not doing it today

I was about to title this post "Not Today" and start singing the song, Not Today, by Twenty One Pilots. However, I decided not to.

Haha, I'm posting this on mobile. Dang Cutepups, back at it again with typing up a post on mobile. What a loser.

Wow, that last post was weird. I started it with being child-friendly and in a cheery mood, but then I changed it to me typing swear words and making fun of myself since I hate myself a lot.

As you can see, I am a terrible blogger and person in general. Dont trust my posts. I'm not child-friendly. I'm bad. Not good.

Anyway. *starts singing Echo* "What the hell's going on? Can someone tell me please?"

I feel like a few AJ bloggers who quit posting in general are suddenly coming back now. And like. Wow, that's great! I loved reading those blogs! Those bloggers made new posts! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! Nice, good, great, wowie!

In other news, I won't be changing the blog theme at all tonight.

Doing that can take hours out of my time, and I don't have that much precious time to kill by doing that.

I have to wake up at 6 am tomorrow. What the heck, that's a little after the time I have to wake up for school. It's to go to a college open house. I visit college open houses every other Sunday, it seems. And this one is farther away than the other ones I went to. And we're picking my grandma up along the way because she wants to join us. Then after all that, we're going to a supposedly fancy-ish restaurant for my mom's birthday. Yeah. Happy birthday, mom.

Oh and I'm keeping the music playlist as it is. So what if it isn't November anymore?

I forgot to add this last post. So I'll say it now. Every time I write something in Duke's POV or him saying anything in the story, I always think of his voice being this actor's voice. I can't even say who. I don't know who. It's just like. I imagine his voice being in a certain way. Definitely not a 14 year old voice, I can tell you that. So like. Writing anything in his POV feels so intense.

Damn it, Duke.

And yes. Of course I remember the times of Puke and Tinkle. Those were the best.

Anyway. I think I'm intentionally causing myself harm again. Ayy lmao what a loser.

I swear this blog isn't even a blog anymore. It's a coping mechanism. I post about certain dreams I had. So I keep this blog as a dream journal. I vent a lot. So I keep this blog as a, um, vent journal. Mm why yes, I sure love to post all my depressing and anxious thoughts on this blog that's for the public. Mm, mm, mm. What a healthy coping mechanism. Such healthy. As healthy as my mental stability. Which isn't stable and consistent at all.

The only way I can move on from Twinkle's Story pre-Chapter 52 is if I turn it into a self-deprecating joke. Where I just roast everything about it. So that's what I'm doing. It's kinda working.

But at the same time. I could just be harming myself even more. The stuff I roast myself for caused me to have a lot of guilt and stress. And just bad times in general. And I'm bringing it back. But like. I have to move on from it. Just laugh at the past and move on.

If only I could just laugh and move on from the traumatic things I caused myself in my first ten years of life. Ha, ha. School. Myself. What a messed up loser.

I'm returning to posting new chapters every once in a while because I didn't feel satisfied if I just permanently ended Twinkle's Story with Chapter 51. I had so much more to add. So I decided I'm going to finish it for good one day.

Or maybe not. I don't know.

I also think I hurt myself by staying on the computer for five hours straight. I don't go on my computer much anymore. And yet today I spent hours on my computer.

And now my legs hurt a lot. My head and stomach hurt just a little now though. They ache so easily now.

I'm not healthy lmao.

Oh and I forgot to add. In that dream, McDonald's was in the hotel basement. It wasn't a regular McDonald's.

I'm such a hypocrite. I have a fear of abandonment but only from a select few people. However, I still constantly ignore and not answer texts right away from the few people who still actively communicate with me.

Man, I suck.

I'm kinda scared to sleep because I'm scared I'll have another bad dream. Or that I'll wake up sick in the middle of the night. Ugh man that's so great.

And just like how it is when I think about my future, my mind is at a blank for what else to include in this post.

Phew, that's it for the posts on December 3rd.

Using three different signatures for three different posts on the same day is cool.

Bye.