hey so some things

Alright, here goes nothing. Have another post I guess.

Well for one, I'm not as tired nor taking as many naps throughout the day. Yeah heh nobody cares.

Saw a lot of family this week. Hectic, you could say. Yeah wow. It'll be okay though. 

Tomorrow is the solar eclipse. That's exciting. I have no plans involving the eclipse though. Meh.

Oh and I had this dream where I was creating a blog post on here (my iPad) but the text was in my handwriting. Basically, I was handwriting my long posts. Yeah lol what a nerd I am. I think about blogging way too much. Because I'm a loser and hate myself.

Wait what...

Yes. :-)

It's already the 20th. Dang, time is passing by quickly. That's scary in a way.

Want me to be honest? Ok sure.

I haven't been posting as often anymore because I don't see the point anymore. Blogging isn't that fun anymore. I'm just clicking publish to the void. Most comments I still get are spam ones on my Fire Hair post. It gets lonely; I feel lonely. When I get my hopes up that someone else is interested in my posts, it ends up being a spambot. Who am I posting to? What am I posting for? 

What do I have to post about on a daily basis? I have close to nothing. I hate posting about my daily life and personal stuff. Nearly all my personal stuff is boring and sad. I'm boring and sad.

I don't have much energy to keep this motivation game up.

I don't like being alive and being forced to think about my future and grownup things every single damn day. I hate that this is life.

I hate the state that the world is in right now. It's definitely a mad world. Life is cruel, and happiness is an illusion that only children truly believe.

Now when I look at people older than me, I see no genuine happiness. Their happiness is fake. I know better now. They pretend happiness to remain sane. That's life I guess.

I really think that certain family members are making me feel worse about myself on purpose. I hate living like this. 

Ugh...

I said I would write more poems this year. Yeah right. Haha sure. What a lie.

Lmao why am I even alive? 

Fiction. 

Unfortunately, reality and fiction don't really mix.

I really don't know how I'll live without fiction. My story and other fictional things. I really don't know.

Will life ever get better? Hearing the current news makes me think otherwise. 

I'm losing motivation because I'm tired of trying to see a point that I can't even see. Nor ever had.

That's the real tea.