what is this sh

(This post might end up with me talking about "problematic" content. Do people consider strong language something bad anymore? Ha, I'm like a speck of dirt. Great.)

......... Damn it. My nose feels weird. My nostrils feel itchy. I hate this. 

I was just reading the cryptid blogging skits I made last July. A year ago. Not this year, obviously. 

Then I read the skit where Duke is scream-singing in the bathroom and somehow turned water into fire. 

Ahh, those were good old skit times. :') 

Ah, screw it. Here goes nothing. Anyway. 

I move in to college in a week. Next Thursday. 

Ah, well, fuck. 

Ah, haaaa, this is great. Totally love being bombarded with all my insecurities all over again. And when I'm trying to get some sleep. That's very fantastic. 

Haha, what was I thinking? That everything will go fine? 

Can I even handle this? Going through with it? Well, I don't know anymore. 

Fuck. Shit. Damn it. What have I gotten myself into? 

Stupid nose. Ugh. 

-----------

I'm thinking of the name, Jaxin. Is it good? Does it sound/look good enough? Jack could be another nickname he goes by. 

I doubt Jaxin would be his birth name. I have quite a few characters that don't ever use their birth names for various reasons. 

Uh, Jaxin is my new best boy. I love him so fucking much. Damn. 

But actually using that name? Shit, like I know anything. 

I love him and Fierdan. I just like the two of them together. 

In how long, ah well, half a century at the rate I'm writing my stories. 

I tried to draw them hugging each other. I screwed up that perspective. Pfft omg. 

Damn, wish I could draw him. Drawing Jaxin is a pain. I can't even do it. It's frustrating. 

Hmm, not sure if I like that name. Not like I can think of anything better. 

It's silly of me to bring it up at this point, but I can kinda see them eventually (after who knows how long, it has to be well deep in story 2 to begin with) in a relationship. 

(Goddddd) 

Oh hey, I got rid of those polls on the side of the blog. No one was gonna vote anymore. I got tired of them. So yeah. They're gone. 

I keep on having to remind myself that Fierdan is still seen as a bad guy (fucking asshole) and not anything like someone who deserves love and support besides when he was little kid Pre-Fierdan. 

I just.. wow.. I love Fierdan so much. This boy. Geez wow. 

I love soft Fierdan. It's just.. wow.. he's cute. Why don't I just live for him? Make it so it's not just me who can cry over his character growth. And when that whole recovery with just about all the characters goes on happening. Ah shit, I mean story 2 characters. 

Ah, there I go thinking about Jaxin trying to make Fierdan feel better after he gets a flashback/bad memory. Jaxin telling Fierdan jokes. While they're both under blankets on a couch. And then beneath the covers of either of their beds. Them slowly moving closer to each other. Late at night. 

Cute. 

I feel gross. Not about them, but about me. I just.. ugh, why did I do this to myself? I feel like I'm screwing myself over. 

Pretend to not remember reading this shit. Thanks. Bye.