Leap Day 2016

Yeah, why not a more positive post. Even though I feel bad. Woop.

I feel better (physically) better now. I took a nap--

Just kidding, I didn't take a nap today. Despite waking up at 4 in the morning (darn you, anxiety*). And I've been coughing today. And I still feel bad. 

Well, here's the Google thing for today. I could only get they picture when it was at this part. Oh darn. 

The Google thing is so cute for today, I have to say. What a shame, it doesn't show the 29 bunny in this picture. Stupid mobile device. 

About that, things are just great, aren't they? It's great how I can't even create a post on my computer anymore. It won't stop loading (but not finishing loading) when I go to the create a post screen on Chrome (only on my computer though, thankfully). But still. I can't post on my computer now. Well, I guess I can use Internet Explorer (I don't have Safari, and I have to get Firefox for my computer then) to post using my computer. Everything else on Blogger and most other sites (not all anymore) work on my computer when I'm using Chrome. So I actually have a reason why I should just quit trying to be active here. Since my computer just wants me to quit posting now. Isn't that.. *hits nearby wall with hand and foot*.. just.. freaking.. great? 

If you didn't get my sarcasm there, no, it's not great. It's freaking terrible. I guess boring usually picture-less posts are the only types of posts I can post now. And it's not just my computer's stupid and useless weekly restarting updates anymore. Ugh...

Yeah, okay, whatever. Positivity now... 

Well.. hmm.. I freaking hate a lot of people at school. Man, do I hate those people. So much. 

Oh wait. That's not positive at all. Haha oops... 

Have some random Leap Year facts I have memorized for some wacked up reason! Woop. (Woop, doot.. those are fun sounds that can be said in a negative voice.. try it sometime? c: no? oh okay. :c) 

1. Leap Years occur ever 4 years. Each Leap Year, there's also the Summer Olympics and the Presidential Elections for the United States. 

2. People born on February 29th are called leaplings or leapers. 

3. Uh.. what? . . . 

4. Let's use the number 16.. because the year is 2016.. and I'm turning 16 this year (3 months.. that's cool). So yeah, haha, 16. Take account someone who's been alive for 16 years.. and their birthday happens to be February 29th. That means that person is technically only 4 years old. Well.. right? 4 times 4 is 16. Yes? What? Does this even count as a fact? 

5. This isn't really a fact, but I think a former teacher of mine has (or a friend or family member of theirs) their birthday on February 29th. 

6. Due to this extra day, there are 366 days in a Leap Year. 

So.. do you know anyone born on February 29th? Or are you? 

Haha, I don't know whether to look at that being a cool thing or a, well, uncool thing. Like it would be pretty cool telling others your technical age. Like, haha, situation:

Person 1: Yo, what's your age, teenage-looking person?

Person 2: I'm 4! 

Person 1: 4.. huh? What?

Person 2: Dude, I'm 4 years old.

Person 1: But you look like a teenager..?

Person 2: Well, if my birthday is February 28th, I would be 16. My birthday's on February 29th, Leap Day, though.

Person 1: So, let me get this straight. 

Person 2: You want to talk about sexualities now..?

Person 1: What? No.. no.

Person 2: You're a creep. 

Person 1: How so?

Person 2: Well, let's see. You're a complete stranger who randomly came up to me and asked for my age. 

Person 1: Aha, I have a question! 

Person 2: Okay, what?

Person 1: If you would be 16 if you were born any other day than today, then how can you get your driver's permit if you're technically only 4? Oh and what about getting your driver's license? And other things too, oh like the drinking age? 

Person 2: *looks at the camera Enchanted the AJ bunny is holding like they're on The Office show* 

Like, you could be "young for your age". Then "old for your age". And you have to lie..? I always wondered this.. how about you? 

That's a weird mini-skit. The straight and sexualities lines are an inside joke between my friends and I. Maybe not exactly an inside joke. I don't know, I have weird thoughts, and so do my friends. Actually, I'm not sure if we're even still friends. Well, okay then, Cutepups. Okay. 

Bye guys. Future posting remains in question. Another hiatus is a possibility. I know you're sick of my negativity. I am too. But that'll have to do. Wow, do I suck. 

~ Cutepups 

...

Well, I went to sleep right after posting that. I woke up at 4:30 am. And I couldn't fall asleep afterwards. Well, I'm making the most out of Leap Day, huh? :c

After posting that, I felt so anxious that my stomach started hurting.. which usually happens. Ugh, I feel terrible. I didn't type that post meaning I want to stop being friends with you. I don't know really except I feel more tired and upset nowadays.

I'm in school now, so I gotta go. Bye.

~ Cutepups

well that happened

Hi guys. Haha, I'm back. It's almost February 29th. Leap Day. That's nice. I visited an AJ blog I like.. I'm kinda disappointed in how the Leap Year Party is. Frogs are cool, I guess. Doot, doot. Cuz why not.

So.. um.. that family cousins conflict thing I posted vaguely about a few weeks ago? Well, I'll just say they're back and safe now. So that's good. Uh.. yeah.

So, about last post.. just saying what's on my mind and what's bothering me. Sorry for being gloomy, guys.. if you're even still here and care.. yeah right. Irritability and regret sums me up basically. Well, maybe not as irritable as before.. but I still am. I'm just more tired overall to be as irritable if that makes any sense. Whelp, I'm not a happy-go-lucky person, sorry that's that.

The more I'm on here and these other sites, the more unhappy I get. It's upsetting really. I feel worse constantly going on here and those sites. Ugh.. I'm sorry, guys. I don't know what else to do, so I keep on returning several times a day to here and those sites. I've had thoughts of temporarily quitting/leaving/deleting quite a few times over these past months. Because I'm not happy being here anymore, and you don't make me that happy anymore. But I just can't make myself actually do that. Ugh, I really don't know what to. I love you, I hate you.. I don't know what I'm feeling anymore. So.. that's that. 

I want to be helpful. I want to be a good friend that can actually be there for you. But I just can't. It's frustrating that I can't help you.. certain people. You've got a lot going on, a lot of insecurities too. It's frustrating because I've got my own pathetic insecurities too. It's frustrating that I'm so awkward and helpless.. and that I can't bring myself to do anything. I wish I could help you, I really do, but I don't know how I can make myself feel better.. and to actually mean that to last a longer amount of time. So, if thats how things are with me, I sure dont know how I can be helpful to you when you need it. Heck, you can be one of the best friends I ever had, yet I still get stressed when chatting with you, with starting a conversation with you.. ugh, sorry. I guess that's one reason I'm upset being here and on those sites.

Just typing out some thoughts here. This post is gonna end up worrying me. They almost all do nowadays. Oh well.

Ah.. It's February 29th now. Nice. Oh and Leonardo DiCaprio finally won an Oscar award.. haha.

Bye guys. Thanks for baring with me.

I might make a post later today. Because it's Leap Day. Yeah.

Why am I still here?

Until next post. Good. Bye.

~ Cutepups the pitiful awkward loner one.

(doot, doot)

Polar Bear Day, Old Drawing, and other stuff you may ignore

(Pfft.. now I can't post using my computer on Chrome. So I have to post this on Internet Explorer. :/)

Hello, people of the internet. Call me S.

So.. technology is a butt. Anyways, today's (typing this when it's still February 27th*) Polar Bear Day. Go polar bears! :)

I also drew this around a year ago. It's a cougar, lioness, panther, or some other big cat like that. I can't draw anything good now, so have a good drawing from a time when I could actually draw decently. Haha.



(It looks more realistic than this irl. Ah.. oh well.)

... yeah ok so. School update: school sucks. I can barely stand A days. I hate those days so much. But life goes on. Life always goes on. At the same boring pace each day. Some days faster than others, I suppose.

 I doubt I'll ever go back to my hyper and "funny" posts from way back when. Because, like I said, life goes on, man. People grow up. People realize stuff in the past causes feelings of regret now. And yeah.. I grew out of my hyper "funny" blogging phase. It embarrasses me a lot. Haha, I really should move to another blog, but I'm too tired to do all that, so here I am. Me being me. So many changes. So many people changing. I'm not much of a fan for "change" right now. It's kinda painful. Growing up and all. Whew.. I really hope all you guys are okay though.. at least managing. I really am awful at helping people, but yeah, I might not show it, but I really do care a lot about people, about you guys. Like, it hurts when I know I can't be of much help to people. Especially when they have all those burdens on their shoulders.. yeah, being on those other sites.. wow, I'm pathetic and pitiful. Being online this much is emotionally draining (physically draining when it goes to a certain point too) for me. It's just so upsetting.. so many changes.. more irl or more online, I don't even know anymore. Like yeah sure, I'm changing too. It's just that.. I don't know, I'm just lagging behind in life and with this technology too. Hey, I might possibly think of you guys as some of my best friends. But, I'm sorry, but I'm still doubtful and skeptical on that. And I always will be. No matter what you do or say, I'll always doubt your words saying you're like me, that you don't secretly judge me in your head. People judge others, that's how things are. No one's really happy nowadays, I know that. So neither am I. It's not your fault, it's probably not mine either (though I doubt that still). Haha, teenage angst, amirite. You can be my best friend, but I still won't trust every word you tell me. I'm pretty sure you're the same way with me. Nah, it's my fault I'm like this. I've shut my door on so many people, and these are the consequences. The perks of being alone dies after a while. I love you, friends. I feel more on edge nowadays than ever before. I honestly hate being here and on those other sites. I really do. Because, haha, it's upsetting. Being this way, seeing how others are. When they're doing bad, it upsets me, but when they're doing well, it also upsets me.. so I don't know. Those thoughts like.. well like, "what if I just leave everything without a trace? one hour there, the next gone. but no, I can't. I'm too selfish if I leave, I'm too selfish if I stay. being online with these guys is when I can actually be myself and not feel as lonely. I'll always be lonely, so what's the point? all of them actually have a friend.. a closer, better friend. ugh, why can't I just go and start over?!". Yeah.. sorry, just had to get that out. I KNOW you're not okay, specific people. It's frustrating when you can't just cure someone's unhappiness and insecurities away. Ugh, I can't even talk right, never alone actually help someone. I don't really know how much I can take of this. Oh look, it's late at night. I can't make myself fall asleep till it's very late. Just had to.. let this all go and say it. Sorry again for everything. Hope you liked my drawing. Bye guys.

dang it cutepups

Wow, what a post title! ... What has become of me. ... I am so sorry. ... So very sorry.

*glares at chemistry worksheet* *grumbles like that cartoon character's voice* Grrhrr dangnabbit, you paper with you moles. You want me to convert y'alls ter grams, don't cha? Mm? And then you want me to convert y'alls to moles again? What do yer want from me, I'm just an old farmer. *points scraggly finger at paper* You can never be simple, hun. Never ever! *screams at paper*

Wait what. That.. um.. swag!

Uh.. never mind all that, folks! *cough* chemistry is my enemy *cough*.

Mmohmygodstopcoughingcutepupsstoppppittttt.

pit. meet me in the pit.

This "damn daniel" vine meme thing. Like ok then, internet, okk. Then I had a thought thing. *ahem*

So it's TEO, right. And Daniel (aka Danny) is wearing these white shoes. So the rest of the squad follows him suspiciously like a stalker, saying "damn daniel". Then after every other character tells him that, he sets himself on fire. So then he's also copying danisnotonfire. Except he is on fire.

Wow, I am so creative with unoriginalty! :'D

His brother is such a nerd. Sweet cinnamon roll must be protected at all costs, oh sweet cinnamon roll. I mean Ardere by that obviously. Not his brother. Ardere doesn't even have a brother. Nice.

I also had a thought thing where I post another selfie. And instead of my actual face (ew), I make Thelma be my face. Like my hair is still in the picture, but my face is just this obnoxious little punk (aka a small tuxedo cat named Thelma). I bet that'll look so beautiful. I might try that some day. Thelma is a fraud. She looks so classy with her always wearing a tuxedo. But she's not classy at all. She's a naughty kitty. Oh yeah, I'm doing that hand peace sign too. Oh yes, this idea is.. something. XD

I have to continue to yell at my homework now. And then go on my weekly Thursday evening adventure. Oh yes.

Bye, humans!

~ Cutepups ;)

lol oh hey guys

Hey guys! :) 

Cutepups Life Crud (that's what I called this segment where I tell you guys boring stuff about my life irl, right?): I got a haircut today. So I look less ugly than I usually do. Yay! c: 

Haha, I remember back over the summer (those great times with no school :'D) when this Anon person commented saying they wanted me to post more selfies of me. Haha, haha, haha.. yeah, I forgot. Oops. Yeah bye. Who even was that? Do people even visit here anymore? Like those people who visited back then? Well, haha, cool.. I'm a loner.. *sits curled up on bed with phone and watches cartoons*. 

Hmm.. how about instead of a selfie for ol' Anon who I don't know if they even come here anymore (why am I still awake.. more questions remain unsolved), I post weird Google images I had to use for school stuff. Mm tasteful. Why yes, I post this crud on my school iPad. Why not okay be cool. 

Okay, okay.. enough of whatever-this-is. So, well, I remember that I posted this poll thing a few months ago. I think it was possibly before I went into this months-long vent dump full of feelings of depression and anxiety due to me feeling like I'm a pitififul-pathetic-stupid-loser-with-no-hope-for-living-a-future-and-who-constantly-had-dreams-plagued-by-death. Yeah, been there, done that. Um.. it's all cool now. I have a chance of not screwing my life up as much as I thought. For now anyways. Haha cool. So anyway, I made this poll of posting ideas. And I just remembered one that I never did yet. 

And that one was the interacting short story one. Where I would start typing a short story, ask you guys to comment a continuation of it, I would continue it with the part I liked the most based on your comments, and the cycle would repeat a few times. So, um, what about that idea? Anyone interested in doing that with me? Please.. 

Well, bye! 

Now I'll include this post with some random Google images I had to use for school stuff. Hope you enjoy, sweaty! ;) 

Yeah.. wow okay, this is the end of my cruddy post, so I'm gonna try and go to sleep now. 

~ Cutepups :3 

PS: I just received this email from this stranger that only said this: Become a saint. 

...

PPS: It turned out to be another college email that took forever to load. 

So.. I did it.

Wow.. it's over now. I did it. Whoa.. :'0

Took the tests for school. Signed up for my electives for next year. Completed the form to waiver into an advanced class for next class (well, one for sure or now). It's over now. I did it now.

I also returned to watching the show, Gravity Falls, a few days ago. It was one of my favorite cartoons in 2012 and 2013 , but I decided to quit watching it because.. I forget, maybe I thought it was too childish?? lol me my friends are still fans of it so I returned to watching it. And, my goodness, watching it again has made me remember all the good memories I had while watching this show. 

I just finished watching the Gravity Falls finale. I can't believe it's all over now. *sniff* :'{

I have a chance now. I actually took the risk. For them, but more for me. I might be boring as heck, but I'm not too pathetic and stupid.. for now at least. 

Bye~ 

-------------------

Actually.. not yet. I have other things to add to this post than just a copy&paste. So.. yeah.

Story (of suffering) news. I have ideas.. planned ideas. I have the beginning part of how the section of chapters for when so-and-so scene happens (that I've originally been planning for over a year out) planned out better than ever before now. My, my.. my storyplanning has improved so much. I'm kinda actually proud of what I've come with. It makes far more sense now, so it's not just meaningless violence. There's peace before it gets to that. But when the violence comes, it's actually meaningful now. And not for one simple reason anymore. 

And when I see those scenes are violent, I'm actually right this time. Haha, I love letting out all my negative emotions on my characters. There are stages now. Not immediately to torture now. Attempts at manipulation and betrayal. Characters bond better now, so their relationships grow. Like between friends and enemies. 

Their roles. In, basically, everything. I got more of that down. It's so complex that it's great. And the other deaths have a deeper reasoning behind all of them. It actually makes sense now. It's not just garbage now. It's a classier form of garbage now, haha. 

Yet it makes Fierdan an even more complicated and mysterious character. Maybe that's why I love that character so much, haha, confusing the heck out of me. Yeah, it's not simple as at all. 

Well, all the characters are more complicated than what they're originally assumed to be. Yes, even those characters way back in the beginning. Anyone remember Twinkle and Fauna's parents? How about that little kid called Junior who Duke met in the gameroom back at the hospital in the main township of fox territory? How about that arrogant Admiral girl? How about Sparkle, Finny, Duke, and Twinkle's history teacher back when they had school? Because I remember them, alright.

And what about the phantom outbreaks back in the township square? And Duke's hallucinations and delusions? And that FRAC (aka the Tall Tower) building that's this old and "abandoned" fox government building that Duke and Twinkle spent so many nights on its roof? Of course I remember those things too. It all takes part in my masterplan of destruction that comes with ending the story. And saying goodbye to Jamaa (well, fox territory at least) forever. 

Yeah, that's all I'll tell you guys about it for now. >:D 

Oh wait, one more thing. A question if you please..

Would you mind if I sometimes post about things that interest me? Because, surprisingly yes, I have interests in other things than just storywriting, venting, school stuff, and AJ (lol oh AJ..). Like, ahem, books, movies, TV shows, music, (Broadway) plays.. yeah, I'm a fan of some stuff. Who would've thought.. I actually like stuff I never posted about before. Pfft.. well, yeah. 

Too bad, I'm going to. Well, I'd get to it at some point. Some day.. maybe.. perhaps? 

Bye (for real now). 

~ Cutepups ^-^'

some school stuff lol

Hello. I want to type this up quickly before I head off to sleep. Yeah okay.

So anyway, I was conversing (that's the verb for having a conversation, right? lol) with my friend and my sister for a few hours now. I finally admitted it to them all the stress I've been having about this whole selecting classes thing for next year. And honestly, doing that was such a relief. They both helped me out, told me what I should do (from what I want to do), and we made some compromises.

So my friend and I have in mind which elective classes (2) we will take next year. They're both pretty good and interesting classes. My sister took one of them and said it's a great and interesting class. So yeah, why not take it. It's good to be informed on that stuff anyways. They are criminal justice and AP art history, by the way.

I also talked to them about honors (advanced classes). Okay so, my teacher doesn't know how to change the formatting thing to recommend students into anything but regular. The teacher is a pretty tough/pretty bad grader as well. Other than that, I feel smart in the said class. So I'm gonna go get a wavering form tomorrow, so I'll be able to actually take honors next year. I'm talking about history here, by the way. I'm not completely sure if I should do the same thing for language arts.

Honors are good to have. I know it's stressful. Junior year in general is gonna be stressful. But I want to be in at least one advanced class in high school. And, of course if things go out this way that I want, then next year I definitely won't be online on here and my other sites as often as I am on now. And I still go on here more than I should. Next year is definitely gonna get a whole lot busier.

I'm speaking with my school counselor about all this stuff tomorrow, so that's why I've been stressed out about not knowing what to do until a few hours ago. Now I know. For the most part anyways.

G'night.

~ Cutepups <3

well hello there friends

Well.. hello! How are you guys doing? Are you okay? Do any of you need a hug? I need a hug. Oh wait, I'm a little sick. I'm pretty sure I flunked a test today. I have two tomorrow. The day I talk about what electives I'm gonna choose for next year is tomorrow. I'm still a little hesitant on my choices. Yeah, I'll type about that later. I'm problematic. I talked with that friend of mine about it. Things are better now. Funny how I think being online so much makes me feel so anxious and depressed. But I feel so guilty using those words. I don't know what other words to use. But when I leave my online things for a longer time, I feel even worse. Who am I kidding. It's just puberty, and I'm too weak and pathetic to deal with it so complaining happens. Also with comments. I love getting comments, I really do. It's just that, well, even just looking at my Dashboard and seeing a comment having to be moderated (it makes me reassured that I see and know all new comments that get published), I get this pain in my stomach for only a minute or two. I don't even care who it's by anymore, I worry nonetheless. But I feel better after reading the comments though. Thanks for not commenting as harshly as before, you guys.. you know who you are. Because when there are no comments, I feel like I'm just letting out my feelings to a brick wall and that none of you even care. But comments, like before I read them fully, stress me out. But I want, maybe even need, comments. Because nowadays, I always assume that comments longer than two sentences are gonna threaten me in one way or another. But now they end up making me feel a little better. Haha, I have comment paranoia. Thank you everyone.

*takes a breath* yeah. there. 

You better have read that huge and unorganized paragraph up there. Some of the top thoughts in my messy mind at the moment. I'm too tired, and emotionally drained, to explain in a neater way.

The RIM today is a yellow ladybug.. hat. If you play that AJ game and feel like wearing a yellow ladybug as a hat, then be my guest and place a yellow ladybug on your avatar's head. Poor ladybug. That is one huge ladybug. AJ makes weird yet uncreative RIMs. 

Tomorrow is gonna be a long day, that's for sure. With speaking to our counselours about what electives we're intending on taking next year, and then with two tests in two classes immediately back to back. At least those are my strength subjects. I think. 

If you have anything to say, anything to let go, then leave that in the comments below (don't hurt me please ;-;). Don't make the mistake I made time and time again. Please don't keep those feelings bottled up inside of you. It pains me how I go online, on other sites I mean, and see how troubled those people I consider my friends are. I know those people don't even know this site exists. And I honestly don't want them to. Maybe you're like that too. Maybe you go on those other sites as well. Maybe, maybe not. 

*takes another breath* ...

I'm sorry I don't really know what to say. I'm sorry I can't be that much of a help to you. I'm sorry for being such a prick and venting so much. I can't help it. I know it makes me selfish. If you're in troubled times or anything, you don't have to pretend that everything's okay. Because it's okay if it's not. Don't die on me. You're amazing, okay kid? You don't have to lie, pretend it's okay, just to attempt to make me feel better. I love you, I care about you, okay? I'm honestly unsure if things will get completely better and they'll be a "happy ending" in the future for me due to all the things I've unfortunately (not) done. I doubt you're as pathetic and as foolish as me. But you.. you're all amazing. Take care, and I'll take care. Tell and show those demonic voices in your head that you're better than them and you can defeat them. Death isn't a solution. Remember that. And I will too. 

Bye guys, take care of yourselves. And I will too. 

~ Cutepups <3 

idk here's a good vibes post

Hey. I'm so tired. The medicine is starting to take effect now. My nose is still congested though. Like what is this. Come on man.

But yes. I am here. New post. On the same day. Woohoo-- *falls onto bed*.

Oh yeah, I remember now. Haha. XD

90k views now. 20 followers now. Yeeeeee ily ;v;! I love you all! <3

Oh wow. I just realized I was sick at the same time last year. Well, a few days off. And great, I'm sick now.

My posts from last year at this time. Haha yeah, I was still in my crazy blogging phase. With YouTube song lyrics videos on almost every post. Or a skit. With Duke being high on drugs or something.. I don't even know anymore. Haha, I just reread this AJ post from last February where I searched up AJ usernames that had the characters from the animes, Attack on Titan and No Game No Life. My comments though. Wow, what an embarrassment. So many regrets. Oh dear..

Well anywho, if those specific school things aren't brought up, the chances of me crying inside and having a breakdown in my own head is greatly lowered. Because those school things are a big tangle of stress. They weren't today, so I feel less upset about those things. As of right now. It's kinda hard for me to breathe now though.

Yes, crying inside. So many times nowadays, I feel like I'm crying in my head. Ah yes, suffering is fun :)). Like my eyes feel a certain way during this. They're dry.. too dry to cry. And it's hard to blink. Eye pain.. great. Vision very slowly going bad.. great. Fun.. :))

Actually, hold up. My friend just texted me something cool and not too nerdy for once. Yeah..

Wow, that was nice. :'D

I'm on such a personally deep level with you guys. Even more personal than my real life friends. That's kinda scary. Like, you know, how we trust each other.. we do, right, bros?! Even though we don't share what we look like irl  (I actually did once.. that was swaggy) and hear each other's voices, I love chatting and commenting with you guys. And if you're too shy to comment and not on the other sites I go on, then you can just email me. Like about.. idk.. whatever. Wow, I type idk in my posts a lot. Haha ye. It's me saying I don't know in a very timid and unsure voice. Like saying I don't know seems to loud and certain for me while idk isn't. Whelp, I guess that technically could happen. Live videochatting. Haha ye. Except I only have a personal Skype that I haven't been on in several months. And how my house and voice are both.. ugh. My voice is a different type of ugh. It sounds from a place that's not from where I live. How I got it, I have no idea. And my house, like where I live, it's a mess. Wow, I'm getting personal here. Better watch out, S-, oh shoot I mean S-Cutepups! That was a close one. Haha ye. I'm so tired. How am I still awake. I took drugs today. Because I'm sick. When we were younger, my siblings used to tease me when I would get sick (which was pretty often because I was a messed up child) and repeatedly namecall me, "sicko!". Now we grew up. We moved away from each other. Well, they did. Because of college and all. Yeah.. this paragraph is getting way too long, I'll cut it here.

Now some self-care reminders for myself! They can help you out as well, if you want. ;D

Read them to yourself. I as in you. Yourself. Yes, you.

- I am real.
- I am not fake.
- Things revolving around school don't mean the entire world.
- I can and will survive this.
- I have reasons to live.
- People care about me.
- I look cute sometimes.
- I play with my hair to look like a boy sometimes.
- Physical sicknesses don't last forever, and mental ones don't always have to either.
- I can get through this.

Well.. g'night!

Life Stuff + Unhappy Poem

Hello. I'm back with another post. Yay.. :/ (sorry everyone) 

I tried to make a post the other day, but Blogger wasn't working for me to make a new post. I'm posting this on my iPad now though. So yeah.

I also wasn't blogging much because I'm busy with other stuff. I mean I still I am. But I feel like making a post now. I also recently kinda got sick (throat is a little sore and my nose is congested.. ew). And school is just painful. Yeah mhmm. 

Let's just say this bunch of school stuff has made me.. unhappy again. And "never good enough". And hopeless. So yeah, I hate school.. stuff. I don't want to go that into it though. Oh well. 

I was thinking of typing up a poem on here the other day, but I feel a little better now than, per say, a few hours ago. It must've been those soothing and happy tea scents I smelled and tasted earlier. Maybe. Or chatting with people I like to chat with. Probably both. 

I'm pretty sure I posted about this before, but oh well (haha yes). If you're American and like American history, there's this soundtrack/play that's great. (I love the music soundtrack (Hamilton the Musical) so much omg.. I learned about the Hamilton thing with Burr and all that in my history class too. Ok ye). I think there was a performance of the song, Alexander Hamilton, (such a great help in history class .. other songs are too ;o;) on the Grammies. Yeah, that's the educational part of this post. Not really. Well, I learned more about this stuff by listening to this play's soundtrack than just taking notes for class. I have this love for Broadway plays, you see. It's this thing (I see at least one new play a year). True love. Oh yes. <3

So today I went with my dad to this orchard store. Orchard stores are so nice. Special honeys, special syrups, special jams, special sauces, etc., etc. But today we saw some new special stuff. Different types of rainbow cookies, and the teas. The teas! There was this whole section of these different teas. There was even this chocolate (mint, red velvet) tea. And there were also these.. um like.. therapeutic teas. All these teas came in these cans. Like there was this stress reliever, this constipation one, this one that aids with sleep, this one that makes you more happy, this losing weight one, this one for skin care, this one for sore throat.. I might be missing one or two of them, but I forgot what they were. 

Ugh, congestion is such a pain. :/ 

Actually.. why not. The poem. Or a bunch of words. That's basically what it is. Oh what a bummer. Too bad. Inspired by music because I love music that I love listening to. Yeah.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*insert a title here.. I'm too lazy to lol* 

Colors,

No matter what happens

Whether they're dark and dull 

Or whether they're light and bright 

Even if it's a vibrant rainbow

It doesn't change a thing 

If in your head,

Everything's gray

Happiness, where have you gone?

You come and go like the wind

And like those people in my life

Who have come and gone 

Happiness is temporary 

Happiness comes and goes

Is happiness even real? 

I catch you time and time again

Only for you to leave once again

Why are you the way you are

In the ways of your complexity?

Happiness, are you just a distraction?

Are you an illusion?

Does your true form ever appear?

Why is it so hard for you to stay?

Or is the concept of happiness

Only a lie? 

It's so hard for happiness to stay

Losing it for reasons I can't control 

It's the inevitable

Life doesn't stop for anybody

It's out of my control

But that doesn't matter

All these lines

Trace back to me

It's gonna be my fault

But it's not 

But it is

Contradictions piling up

I know I'm the only one 

I can control 

I can only shape my own destiny 

I can only control me

And that just makes 

Me want to 

Tear myself apart

Because in the end

It always is my fault

I can't control 

The inevitable from happening 

But I'm weak and vulnerable 

Yet I still let it affect me

Because that's how it is 

I'll tear myself apart

I'll try my best 

I'll put this fake smile on

I'll pretend that it doesn't affect me

I'll pretend that I'm still happy

I'll consider myself too weak for life

I'll lie

I'll hurt myself

I'll do whatever it takes

I'll do it all for you

Because I know

I know that I upset you

I know you don't like to see me

Because your words

Affect me a lot

Some might say

Sticks and stones can break my bones

But words are bullets

Words are killers

Killing life

Sticks and stones don't even come close

To how much words can hurt 

I know I can't get you to understand

So I'll stay away

I'll be fake 

I'll fall down

If that's what it takes 

To reassure you 

To make sure you're okay

When I'm not sure if I am 

Because I know

You hate me like this 

But it's hard

When the world and the inevitable 

Are threatening to bring me down

Aiming with their guns and knives 

To break me 

Colors,

No matter what happens

Whether they're dark and dull 

Or whether they're light and bright 

Even if it's a vibrant rainbow

It doesn't change a thing 

If in your head,

Everything's gray

Because it isn't as simple

As just changing colors

And pretending 

To make me happy

Without falling to the black abyss

Nothing can save me from myself 

I'm the only one I can control 

And when everything is against you

It's hard to remain happy

When everything reminds you 

Of how you're making yourself fall apart 

~*~*~*~

PS: We made it to 90,000 views! 

~ Cutepups 

Oh my gosh I'm crying

Hi guys. :') 

Ah yes. That feel when you type up such a gay post that has extremely vague spoilers but only being understood by me. That feel when two of your gay friends turn such a simple activity into everything gay (so gay). Ah yes, this you is me. Haha yeah.. fun. :') 

So anyway, school is back. Back to unfortunate suffering, amirite? ;') 

About school, haha, my classmates and I went on this website today. It's this website where students rate their teachers (or professors for college students). So, haha, we put in all of our high school teachers' names into the website's searchbar thing. The results for every one of our teachers were a whole lot more of negative reviews than positive ones. Nearly all of them were about how "so-and-so-teacher doesn't teach" and "so-and-so-teacher is such a strict grader". So the funny part is, one of my classmates in one of my classes today told the teacher of that class the results he got on the website. Lots of them were negative. Basically, it resulted in him (the teacher) and the entire class crying in laughter. (The results some students put were so hilarious XD). 

So then after I come home from school today, I search up as many of my teachers from last year (a few from middle school as well) into the website. Oh man, the results for my teachers are so terrible. Most of them have 2 to 3.5 stars (out of 5). Like okay, the high school teachers I have had are very vague at teaching and expect us to learn the entire chapter material in one class and for us to fully understand it all in our own time (aka not in the class itself). And for the ones in middle school, there were mostly complaints on how corny they are. But at least those results weren't as bad as the ones for my high school teachers.

And people still wonder why we (aka me + 99% of students in my school) dislike school and America's education system. I wonder why... :/

But the results were still funny since they were so exaggerated. Like sure, they might not teach that well, but they aren't that terrible. Oh boy, was going on this website such an experience... X'D 

Here's that website if you want to search up your own teachers and see the results that come up. It's quite something. ;) 

http://www.ratemyteachers.com/

Have fun. :'D 

~ Cutepups <3

wild ride on aj mm + skit of feels

I had to bruh.

I went on AJ today. Oh yes. Such a wild ride.

These are very meaningful quotes I said on the ajjam game with my swag buddy ol' pal.

"If you zoom in on his face, you'll see the smile of a broken man." and "He wants to be loved." are my quotes that describe this clown/marshmallowman/candyman item I own.

Wait, I think I still have it...

Yes. Him. <3 <3 <3

I also got 1 diamond when I logged on AJ today. Cool.

I also got this Jam-A-Gram today.

And I replied with this. XD

I scribbled out their username for privacy reasons. Yeah ok. I didn't want to appear (all too) threatening, so I put the peace sign stamp on it. Like be peaceful. Oh yes.

I had such a swell time with my AJ buddy ol' pal. It was very swaggy. 8D

YouTube is so funny *clenches fist* with them *clenches fist* videos. mm tasteful.

Oh yeah, here's today's RIM.

HAHAHAHAHAHA skit time! >:D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Finny: Yo Brock, what is this?

Brock: It's obviously a wizard hat.

Sparkle: It clearly says Fairy Princess Hat.

Brock: No, it's obviously a fluffy wizard hat.

Finny: So cool. So cool. So cool. 

Brock: Like from Hari Pootah. "Yer a wizard, Hairy!"

Sparkle: It's a princess hat though. And that's from Harry Potter.

Brock: No, it's a wizard hat!

Sparkle: You two are idiots. *walks towards door to exit room*

Finny: No, don't leave me, my love! *chases after Sparkle after she leaves*

(Somehow, the rest of the squad is in the scene now.. excluding Sparkle and Finny. And Brock too.)

Fierdan: *inspects RIM* Ah yes, this is definitely a wizard hat.

Duke: It clearly says fairy princess--

Fierdan: No, it's a wizard hat, son.

Dawn: Yes, Fierdan and I are wizards. We know what we are talking about.

Twinkle: Oh really? Cast a spell, you two.

(Dawn and Fierdan exchange looks.)

Dawn: Well, uh...

Fierdan: We can't really cast spells.. um...

Twinkle: And why not?

Duke: Yeah why?

Fierdan: Well, Cutepups still hasn't figured out which words to use based on the Latin language to use for our spell names and enchantments.. you know, stuff like that.

Duke: Then how do you expect us to believe that you're two wizards?

Dawn: Well, I actually casted spells on you many, many times.

Duke: No.. oh wait. Like that time with the scars?

Dawn: Yes exactly.

Twinkle: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What scars?

Duke: Umm...

(Random rainbow fox magically enters scene.)

Rainbow Fox: I know you're gay!

Everyone else: ...

Rainbow Fox: *stares at Duke and Fierdan* I know you're in love with each other. I know everything.

Duke: *whispers under breath to Fierdan* What the heck is she talking about? *looks over at Fierdan* What the heck!

Fierdan: *looking at floor and blushing*

Duke: Dawn, do something! Weren't you in an affair or something?

Dawn: Yeah.. how about no.

Duke: Twinkle?

Twinkle: No, this is pretty cute.

Duke: What?!

Rainbow Fox: Let me explain, dear child. Fierdan.. um.. well.. he wants to kill you because your physical body has been protecting Soulless for so long, thus Soulless can't die, thus Soulless continues to torment Fierdan, and in turn, yourself as well.

Duke: Um.. okay? But what--

Rainbow Fox: He wants to protect you. Like.. um.. he wants to correct his wrongdoings. He wants you to kill Soulless yourself, which in turn means killing your physical body as well. He teamed up with Soulless actually to make you have a death date. But without Soulless knowing, he wants Soulless and your physical form to die before the death date occurs.

Duke: *looks at floor with face burning and clenches his fists* God.. dammit. I knew it wasn't just Soulless. *angrily points at Fierdan* I thought you were good, but I was obviously wrong. You agreed to and allowed yourself to kill all those people. Mira, Fierdan! Zios! Those children who loved them! Those weak people! God.. dammit, Fierdan! Stop avoiding the reality that you're a murderer! You.. are.. unbelievable. After all this time, you're still using me for your freaking schemes. Just like in the hospital.. you never changed. *fumes (is very angry)*

Twinkle: Wha--

Duke: Shut up! God.. dammit. You.. he.. always wanted me dead. I'm too effed up, aren't I? It's.. it's his fault! I bet it's your fault you ruined my life. You.. you.. *swears* you.

Dawn: Whoa, language.

Duke: *swears repeatedly*

Fierdan: *finally looks up and looks at Duke*

Duke: Just because you have a yearning for death doesn't mean you have to get me involved. You made me lie. You made me think that everything was fine when I would tear myself apart.. for you. You made my mom hate me. Just because you killed yours doesn't mean you can eff up mine. God.. dammit, it hurts, Fierdan, it freaking hurts!

Fierdan: I never had loving parents either. 

Duke: Because you killed them!

Fierdan: You don't know what they did. They tried to kill me!

Duke: Stop lying! 

Fierdan: Zios is, yes, my father's name. But Mira? She's not my mother. I bet she worked with them to kill my real mom!

Duke: All you do is hurt everybody. Especially me.

Fierdan: If I only want to hurt you, I'd kill you right now. Without saving you.

Duke: If you want me to freaking kill myself to kill Soulless, how the heck are you saving me? You just want me dead because you screwed up by allowing me to exist!

Twinkle: This story is gonna end up being a tragedy, isn't it?

Dawn: *shrugs*

Twinkle: Um...

Dawn: Yeah.

Rainbow Fox: Soul unity. Fierdan really wants you to kill Soulless and your physical form with it. But your other form, like your soul, he wants to save that last part of you from being destroyed like the rest. He wants to save you. He loves you!

Duke: Well, I don't love him.

Rainbow Fox: No, you have to! I know you love each other more than anybody else in this room.

Twinkle: Hey, wait--

Dawn: Wow.

Duke: Okay, what is that supposed to mean?

Rainbow Fox: *giggles* Fierdan wants your soul and his to mate.

Duke: Uh.. eww.

Fierdan: Soul uniting doesn't equal mating. 

Rainbow Fox: *still giggling* Yes it does. 

Fierdan: *blushes again* No it doesn't! And it doesn't mean I'm gay for Duke.

Rainbow Fox: Oh really? 

Duke: Eww no, I'd rather die completely than make out with you. What the heck is wrong with you?!

Fierdan: For crying out loud, souls uniting into one is nothing like mating. 

Rainbow Fox: Okay, gosh, maybe not in that way.

Duke: Oh.. oh god. No, no, nope. Count me out.

Rainbow Fox: Well, it still involves close and tight hugs and kissing.

Fierdan: Yeah. *blushing*

Duke: Still freaking me out here.

Dawn: Ugh, don't be that stereotypical boy! If you have to kiss him, you have to kiss him! It's just your souls anyways.

Twinkle: *snickers* Maybe you two should practice now just in case.

Duke: But--

Twinkle: Haha, I feel nothing anymore! You kissed Dawn behind my back, so why should I care if you kiss your new boyfriend too?

Fierdan: Don't go that far. I swear I'm not gay.

Rainbow Fox: That is true. If anything, you're bi.

Fierdan: The ritual of soul unity doesn't equal forming a relationship. Gosh!

(Noise from hallway.)

Brock: Hari Pootah and the Sourcer's Stoon! Hagreed told Hari, "Yer a wizard, Hairy!"

Sparkle: Your words are hurting my brain because of your stupidity. It's Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, and it's Hagrid. 

Finny: I thought it was called Philosopher's Stone.

Sparkle: Two titles, Finny, two titles! 

Brock: Leviosa, leviosa, leviosa! 

Sparkle: Are you kidding me? You can pronounce that spell correctly, but not simple names?!

Brock: Yeah so? You jealous of my swag?

Finny: Oh.

(From inside room.)

Twinkle: Brock, Sparkle, and Finny have been fangirling over books while we're arguing whether Fierdan is gay or not!

Duke: My god. 

Rainbow Fox: Well, better run! Bye, kids!

Dawn: Um.. okay.

Fierdan: I'm not gay though.

Duke: Listen you, stop lying. 

Fierdan: But--

Duke: Then how come you have been longing for the opportunity to kiss me?

Fierdan: ...

Duke: Exactly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WOW LOL

;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

byeee c:

Kinda New Blog Look

Hi guys! :)

Today has been a pretty good day for me. Yeah.. um.. here's a cute little gif that I didn't make. XD

Pusheen! :3

Valentine's Day, Friendship Day, that day with lots of red hearts and chocolates, Sunday.. whichever name you call today, I hope you all had a good day today. And if you're not into love (I'm not much into that either), then hey, chocolate day! XD yeah.. idk. :p

Haha...

So anyway, yes, I did just edit the banner just now. Yes, I know the birds aren't completely even, but I can't change that anymore. Oh darn. :(

But yeah, I changed the color schemes of the blog too. Perhaps these more bright and cheerful purples will make me feel less "down in the dumps" than the monochrome (black/white/gray) and blues I have been using as the blog's color schemes for so long. Maybe it'll help just a little. The past banners I used were so depressing. Not saying this one isn't either, it's more bright and colorful though. Haha, I made the blog look a lot more girly, didn't I? Ah well, I was getting bored with the depressing blacks, grays, and blues I've been using. And February corresponds with the color lavender in my head, so I changed the colors to lavender. ^-^'

But to be honest, I doubt this happiness of mine with these nice posts will last long. To be honest, I'm mostly just happy because this is a 4-day weekend for me. I'm stressed over those school things more than ever now. My friend changed her mind about a part of it, so she isn't signing up for the same thing as me anymore. Which made me feel bummed. So yeah.. school is stressful.

So yes, I edited the banner a bit just now. The colors should appear more brightly now. Like, um, the green color for Dawn, the red/brown color for Duke/Fierdan, the blue color for Twinkle, and the yellow color for Fauna show up more vibrantly now.

Hmm.. what else? Does anyone even visit here anymore? Any posting ideas for me? Maybe an advice page with all those links? Maybe? Just in case? Perhaps? Hmm? *shrugs*

Well, now there's less than 600 pageviews to go until 90,000 pageviews. Woot, woot! ;D

See you~

Taking a Visit!

Yes! Yes, I did! Woohoo! :D

Today has been a good day. I'm actually on my computer. Haha yes. c:

I changed some things on my Blogger Profile. That avatar is supposed to be me. Not any of my characters or other OCs or anything. Yep. c:

Why yes, I don't actually have blue hair.. or blue eyes. They're actually both brown. I have brown glasses too. I didn't draw this or anything. I just put some edits on it. So yeah. ^w^

So I decided to go on AJ... ^-^'

w o w
u n b e l i e v a b l e
c u t e p u p s
w e n t
o n
A J
t o d a y
t h i s
p o s t
m u s t
b e
s o
s h o c k i n g
w o w
o k a y
I ' l l
s t o p
t y p i n g
l i k e
t h i s
X D

(I'm in a happy mood right now, if you couldn't tell. But the moment I woke up this morning, I suddenly had a headache. That was inconvenient. It's gone now though. :3)

oh right

The AJ loading screen when I logged in.. (ooh, so fascinating lol):

But before we proceed, have this brief introduction thing by Precious. Who is my AJ character. :)

So now onto the things I discovered! (ooh, so many changes and new things)

yeah okay

Pet armadillos are out in the Diamond Shop! I designed this one. He looks classy. c;

The Parties menu changed. There's this new Chinese New Year Party. Didn't Chinese New Year's just pass? I think so anyways. Bummer, I don't have a monkey. I'm still wondering if there will be a Leap Year Party coming later this month. There was one in 2012, which was the previous Leap Year. There's also these other parties below that. I don't really know what it means by "host your own party". Is it a members-only thing? Is that icon with the clock thing for scheduling a party? Why was no one in any of those bottom parties? This confuses me lol.

The "change your look" screen also changed a bit. Got 100 more item slots. There's also this little brush icon which makes it way easier to take all the items your animal is wearing off. I have to say this update is pretty convenient. 

Haha, the last Jam-A-Gram I got was a holidays one from Cooky. Wow, it's been a while, huh? The JAG screen looks totally different. Previous JAGs are featured on the left side now, and the other buttons are in different spots now. It took me at least a minute to figure out where all the buttons went. Wow, I never deleted my JAGs in so long. Oh well.

And here's the JAG screen for sending one. Different templates are featured on the right side now. 

I didn't feel like taking too many screenshots. I also saw the two new dens. They're alright, I guess.

And, well, that's it.

Bye guys! 

(wow a signature! :o)

(I really should make a new one before I forget. But I rarely use signatures anymore, so maybe not. I don't know. Well, bye!)