thoughtsssss

And maybe some unpopular opinions.

I don't know. I've been in a bitter mood all day.

Meh. :/

~~~~~~~~~

The fourth of July.

Wow. More like just another day.

Doesn't feel that special to me anymore.

Not that excited by it anymore.

Fireworks. Amazing.

Everything is boring.

I am bad.

-X-

Nobody told me we were going to a boardwalk/beach today.

I would have worn something completely different then.

Like.. a bathing suit and sandals.

It's hot outside every day.

I wanted to swim or play in the water splash area thing but couldn't.

That's tragic lol nobody cares.

-X-

When I was a kid, summer was my favorite season.

The only reason summer was my favorite season is because there is no school during summer.

Now and for the past few years, I learned that summer is not my favorite season.

Especially now. This year, last year. Yep.

I don't like summer that much anymore.

The only reason I like summer now is because school isn't in session during the summer months.

Summer means chronic boredom and laziness.

Summer depression.

Summertime sadness.

(Shut up, Cutepups.)

-X-

I hate the heat.

I hate hot weather.

It's getting hotter every year.

One of my top reasons why I don't like summer as much.

-X-

I used to always prefer being deaf over being blind.

But then I realized something.

Deaf people can't listen to music. They can feel the beat I guess, but they can't actually hear it.

Right?

This isn't going anywhere lol.

Listening to songs is one of the top things on my list of what's good in life which makes life worth living for.

Without music, I'd be far worse. Like that's a fact.

But blind people can't see art (paintings) and the sky.

Those things are also at the top of my list for what's good in life which makes life worth living.

Deaf. Blind. Why am I thinking this? I have no flipping clue.

-X-

The reason for the list?

Well. My dudes. My people.

Listen.

I hate.

Hate.

I.

Don't like the idea of.

Prefer not to.

Exist.

Be alive.

Be a human being.

I don't like this whole life concept thing.

It doesn't really fit me.

There's been an error in the system.

I'm not meant to be here this long.

I'm not supposed to grow up.

I need reasons.

To remind me.

That life is worth it.

That there are good things in life despite life being sh*t.

Okay.

:-)

-X-

Honestly, here's the thing with me and beaches.

I'll never willingly just go to a beach to only lay down on the sun and get a tan.

Nope, that's not me.

I hate the heat. The sun rays. I hate it.

I hate feeling the sun on my body except when I'm cold.

I don't really like the idea of getting sunburned either. Or getting a tan.

I'm a girl not obsessed with getting a tan. Omg what a cryptid I must be!

(I only refer to myself as a cryptid because I find myself disconnected and unable to relate with lots of people.)

If I'm at a beach, I'll be the one who goes near the ocean right away.

Water is nice. A good friend.

The sun is mean.

Cutepups is a cryptid vampire ghost. Confirmed.

-X-

I don't like wearing a bikini.

You know. Those bathing suits.

Mainly young women wear them.

Yeah. Those things.

No thanks. I'd rather not.

I don't care if I supposedly "have a good body type for it."

Whatever the heck that means.

Me and bikini don't match well.

-X-

Whenever I see a group of teenage girls in public, I can't help but feel disconnected.

I feel so disconnected from groups of teenage girls.

By that, I mean those who hang out by the ice cream shop or walk on the beach or boardwalk.

I just can't relate lol.

Can't relate to other girls.

Girls considered "normal" by my mom.

Yeah ugh.

Thanks, mom. :))

-X-

So I'm female.

Right.

Right?

That'll be easy. Effortless.

Cutepups is only overthinking.

Cutepups is only on tumblr and deviantart too much.

That's it.

Right.

Right?

But like I think I might possibly have this thing.

This thing.

Called.

Dysphoria.

Oops lmao.

Kill me now.

-X-

I hate my voice.

Wish I could change it.

The only good thing about my voice is that I can sound very much like a cat.

I meow pretty well.

Cutepups is a better cat than a human. Confirmed.

-X-

Female. Cis.

Correct. Correct.

Wrong. Wrong.

I.

I.

I.

I.

I.

I.

I.

I.

I.

I.

Don't know.

Anything.

Anymore.

Just a copycat.

"Copy that, copycat."

"I'll become what you like."

"I will teach myself to let go."

Then why do I feel so disconnected from them?

-X-

I've been too much stereotypically feminine anyways.

I'll always be a girl.

That's what I am.

I know. I know.

I don't know.

-X-

"I've been thinking too much. Help me."

Please.

-X-

My nose feels itchy and congested again.

Way to go, stupid body.

I hate this body.

Is this me?

Whom is she?

-X-

By the way.

I.

Hate.

Bras and boobs.

Having those.

Unfortunate.

Never was a fan.

Prefer not to.

Thinking too much of these things makes my chest hurt.

Cutepups is a wimp. Confirmed.

-X-

Anyone out there?

Any reason why I should still believe?

-X-

I constantly feel trapped.

I can't escape.

Trapped.

Can't escape.

-X-

Sorry for posting this.

Especially the gender rant ones.

I feel like I might.

Explode.

If I never post something about these thoughts.

I can't deal with anything.

Life sure is testing my limits.

I am a bitter soul.

-X-

The end.