no it's not alright

I made a quick drawing on my iPad. I only used one black brush and didn't change the settings. It's a drawing of me. And how I feel about all this.. stuff I said last post (in the actual post and/or comments in general). 

Heh..

Supposed to be looking down but still standing upright. The dark cloud thingy above me are my thoughts, your thoughts.. everything. And I wanted it to stop, but of course, it didn't. And I'm just thinking, "... *sigh*" about all of this. 

Funny, how I tell you not to comment. Especially another type of comment like that. Guys, you sure are funny. Ha, ha, ha.

Comments = Drama

No comments = Less chance of drama increasing 

What don't you get by that?! 

I repeatedly say, "DO NOT COMMENT", yet you comment. And, of course, ignoring the reasons I lamely said why not to.

I only want you to leave me alone because of your comments. Because, guess what? They only end in disaster for both of us now. 

I wanted that, and only that, to leave me alone. To go away. To stop. 

Other than that, I love hanging out with you online. I mean it. 

On a completely different topic, it's Christmas. 

It's over 70 degrees here. It's usually 30-something degrees here. With snow on the ground, sipping hot cocoa, cuddled up in blankets.

Apart from all these messed up emotions, maybe I'm not in this festive mood because it doesn't feel like that time of year. It feels like summer just started. 

Christmas, New Year's.. it just feels crazy with this very warm weather. I don't know about you, that's just how I feel. *shrugs* 

This doesn't feel like the holidays at all. Especially how things are in real life and online. No, I'm not gonna go into that. Got that? 

And what's the most not alright? Not anything I said yet. Want to know what it is?

Treating suicide like a ****ing joke. 

Someone does a slight thing that annoys you. Like doodling a smiley face on your folder, or poking your shoulder. And that someone is your friend. And then you say, "Oh my god, I swear I'm gonna kill myself", only to laugh with that same friend a minute later. 

I hear at least one person in school say that every day. 

Screw you. You're not suicidal, you outgoing and always happy piece of crap.

And then people online lying about committing suicide. Faking their own death. Not even attempting. Lying about that too. 

People like that make me feel sick and disgusted. 

Screw you. You're just a pathetic person who wants attention. (directing that to people like that)

For the last 3 nights, I woke up at 4 in the morning sitting up in my bed. I went back to sleep a few minutes later though. 

For the past month, every time I have a dream, it isn't all positive and happy. They make no sense. They have a lot of darkness in them. Especially when those people run away and leave.

More often than not, comments make it hard for me to fall asleep. And have at least some happiness in sleep. Comments keep on replaying in my head. Comments make me lie awake in my bed worrying for the entire night into the morning. Though I do actually fall asleep after a while (I don't have insomnia), the worrying thoughts are still there. As long as you comment like you do, it'll stay that way. Dreams in the beginning turn into nightmares in the end with either me or other people or animals barely alive. 

Nothing is as simple as it seems on its surface. 

Bye. 

~ Cutepups