Some Things (Personal)

READ EVERY WORD IN THIS POST. OR ELSE, DO NOT COMMENT ANYTHING AT ALL.

  Yes, I'm still here. Pathetic me is still here, still messing everything up in the end. Woo.

Hi, I'm back with a new post. Just wanted to talk about some things.

But first (aka so this post isn't even more depressing.. lol what), a song I don't own!

But it relates to what I have to say.. kind of. Okay, not really.

I'm addicted to this song, holy crap.

"Left Alone"~ Sleeping With Sirens

"Left Alone". This will probably get personal...

I'll start with the simple things, I guess...

I don't think I'll be blog posting daily anymore. I'll still check for comments daily, but I won't post daily anymore. At least for the most part.

"Why?" the shy and innocent viewers who I don't know ask.

Um.. Well.. Uh.. 

Like the title of this song, I want need to be left alone. So.. um.. let me elaborate (obviously).

Posting. Nowadays, it seems that no matter what happens, I get trapped in this loop that makes me only want to post depressing posts. And rant about how much I hate some people (lol I'm such a pessimist). Though I haven't ranted.. yet.. (though when I want to, I swear a lot). And I know how you all hate reading my vent posts (eh, so do I).

Which clearly leads to...

Commenting. To me, every time I read a comment (whether I publish it or not), I know it'll lead to drama to some degree (on DA, too). Comments these days.. I just want to be left alone from it all. Every comment leads to drama. I'm not even kidding.

A simple "hello". Drama. ("too short", "you don't care about her")

A long comment with apologies/self-hate/sympathy. Drama. (me: "you're making me feel worse", "you don't understand", "stop giving me your pity")

A long comment telling me to stop venting on here. Drama. ("meanie", "heartless"; you: "you don't make sense", "stop saying sorry", "stop making me and us feel miserable"; me: "can't help it", "can't make straightforward decisions", "is confusing", "doesn't even know myself")

A comment telling me to do something. Drama. (all other commenting things on here and DA feel like a weight pulling me down, being so abrupt with it, me being a sensitive prick feels hurt about it, me being so emotionally unstable in my posts recently, pressure, feeling like you hate me..)

A comment asking me where everyone has gone. Drama. (I don't know why they left, my paranoid thoughts, left because of me somewhat)

A comment wanting me to be more happy. Drama. (I can't with all this comment drama..)

And any type of comment I missed. (Except for like 1% of all comments, nowadays). You might think this comment won't make me feel anxious and sad by just reading it, but it does. Oh, it does. I just can't handle this. Comments, they all lead to drama in the end. Hurt misunderstandings. Pressure. Anxiety. Guilt. Arguments. More sadness. Inability to sleep well (if at all). Grades lowering. Crying. 

I. Can't. Keep. This. Up. . I. Feel. Like. This. Is. Tearing. Me. Apart. . I. Think. This. Is. Why. I. Feel. So. Crappy. And. Depressed. Nowadays. . It. Hurts. Me. All. Day. Every. Day. . I. Want. To. Be. Left. Alone. Now. Because. It. Hurts. . The. More. I. Post. The. More. Comments. Will. Come. The. More. Sick. I. Feel. .

Some lyrics from song ^^

"I'd rather you lie than throw it all away." I'd rather read your non-depressing lies than your depressing truths, which will lead to both of us feeling even more depressed. I'd rather have you lie and say you'll always be there for me than have you just leave me entirely one day (though that's rather inevitable). I'd rather have you tell me you like me for who I am even though you obviously don't than have you argue with me and then hate me. 

"How deep do you want to go? Don't you know that some things are better left alone?" I want (I know you want) to get to know us better. Become closer friends, deeper relationship than just "mutuals". But it's so much easier to hurt each other, the closer we get. And it clearly has. There was this bigger happiness in both of us before we got close and personal with our feelings. Everything's complicated now because of this.

"How do we get back? To a time when it was easy?" To simpler, drama-free, stress-free times. I don't think things can ever be like they used to. Everything's hard now. And we can't just go back to those easier times. 

. . . . . . . . . .

Posting leads to comments. Which make me feel worse. And it never stops. That's basically why I'm not checking here as often as I used to. 

Don't comment anything like what I pointed out in this post. Actually, I'd prefer you to not comment anything if at all. Comments just pain me now. I'm (not) sorry. 

And to conclude this post, some Google pictures that I don't own.

(meh..)

 Don't comment either.

I'm done.