well made it worse

Uh.. hi guys. Merry Christmas. To those who celebrate it. I'm celebrating it later today because I don't celebrate at home. (Great reason, I know). 

Why is summer in winter? This weather.. wow.

Yeah okay. Um...

Oh yeah. I had a very weird dream last night. A dream that was weirder than usual, I mean. I have messed up dreams. What the heck, brain. What. The. Heck. From what I can still remember from it, it was like this...

I was running in this bright and sunny alley in a cold and dirty city. Then the bright blue sky turned into a huge rainbow. Then the sidewalk turned into bright green grass. After that, I was in this old lady's garden. Then I suddenly had gardening tools with me. And I was confused because I don't know what I'm doing in this old lady's garden. So then I walk away from her house, and later find out her garden goes on practically forever. Then I find the beginning of this garden maze. And right in front of this maze entrance is a fat black chicken. (I actually saw a few fat black birds yesterday o.o). Then as I walk closer to the maze entrance, the fat black chicken jumped up high in the air (it was sitting before). And then it sprinted into the maze at top speed. 

And, I don't know why, I felt like I was destined to catch that fat black chicken. Then as I pass by the place where it was sitting a few seconds ago, there was this regular-sized beige-colored egg. Then I stepped over it carefully, and then I ran into that weird green maze. After every turn, I could see the fat black chicken's tail feathers. But I could never reach out and grab that shockingly fast fat black chicken. I swear that bird was mocking me, that bully. Then from the direction of the entrance of the maze, I hear this loud squawk. Before I can even register what that was, this mini version of the fat black chicken sprinted through the maze and reached what I inferred to be its mother. 

Then they both suddenly fell over. I finally reached these weird birds and inspected them. And then I cried when I found out they were shot. Then I wanted to find this heartless shooter that killed these obnoxious fat black chickens. I remember crying, "My babies! Ahh!", and then running even faster through the maze. When I finally exited the maze, I returned back to the corrupted city. But this time, the sky wasn't bright and sunny. So then I see my cat, Thelma, running in the middle of this old and abandoned street.

 And then I run to catch her, but then she suddenly disappears down this black hole at the end of the street. Then I look down into this black hole (not the ones in space, it was just this huge jagged hole at the end of the street). Then I realize the rest of my family, my best friends, and just about the whole townspeople had also fallen in this weird hole. Upon closer inspection, I saw that this black gooey substance (why do I always have black gooey poisonous substances.. like TEO, now here?!) cover all the walls of the hole and the floor. And it also covered the top of the hole like bars of a jail cell. 

Then I saw the shooter and found out he trapped all these people too. Then he was all like, "They're all gonna die, you're next." And I was all like, "Nah, no thanks." Then I pulled out this gun I suddenly felt in my pocket. I realized it was a Heaven's Gun from Twinkle's Story and thought it was cool. Then we started shooting at each other. Then I looked down the hole again and saw that a few people were starting to die. Then I shot at the evil man again. So then I shot him one more time, and he fell down his own trap (the hole). And I stared at him struggling in the black gooey substance. 

Then as I started to leave this disasterous scene, I heard this group of teens say, "The world is way too corrupted." Then one of them turned around and immediately shot me. And right before I hit the pavement, I saw his face. Then he told the rest of his gang, "Okay, let's go."

Right before everything faded to black and the dream ended, I found out what that group of teens was. They were my imagination, my characters, my children. They were them. The Extraordinary Others. And Daniel (why is it always him?!) shot me. And then I passed out.

So yeah, what a dream! There, enjoy my weird dream's story. There, that can count as a writing piece, right? 

. . . . .

Alright, alright. Weirdness aside, other matters. So...

Well, I made it worse. So I found out that even when no one comments, I still worry and get anxious about comments. And I still think about them basically 24/7. Even when there are no comments. And I found out that maybe I wake up in the middle of the night at like 4 in the morning because it is way too hot in my house, especially my room. See, it all connects. Hot weather, hot room, difficulty sleeping.. um yeah.

Comments, no comments.. that feeling is still there. Disabling comments doesn't mean anything. In a way, I actually still like comments. 

Wow, I contradict myself way too many times. :/

Like, how to put this. All the time now, long comments automatically make me anxious by just glancing them over. Because, 9 times out of 10, a long comment has something in it that stays in my head for days and worries me like crazy. Like, I don't know, criticisms about whatever I'm doing (writing, life). And they always (no doubt about that) leave drama (aka disagreements, long comment replies, apologies). 

I swear I'm being such a coward here. :/

It's just that comments (from the past few days) never leave my head. And I take them too sensitively. And long comments are like criticizing attacks, and short comments are like spam to me. 

I already know I'm gonna get hate for this. I hate with a burning passion that I can't explain in words what I really want. I guess I just want this commenting drama (that I guess I caused in the first place) to leave me alone. But not you as a person. 

I'll just go since I just ruin everything in my posts. Ok bye. 

~ Cutepups