huh days..,

I just remembered something I could post about for no reason. Ha, ha.. ok then, Cutepups.

So.. uh.. updates? I guess? Yeah?

-x-x-

For some reason, I think I made a post in early December 2014 about my family leasing a new car. 

Well, time sure has passed since then. Haha, no kidding.

At the end of this month, we have to take back that car. Which means we won't have it in a month.

Oh darn, I liked that car a lot. We all did. 

-x-x-

It's almost been a year. Since.. it happened.

It's so different without him here. 

Nowadays, I worry about my mom's side of the family a lot.

To put it vaguely, it's: health problems, frequent hospital visits, so much change, the anniversary of the it is coming up which would bring more anguish and feelings of hopelessness... uh yeah, that.

The family used to be so happy. Now it's nothing but stress and sadness. 

I.. I don't know why I'm typing this. No one cares about this kind of stuff anyways. Not like I blame you. I'm self-absorbed. Yeah, sorry.

As long as I'm home thinking of my mom, Valentine's Day won't be the same. There will always be that painful feeling because of the day before.

Gosh, I'm so empathetic. Ugh.

-x-x-

Umm.. the end of a post I made a few days ago? (end of another sunday) 

I was referring to therapy. Yeah, I feel like that was easy to guess. So yeah. Therapy. That thing.

I think my family and I are gonna visit that person's house this weekend. The person who I talked to about it. Well, she was the one who brought it up.

Ugh, I bet she's gonna be upset at me for not calling her back. 

(I'm so sorry for disappointing you...)

I hate being so scared of admitting the truth of my feelings/thoughts to other people. Like.. my parents. Haha, oh man.

For like.. my (social) anxiety. That's the most obvious thing they've picked up about me. So.. well.. that's it really. Regarding me talking to my family vaguely about therapy. 

Yeah.. heck.

 

Of course, I didn't talk about other stuff. 

(But that's depressing, Cutepups.)

Yeah.

Apparently, one of my family members knows someone. That I might be able to go to. 

But.. I don't know, I'm sorry for being like this. 

(I hate being so scared. I'm sorry.)

-x-x-

I want to write some bad sad poetry, but it's almost midnight. 

School's tomorrow.

At least it'll be Friday.

-x-x-

No one but me can actually notice how hard I've been trying to be more positive so far this year.

But with what's happening in life, it's hard to not give in to the sadness and fear.

I'm really trying. I am.

(I tried. Now I'm tired.)

Bye.