as a whole. Ignore as in not reading through my blog posts. 

And for the last few comments I replied to, I typed them as quickly as I could with minimum thought and effort. 

So, uh, yeah. That's that. 

I started to want to distance myself from here. To cut it down to one reason it's because I hate the past me and have bad memories when I think of my past posts. 

I'm literally at a different phase of my life. I've grown; I've changed. I'm trying to better myself. 

And so, I haven't been as active on here. 

I also have less than two weeks left until I move in to college. So I've been busy getting ready for that big thing. 

Between the previous post and this one, I've ordered my textbooks and linens (bed stuff) online and got them in the mail. 

And that's just specifically college-related things. From the university. I spent yesterday getting more stuff for college. 

Yeah man, I can't believe it either. Haha, I remember a few months into this blog. I made quite a dramatic post about how terrified I was of starting high school. 

Well, I guess you could say the cycle repeated itself again. Except instead of being a high school freshman, I'm going to be a college one. 

High school. And I thought that was this big and scary thing. High. School. 

Well, I sure did grow since then. It's been what- four years? Wow. 

I also don't want to make that many posts because I don't want to be all dramatic about it. I have other outlets where I can vent my feelings out now. I have supportive people who genuinely like me in my life. 

I have other places and people to turn to, and I didn't really have that before. Now I know I do. 

I don't think I would ever be able to say that a year ago. Two years ago. Three years ago. 

I don't think myself, six months ago, would believe what I've done the past few weeks is something I actually did. 

I don't want to stay up till 3, so I'll end it here. 

To sum it all up, I'm doing better now. Life does get better. 

If I'm honestly saying that, then that's quite something. 

... I haven't made any impulsive vent posts for a while, huh? I haven't seriously thought about dying for a few months now. Which is something I wouldn't believe, nearly a year ago. 

Hope you're all doing okay. Hope you're all taking care of yourselves. I will be back soon- with more posts this time.