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:-) :-( :-) :-(
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Ok I think that's enough space for now. So anyway.
I regret every post I make. This one too of course.
I feel like I'm gonna regret going back into "Twinkle's Story" and continued. I feel like it was a mistake for me to be interested in it again. I feel like I discontinued it for a reason that I now forgot.
But here's the thing. Writing it and going off about it is the only thing that I'm interested in that's something I do. Nothing makes me more interested than writing and thinking about it. At least something that I make myself.
I'm so bored with life. Life is sad and the same shiz just on a different day. Pretty meaningless. I don't deserve a break because sometimes I don't even do the bare minimum, but I want one so badly. Real life is just a bunch of stress. I want to be interested in something that's my own thing. I can't deal with all this talk about college and grades.
About the story, I think I'm improving when it comes to planning things out. I'm trying to make things not come as obviously. So not like how I originally planned things out.
It's still trash, don't get me wrong. I'm just trying to fix it and make it less of a disgusting piece of garbage.
I have a few plot twists in mind now, but I'm very hesitant on actually using them because I'm scared of feedback. Because, they're kinda messed up? I don't know, I'm stupid.
Fierdan's brother being used to create Soulless was a plot twist. I think? Eh, I tried.
Everything's so confusing. I love making myself suffer. Ha, ha.
Looking back at my older chapters and poems, I realize the words I wrote there come out to be so many metaphors. Like what they say relates to me. More than I realized.
And like Duke said, it's true for me as well. "I'm a freaking hypocrite."
I want to become better. I would like to have someone tell me ways to improve my writing and art. I want attention. I want comments.
But at them same time, I'm a scared wreck. I'm scared that reading comments will remind me why I quit story writing for around a year. I'm scared of getting hate. I'm such a coward. I want attention and comments, but I'm scared of actually getting that.
I'm such a bad person. Geez man. This fool.. incredible.
I ignore from publishing and/or reading comments. I like how certain people are commenting. But I'm too scared to face them.
And then when I calm myself down and actually read the comments to find out they're nice and people just wanting to try and help me, I feel stupid for thinking they're criticism and hate.
Sorry...
I also had an old friend go up to me at school today. I missed this friend a lot. But when we talked, I felt like going away and ignoring her. People never go up to me to talk to me during school. And the day this happens, I feel little interest and want to be left alone like literally every other school day.
I'm so bad at displaying my emotions. It's terrible. To other people, I bet I'm like a cold heartless person who doesn't talk.
I love fighting with myself. Ha, ha.
Oh, what else? Well, I'm a stupid person who never learns. Who always does the same disturbing stuff.
Not including what I mentioned already, I still make myself feel terrible and anxious on purpose. And I'm the only one to blame. Dang, this fool never learns.
Not procrastinating.. what a concept. Handing everything in on time.. what a concept. Not lying to adults.. what a concept.
Ha, ha, ha. Ha! I hate myself.
However, I still have some positive things to say. At least I think they are.
It was so warm out today, but there's this snowstorm supposedly coming. Which means I don't have school tomorrow. Which then means I don't have to take that test and work on that project tomorrow. And be confused in math.
I somehow got another 100+ percentage on a physics assessment.
I kinda think the side I'm on for the debate is easier to be on than the opposing side. Other people who have the same teacher are also just as frustrated and lost about the project as I am. That's comforting, ok.
I've been thinking of ways I can write out characters' emotions better. Just on certain scenes though. Not in general. I'm not that good yet. Or ever.
I also keep on forgetting to post about the cruise I was on. I'm so forgetful. I also never forget certain things. Usually bad things. So yeah everything's great.
I'm a human who's built on regrets. I regret too much. I regret my posts. I regret myself.
Sorry to anyone out there who feels burdened by having to deal with me and my posts.
Honestly, I was feeling worse earlier today. I'm in a slightly better mood now.
I guess that's good.
Sorry if it feels like I hate any of you, I really don't. I'm slow at reading and replying to comments due to my irrational fears. Yeah, sorry about that.
Bye.
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