Life Stuff + Unhappy Poem

Hello. I'm back with another post. Yay.. :/ (sorry everyone) 

I tried to make a post the other day, but Blogger wasn't working for me to make a new post. I'm posting this on my iPad now though. So yeah.

I also wasn't blogging much because I'm busy with other stuff. I mean I still I am. But I feel like making a post now. I also recently kinda got sick (throat is a little sore and my nose is congested.. ew). And school is just painful. Yeah mhmm. 

Let's just say this bunch of school stuff has made me.. unhappy again. And "never good enough". And hopeless. So yeah, I hate school.. stuff. I don't want to go that into it though. Oh well. 

I was thinking of typing up a poem on here the other day, but I feel a little better now than, per say, a few hours ago. It must've been those soothing and happy tea scents I smelled and tasted earlier. Maybe. Or chatting with people I like to chat with. Probably both. 

I'm pretty sure I posted about this before, but oh well (haha yes). If you're American and like American history, there's this soundtrack/play that's great. (I love the music soundtrack (Hamilton the Musical) so much omg.. I learned about the Hamilton thing with Burr and all that in my history class too. Ok ye). I think there was a performance of the song, Alexander Hamilton, (such a great help in history class .. other songs are too ;o;) on the Grammies. Yeah, that's the educational part of this post. Not really. Well, I learned more about this stuff by listening to this play's soundtrack than just taking notes for class. I have this love for Broadway plays, you see. It's this thing (I see at least one new play a year). True love. Oh yes. <3

So today I went with my dad to this orchard store. Orchard stores are so nice. Special honeys, special syrups, special jams, special sauces, etc., etc. But today we saw some new special stuff. Different types of rainbow cookies, and the teas. The teas! There was this whole section of these different teas. There was even this chocolate (mint, red velvet) tea. And there were also these.. um like.. therapeutic teas. All these teas came in these cans. Like there was this stress reliever, this constipation one, this one that aids with sleep, this one that makes you more happy, this losing weight one, this one for skin care, this one for sore throat.. I might be missing one or two of them, but I forgot what they were. 

Ugh, congestion is such a pain. :/ 

Actually.. why not. The poem. Or a bunch of words. That's basically what it is. Oh what a bummer. Too bad. Inspired by music because I love music that I love listening to. Yeah.

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*insert a title here.. I'm too lazy to lol* 

Colors,

No matter what happens

Whether they're dark and dull 

Or whether they're light and bright 

Even if it's a vibrant rainbow

It doesn't change a thing 

If in your head,

Everything's gray

Happiness, where have you gone?

You come and go like the wind

And like those people in my life

Who have come and gone 

Happiness is temporary 

Happiness comes and goes

Is happiness even real? 

I catch you time and time again

Only for you to leave once again

Why are you the way you are

In the ways of your complexity?

Happiness, are you just a distraction?

Are you an illusion?

Does your true form ever appear?

Why is it so hard for you to stay?

Or is the concept of happiness

Only a lie? 

It's so hard for happiness to stay

Losing it for reasons I can't control 

It's the inevitable

Life doesn't stop for anybody

It's out of my control

But that doesn't matter

All these lines

Trace back to me

It's gonna be my fault

But it's not 

But it is

Contradictions piling up

I know I'm the only one 

I can control 

I can only shape my own destiny 

I can only control me

And that just makes 

Me want to 

Tear myself apart

Because in the end

It always is my fault

I can't control 

The inevitable from happening 

But I'm weak and vulnerable 

Yet I still let it affect me

Because that's how it is 

I'll tear myself apart

I'll try my best 

I'll put this fake smile on

I'll pretend that it doesn't affect me

I'll pretend that I'm still happy

I'll consider myself too weak for life

I'll lie

I'll hurt myself

I'll do whatever it takes

I'll do it all for you

Because I know

I know that I upset you

I know you don't like to see me

Because your words

Affect me a lot

Some might say

Sticks and stones can break my bones

But words are bullets

Words are killers

Killing life

Sticks and stones don't even come close

To how much words can hurt 

I know I can't get you to understand

So I'll stay away

I'll be fake 

I'll fall down

If that's what it takes 

To reassure you 

To make sure you're okay

When I'm not sure if I am 

Because I know

You hate me like this 

But it's hard

When the world and the inevitable 

Are threatening to bring me down

Aiming with their guns and knives 

To break me 

Colors,

No matter what happens

Whether they're dark and dull 

Or whether they're light and bright 

Even if it's a vibrant rainbow

It doesn't change a thing 

If in your head,

Everything's gray

Because it isn't as simple

As just changing colors

And pretending 

To make me happy

Without falling to the black abyss

Nothing can save me from myself 

I'm the only one I can control 

And when everything is against you

It's hard to remain happy

When everything reminds you 

Of how you're making yourself fall apart 

~*~*~*~

PS: We made it to 90,000 views! 

~ Cutepups