well hello there friends

Well.. hello! How are you guys doing? Are you okay? Do any of you need a hug? I need a hug. Oh wait, I'm a little sick. I'm pretty sure I flunked a test today. I have two tomorrow. The day I talk about what electives I'm gonna choose for next year is tomorrow. I'm still a little hesitant on my choices. Yeah, I'll type about that later. I'm problematic. I talked with that friend of mine about it. Things are better now. Funny how I think being online so much makes me feel so anxious and depressed. But I feel so guilty using those words. I don't know what other words to use. But when I leave my online things for a longer time, I feel even worse. Who am I kidding. It's just puberty, and I'm too weak and pathetic to deal with it so complaining happens. Also with comments. I love getting comments, I really do. It's just that, well, even just looking at my Dashboard and seeing a comment having to be moderated (it makes me reassured that I see and know all new comments that get published), I get this pain in my stomach for only a minute or two. I don't even care who it's by anymore, I worry nonetheless. But I feel better after reading the comments though. Thanks for not commenting as harshly as before, you guys.. you know who you are. Because when there are no comments, I feel like I'm just letting out my feelings to a brick wall and that none of you even care. But comments, like before I read them fully, stress me out. But I want, maybe even need, comments. Because nowadays, I always assume that comments longer than two sentences are gonna threaten me in one way or another. But now they end up making me feel a little better. Haha, I have comment paranoia. Thank you everyone.

*takes a breath* yeah. there. 

You better have read that huge and unorganized paragraph up there. Some of the top thoughts in my messy mind at the moment. I'm too tired, and emotionally drained, to explain in a neater way.

The RIM today is a yellow ladybug.. hat. If you play that AJ game and feel like wearing a yellow ladybug as a hat, then be my guest and place a yellow ladybug on your avatar's head. Poor ladybug. That is one huge ladybug. AJ makes weird yet uncreative RIMs. 

Tomorrow is gonna be a long day, that's for sure. With speaking to our counselours about what electives we're intending on taking next year, and then with two tests in two classes immediately back to back. At least those are my strength subjects. I think. 

If you have anything to say, anything to let go, then leave that in the comments below (don't hurt me please ;-;). Don't make the mistake I made time and time again. Please don't keep those feelings bottled up inside of you. It pains me how I go online, on other sites I mean, and see how troubled those people I consider my friends are. I know those people don't even know this site exists. And I honestly don't want them to. Maybe you're like that too. Maybe you go on those other sites as well. Maybe, maybe not. 

*takes another breath* ...

I'm sorry I don't really know what to say. I'm sorry I can't be that much of a help to you. I'm sorry for being such a prick and venting so much. I can't help it. I know it makes me selfish. If you're in troubled times or anything, you don't have to pretend that everything's okay. Because it's okay if it's not. Don't die on me. You're amazing, okay kid? You don't have to lie, pretend it's okay, just to attempt to make me feel better. I love you, I care about you, okay? I'm honestly unsure if things will get completely better and they'll be a "happy ending" in the future for me due to all the things I've unfortunately (not) done. I doubt you're as pathetic and as foolish as me. But you.. you're all amazing. Take care, and I'll take care. Tell and show those demonic voices in your head that you're better than them and you can defeat them. Death isn't a solution. Remember that. And I will too. 

Bye guys, take care of yourselves. And I will too. 

~ Cutepups <3