I'm tired and half-asleep. Guess that means it's time for me to type up a post! ;D
This month. I swear. It's killing me.
So many bad things and mess ups only pertaining to me. Constantly feeling like a waste. Always, always frustrated with myself.
Ugh, sorry. I don't like many things about myself and what I do. I see so many people all around me, people younger than me, with their writings and art so much better than mine. Like damn.. people are so much more successful than I am. And I'm kinda in a writer's block, so that totally doesn't help. It's just frustrating seeing myself become worse. I have a shifty level of self-esteem, so I find it hard to believe when people compliment what I've created. I hate myself so much this month. Reading and hearing nice things directed at me makes me feel like the people are feeling sorry for me. I might be too self-critical and hate a lot about myself including the thoughts of my writings and art are crap, but I do love all the support I'm getting from them. I don't really know what to say most of the time, so I'll just reply back with a thank you even though I don't get how you see my stuff that way in such positivity.
Haha, I'm a loner who wants friends. But then there's the problem of trust issues involving them. Or thinking they secretly hate me, feel sorry for me, or just don't even view me as a friend. And is pretty sure that I have one, maybe two on lucky days, friend/s. But most of the time it feels like zero. Oh and then there's the problem of how I get tired and disinterested quickly, so I zone out and daydream about unpleasant things. And failing at social skills. So yes, the struggle is still real.
I kinda might've had an anxiety attack the other day that ended up with me having my lip become messed up. So it's finally starting to heal, and now it feels like there's a piece of my skin between my teeth. And it's annoying.
Oh and most of the time, I can't breathe out of my nostrils. It keeps on alternating from nostril to nostril. This has been happening for weeks, and the pills don't even help. Add on this hot and sticky summer weather with lots of humidity, it makes it not that nice living right now. Sometimes I can't breathe, so that's fantastic.
And on top of that, my earbuds got destroyed. Because Thelma's stupid, but more importantly, because I'm a stupid frick. I use earbuds to listen to music when I draw. It isn't the same without them. I can't draw without my cruddy music. That just can't happen, man. It can't.
fml. this month is testing me. there's no hope left. july 2016 vs cutepups. challenge: life. screw this, heck no.
no.
Hey, you may not think you are, but you're strong. You've made it this far <3
ReplyDeleteMy friend once told me something that I didn't appreciate at the time but I've always kept in mind: Don't ever, ever compare yourself to others. The only person you should compare yourself to is your past self.
Comparing yourself to others doesn't make sense at all when you think about it. Roses are beautiful and so are diamonds and they're nothing alike.
I really do love your writing and I don't see anything worse about your writing at all! It's only improving if you ask me. Maybe you don't see it because you're being too hard on yourself. But I sure do :-)
I don't secretly hate you , nor do I feel "sorry for you". I know you're a talented strong person and I would love being your friend.
About the lip and things, it will heal over time. Don't stress about it too much.
My earbuds got ruined too and I just bought some for like 50 cents and free shipping from Aliexpress so you may wanna look there if you're able to buy something online ^^.
If it makes you feel any better about your situation, I lost a $30 drawing tablet stylus before I even got a chance to use it :')
July's almost over and why wait for a new month to start new? Everyday's a fresh start. Every hour even. Don't give up.
I'm here if you wanna talk xx
It's like beauty (actually it pretty much is), different people are attracted to different people, same with inanimate objects.
ReplyDeleteI've seen cool young artists too and I've seen their older works. They suck. So my point being, if you draw enough somehow (I dunno how) it'll be easier for you to draw fluently, which generally makes your art better. You've probably heard this before already but just putting it out there.