the "you" is actually me

The "you" is actually me. 

That sounds cryptic. 

Yes. 

They're all true. 

Completely true. 

Yes. 

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1. You grab some hair. It's yours. You didn't notice it until now. It's a mess. It is long. When did it get this long? You can't remember. You don't know why. Then while on the phone talking to your mom, you tell her that you want to get a haircut during Thanksgiving break. Your dad is also on the phone. He asks or tells you to cut off eleven inches of hair. You can't remember if he phrased it as a question, statement, or command. You don't even have eleven inches of hair. You say yes. For the past few years, you've always had the strongest desire to cut your hair in the colder months. You want to cut your hair short in the winter to be a rebel. You want short hair. Your hair is long again. Long hair is annoying. Your hair is a disaster. 

2. You sit at your desk at 10:30-ish. You stare at the blank Word document. Except no, it's not blank. You typed the MLA heading. Good for you. The minutes tick away. You start writing an hour later. You've been staring at the blank document for an hour. You feel dead. You type an essay with a few sophisticated sounding words and sentences. You don't know how. You don't know what you're writing about. You're paranoid your essay makes absolutely no sense, but you continue to write it. You finish it a few minutes after 3:00 am. It's three pages long. That afternoon, your friends in your class show you theirs. Theirs is only a page long. You take forever to finish reading your long ass essay draft out loud. No one else says a word. You begin to take bets that everyone is thinking in question marks. Your professor frowns at you and the other students. Why did you write so much? Why did you write philosophical sounding garbage at 2 am? The essay topic you came up with confuses you. At the same time, you're proud of it. Your friends complimented it. You still have to edit though. You feel lost. Please help. 

3. You wake up before 9:00. Your alarm goes off at 9:00. Why did you wake up before then? You went to bed a quarter after 3 am. You simultaneously feel dead and full of energy spewing from your never-ending anxiety. You walk to your first class only to find out the class is cancelled. You're not going back to sleep. You write a conclusion paragraph to the essay draft. You feel zoned out. You drink that bottle of vanilla frappuccino you bought to waken yourself up. You still feel dead inside. You have been for several years. 

4. It is supposedly the halfway point in the semester. Most of your professors have not put in any grades. You and your classmates discuss this. You are all panicking. You panic because you wonder how low your grade is going to drop because of the critical paper. You then laugh amongst your classmates. Help us, please. 

5. The essays and response paragraphs never stop. They can't end. There's always more, and more, and even more after that. You are so tired. You bs everything. Your classmates do too. You haven't showered on a daily basis since the semester started. You have essays and response paragraphs to write. You always do. They're always there, watching you from a distance. You feel haunted. You thought you got some sleep, but you thought wrong. You don't know what sleep is anymore. The papers assigned to you are obsessed with you. They won't let you go. 

... yes, this is all true. this is my life right now. (sunday, 10/21 - monday, 10/22.)