Hi guys. Haha, I'm back. It's almost February 29th. Leap Day. That's nice. I visited an AJ blog I like.. I'm kinda disappointed in how the Leap Year Party is. Frogs are cool, I guess. Doot, doot. Cuz why not.
So.. um.. that family cousins conflict thing I posted vaguely about a few weeks ago? Well, I'll just say they're back and safe now. So that's good. Uh.. yeah.
So, about last post.. just saying what's on my mind and what's bothering me. Sorry for being gloomy, guys.. if you're even still here and care.. yeah right. Irritability and regret sums me up basically. Well, maybe not as irritable as before.. but I still am. I'm just more tired overall to be as irritable if that makes any sense. Whelp, I'm not a happy-go-lucky person, sorry that's that.
The more I'm on here and these other sites, the more unhappy I get. It's upsetting really. I feel worse constantly going on here and those sites. Ugh.. I'm sorry, guys. I don't know what else to do, so I keep on returning several times a day to here and those sites. I've had thoughts of temporarily quitting/leaving/deleting quite a few times over these past months. Because I'm not happy being here anymore, and you don't make me that happy anymore. But I just can't make myself actually do that. Ugh, I really don't know what to. I love you, I hate you.. I don't know what I'm feeling anymore. So.. that's that.
I want to be helpful. I want to be a good friend that can actually be there for you. But I just can't. It's frustrating that I can't help you.. certain people. You've got a lot going on, a lot of insecurities too. It's frustrating because I've got my own pathetic insecurities too. It's frustrating that I'm so awkward and helpless.. and that I can't bring myself to do anything. I wish I could help you, I really do, but I don't know how I can make myself feel better.. and to actually mean that to last a longer amount of time. So, if thats how things are with me, I sure dont know how I can be helpful to you when you need it. Heck, you can be one of the best friends I ever had, yet I still get stressed when chatting with you, with starting a conversation with you.. ugh, sorry. I guess that's one reason I'm upset being here and on those sites.
Just typing out some thoughts here. This post is gonna end up worrying me. They almost all do nowadays. Oh well.
Ah.. It's February 29th now. Nice. Oh and Leonardo DiCaprio finally won an Oscar award.. haha.
Bye guys. Thanks for baring with me.
I might make a post later today. Because it's Leap Day. Yeah.
Why am I still here?
Until next post. Good. Bye.
~ Cutepups the pitiful awkward loner one.
(doot, doot)
On the radio, this lady said that she watched Leonado DiCaprio for her birthday, and it was boring. She said that 50% of the movie was people talking and the other 50% was Leonardo struggling to live. I dunno.
ReplyDeleteOkay bye.
Yeah, I heard The Revenant was pretty boring, too (that's the name of the movie).
DeleteWell, I mean, it's okay if you're not able to help people. Specifically.. Um, me? I can't really help people, but trust me, I'll do fine, anyways. I'm not going to yell at you for posting stuff. It's just your feelings. You can't help the way you feel. What makes you comfortable, maybe you should think about that.
ReplyDelete... um.... (eh whatever). Yes, you. Yes, those people/friends on other sites who don't visit here. Yes, those other people on those other sites (you know.. tumblr and DA) who aren't even friends, or even mutual a, with me. Yes, some irl friends and family members. (I'd rather type it up then type/say it directly to them, so, idk why, I just type it on here. But yeah, you're one of those people, to be honest. I'm too much of a coward to say exactly who, nevertheless actually to them like I just said.). But I'm sick of it. They've, yes including you *ahem..* helped me so many (or maybe just a few) times, meanwhile I don't even know how to talk correctly to help them out when they need help too.. and when they need the help/support a whole lot more than I ever did. Ugh, I can't even do that right. And I'm never there at the right time when they desperately need that help/support. It's so stupid and selfish for me to be the one constantly crying for help, while they, you, are really the ones who need the help and not me. They, you, did so many things to make me better, but I can't even make myself do it back for them.. when I know they need it a whole lot more than I did. Ugh, I'm repeating words. It's just making me feel so pathetic and guilty.. like I feel like I'm faking what I'm feeling and exaggerating, but I know I'm not. And, unlike them, my life (reality, mentally) isn't even close as how bad theirs is, so I keep on feeling like I'm doing this for attention, and that I have no excuse for this. But I don't exaggerate.. well, I try my best not to exaggerate too much. But if I exaggerate, I only do it in my writings (like my poems and story pieces). And at least you know what to do and tell them. I remember you (used to) give advice to people and help them out.. me too I think.
Delete