Black Flag

Um.. hi. New follower, huh? That's nice. I've been working on some Pearl fan-art. Heh yeah.

I still gotta get to the store and buy some new earbuds. Listening to music and videos without earbuds is different. Yeah lol I guess.

Oh and I was walking Sunshine earlier this night, and there was this noise. Like, idk man, birds and crickets are my best guesses. And it sounded like demons cackling. ??? yeah it was weird.

??? why do i even post this kind of stuff

But I saw two cute little bunnies outside before that. I always see bunnies here though. Heh.

Okay, brief explanation time. So, ahem, what I meant by my writings last post, I was posting more on my story-writings than my poetry. I'm working on a story (psst, it's the beginning part of my characters I barely use- Teal and Violet) this week. I have it online, so I guess I could post it for you guys to see lol. But I can't help feeling disappointed at it. I just can't focus and write stories that I view as good. In all honesty, there really is no improvement. To be honest, I think the quality of my story-writing skills are declining.

But then again. I know I haven't written a story piece for so many months now. So that's that.

But I can't afford going nowhere in improvement. Life is stressful with college this, college that. Every thing I have a decent amount of interest in (I mainly mean writing and art lol) gets related to college now.

Oh S, what do you want to major in? You like drawing, let's visit an art college. You like writing, perhaps you should go to a writer's college and study creative writing or a regular college for an english major. You have to know what you want. You're halfway done with high school. College...

My art and writings aren't good enough for that. My works don't have that high quality. I'm not that talented, okay? Just.. just looking around me, around them too, people have theirs tons of times better than mine. So, eh, I don't get it. Any of it.

Oh and I feel like I'm not being dedicated and sincere enough in my replies to you guys' comments. And I feel bad about it. But I really do care about what you comment. Heck, sometimes I read them several times in the moderation thing and forget to publish them until hours later. And then I read them over and over again once they're published. I just don't really know what to say as a reply much nowadays. So if I don't reply to comments as much, then sorry in advance.

Oh and due to the fact that I'm constantly feeling uncomfortable and guilty, that makes me sad too. But not really that sad. Like I'm mainly just being weighed down internally by the weight of existential dread. And the weight is painful. And it's my fault since I caused myself to become this way.

Soon enough, I'll likely take a break from blogging altogether. For a few days, a week, longer than that.. oh, I don't know. I'm just super guilty about a whole lot of irl stuff. I got a summer project to do, a summer packet to do, a summer book to read (those are the school stuff). And then there's this SAT prep stuff too. That's some stressful shiz right there. Oh and then being lectured by practically everyone I'm close with irl on how I have to stop avoiding new things and being stubborn about it. Like yeah, just make that important phone call. Oh boy, on the phone with strangers about work related things is so great. So great.. heck no. Yeah, join some clubs. And actually attend the meetings. Like huh, what a concept. Or, my favorite one, go hang out at your friend's house. You can go get pizza and ice cream. Like, what are they even saying? I can't just do that. I don't even know if I'm friends with anyone in this town, ma. I don't talk, and you want me to talk? And plan stuff? With other people? ???

As I've been saying, the struggle is real. Khill mhe. h is for heck.

Anyway, I titled this post with that title because I made a poem. I titled it Black Flag. My titles are so creative as you can see. Creative as the color green.

I'll just end the post with it then lol.

Black Flag

No, we won't 
We won't surrender 
We won't give up
We won't be defeated 
Push us
Harass us
Manipulate us
Torture us
Hate us
Break us until we
Can barely handle it anymore 
Watch us bleed 
Do absolutely nothing 
We only raise one flag
The black flag 
Because after all this
Pain and misery 
We're still here 
We're still alive 
Raise the black flag
We'll never stop fighting 
We'll never surrender 
We'll never give up 
We'll never be defeated 
We won't die yet 
So put away the white flag
It isn't a time of defeat
Not a time of suffering 
This isn't a funeral
This is a revolution 
This isn't our ending
This is our beginning 
Be proud of yourself 
You've made it this far 
You have so much more to go
So join us and grab a black flag 
Because you'll fit right in, kid 

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Decided to write a more motivational writing piece. I don't know about anyone else, but I really needed it now. Heh.
Like waving a white flag is a sign of defeat, a black flag is the total opposite. 
♡

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