tbh

Hi. I'm doing alright. Tired and kinda dizzy though.

Anyway. I just want to. Say some things.

Yeah sure ok.

I was laying on my bed. Doing nothing because that's what I do. Lazy bum. Then I got off the bed. I walked around. And I felt kinda dizzy.

Haha yeah, I'm tired. It's not even 11:30 yet and I'm tired. Wow.

Last night as I was putting my computer away, I took a glance at the side of my wrist. And I was like. What?? How did this happen?? Basically, the case of Cutepups getting mysterious scratches had returned. Quite a few this time. Such a mystery. Nah, I bet it was one of my cats when I wasn't paying enough attention.

I was walking around alone in school (because I'm a friendless loser lol) and I kept on thinking my name was Cutepets instead of Cutepups. It was weird.

I sound so quiet and innocent in public. And I know I do this. But I'm still like. Why you do this? Yeah.

Ahem.

I didn't even realize I changed a color to a light gray in the blog template. And I'm looking at what the blog looks like now. I really like how the gray and shades of blue look together. It looks so nice, wow. Reminds me of winter. The cold, the snow. Yeah. I think the colors look pretty. I am in love.

I really do like this new theme I put in last night. It looks so nice and peaceful. Looks positive too.

About positivity, I'm trying to keep this year's December posts the opposite of last year's. I mean I won't be able to blog as many days this year. But still. Hey, maybe that's why I've been making some 2+ posts a day so far this month. Anyway, I just want to prove myself that I've changed from last year.

Because honestly, looking back at last year's December posts, I don't really see much of a change from who I was then to who I am now. Like yeah, my posts are still pretty personal and just a mess. I still comment pretty awkwardly. And the comments others made from last year are still relevant to me today. So I'm wondering. What actually changed from 2015 to 2016?

Actually no, I can answer that. I lost a lot of the regular daily commenters from 2015. Blogging has gotten more lonely over this year. So that kinda means I'm not as stressed about getting comments this year as much as I was last year. I still am a little uncomfortable with comments, but I'm starting to not be anymore. For a while now, I've seen that every new comment I got on here ended up being a kind and positive comment. Which is definitely a change from last year with a good mix of positive and negative comments. And then that whole comment anxiety thing that happened. So yeah, things did change from last year. But at the same time, did they really?

I'm trying to keep that promise I made to myself. That I won't ever fall back and become as full of despair and negativity as much as I was in a lot of December 2015 posts. That was in the past. December 2016 can be better. An improvement compared to 2015.

Sometimes when you don't know what else to do, all you can do is be more positive instead of fueling all that negativity already inside you. More negativity isn't gonna solve anything. This year has been a disaster. What other way to say "screw 2016" then ending the year on a good note than letting 2016 win and see you reach your breaking point? Like no. 2016 might have been a nightmare of a year, but letting it get to us to our breaking points.. I'm sorry. No. That's not an option.

In other words, I feel like I might reach a new breaking point if I make all negative posts and no positive posts. So yeah, I'll be heading over to positivity. There's been way too much negativity already this year. Let's change things up. Be more happy. Fake it till you make it. Y'know?

I've learned more things this year. I know more things. I'm more aware of certain things that I didn't last year.

I don't decide to type up posts all the times I feel negative anymore. I do things more private than blogging and venting all about them now. I still get into a negative funk a lot, I just don't let it show as much as I used to.

So that's improvement. Dealing with things better. Still struggling with it all in the long run.

I'm half-asleep as I'm typing this. What I'm saying is probably a jumble of words that won't make sense to most other people.

Guess I'll be falling asleep to the sound of rain.

Good night. <3