ahh gotta love them

Why love? Because it's Valentine's Day. Love who? My characters, of course (pfft). ;D 

I really want to make a post where I ramble about Twinkle and Duke. My heart is full of love for them. 

I just.. gahhhh --

ahhhhhhhhh. 

(calm down, weird blogger person.) 

Instead of working on my essays I have due soon, I spent the last few hours adding songs to my Twinkle music playlist. I added many songs. I'm getting attached to her playlist. I might even like it as much as I like the Duke and Fierdan playlist. 

These songs? Are just? So good? I feel blessed? 

(Oh heck yeah, they are. I sure am blessed that songs like these exist.) 

I am story trash. If I'm not thinking of concentrating in my classes and doing the assignments I have to do, or if I'm not paying for food, then there's a high chance I'm thinking of my story ideas and characters. I might be obsessed. Haha, ahaha, ha ahh. 

Oh, I want to copy and paste what I put in the last post to here. Because I want to emphasize the point I made and make sure you people read it. 

-x-x-

I write their names as Duke and Twinkle (well yeah, obviously). But I don't really refer to them by those names in my head. Duke and Twinkle are just nicknames they have. They aren't their "real" or "true" names. 

It's funny. I haven't even come up with Duke's full name (no, it's not Duke Fierdan), but I read "Duke" as being a quick way to write his actual name. 

I titled the playlist "DUKE + Fierdan" because Duke is supposed to be an abbreviation of 4 words (a 4 word name). 

No one knows his "true" name. Not even me.

Fierdan does though, but he never told me. He's very secretive. He won't tell me the stuff he knows. :( 

(Ok so maybe not "no one" because Fierdan knows. lol)

And as for Twinkle, I think of Stella whenever I write Twinkle down. Stella.. that's her name. Ok lol wow so confusing huh. 

But I'll continue to call them Duke and Twinkle in my posts. 

-x-x-

Ok so yeah. I'm weird like that. I've been thinking of the name, Stella, when I write down Twinkle for a while now. I've also been thinking of other names for Duke when I write down "Duke", but I actually do not know what those other names for Duke are. I type and write "Duke" yeah, but I don't think of "Duke" equaling Duke in my mind. It's like, idk, his name is Duke.. but at the same time, it really isn't. It's kind of.. very.. far away from being Duke. 

Maybe it's because of the connotation the word, duke, has. There's really only duke being a pet (dog) name or a royalty label. Well, at least when it comes to using it as a noun. And like.. well, my character isn't really those things. (not sure if I should've put "connotation" uh-) 

I know that Duke can be a male name (yes, human lol), but I don't really see "Duke" as being my character's name. He's called Duke, yes, and he's been called that his entire life, yes.. but it's not his "true" name. 

This must be hard to comprehend, I know. Haha.. yeah. 

Honestly, the meaning behind Duke (as in my character's name) is so deep and symbolic. I'm kinda proud of myself. 

Fierdan (another character that I created, wow ikr) is the reason Duke is called/named Duke. Duke is a far easier thing to say than D.U.K.E. or what those letters stand for. Plus, you can just say "Duke"; it is a name after all. 

And, through Fierdan, the other types of "duke" can be used. If Fierdan is (or metaphorically is) a "king", he views Duke as being lesser than him (he's not worthy enough to be next in line for the throne- a "prince"). Duke is a "duke"- not a "king" nor a "prince"- a "duke". 

Unlike in my skits, story Fierdan generally looks down on Duke. Fierdan sees Duke as lesser. Their character dynamic never was, and never will be, healthy. They have lots of problems (with each other). They aren't friends. They are friends in the skits, yes, but they sure are not in the story. 

Fierdan doesn't view Duke as being equal to him. Duke isn't another human to him; he is more like a pet. ("Good boy, Duke! Who's a good boy?"). Fierdan controls nearly every aspect of Duke's life and is the main reason he is the way he is. Fierdan made Duke. I wrote in a chapter that Fierdan casually referred to Duke as his toy. That's right- toy, not even pet. 

Is story Fierdan an asshole? Yes. He's.. he's not good. He's full of problematic shit. He pushes the blame away from himself. He allows Duke to be held hostage by Taurel for as long as he is. He doesn't help him out with escaping from that hellhole. Fierdan really doesn't give a shit about Duke. He really just wants Duke to die his violent death. 

... anyway, that brings me to the next point I want to make about Duke. It's unrelated to that mess I just typed up. Violence warning. 

Ok so. Duke. This boy. 

Shit man.. he becomes real fucking scary. He's terrifying. 

Compare to Fierdan at his bloodiest (not including his flashbacks, I mean him actually at his bloodiest after committing murder) to Duke at his most powerful (lol yeah).. Duke would destroy Fierdan. Duke in his most demonic/sadistic state could kill Fierdan the equivalent of a few times just in one attempt. 

Demonic Duke is the result of Risak "killing" the rest of any humanity or connection to humanity Duke had. At that point, Duke is only still "alive" because of Soulless. Duke then is something inhuman in a human-looking body. 

Duke doesn't become a traditional demon though. He's not exactly that. 

He doesn't really become something I can only label as sadistic until several days later. In the torture arc, Duke is full of grief. He's helpless. He becomes depressed (and all those awful physical and psychological feelings that go along with it). He even begs for death a few times. Oh and like, Duke is even more traumatized at that point because he feels like he could've/should've stopped Ardere from getting shot (he actually couldn't). Duke is full of guilt and shame. He believes he was the one who killed Ardere, or he believes he's the reason Ardere died. But at the same time, he knows he didn't kill him. He rightfully blames Risak and Taurel, but he also blames himself on an internal level. Like ok, Duke really hates himself. Sure, he is cocky and it can look like he has a massive ego.. but, well, he's incredibly good at pretending "everything's okay." Duke actually has a wreck of a mental state who is addicted to destroying himself through self-destructive behavior. 

Then there are the switches that click off in his head. First when Risak stops shooting bullets from a gun at him. And well, uh.. Duke basically ends up burning that entire room up in black flames, Risak can't escape without coming in contact with the deadly fire, and (oh boy,,) Duke forces Risak to be burned alive. And unlike the times when Fierdan was using his black fire, Duke covers an entire room with it. That's a whole lot of fire. The next switch is several days into Duke's torture by Taurel. 

By that point, Duke is far from human. His physical body is in ruins. He's cut up, he's half-blind, his ears are torn up, he suffered a significant amount of blood loss, he has a few broken bones, his head was recently shaved.. so yeah, just go on and try to imagine Duke looking like that. It's definitely not a pretty sight. 

And no. Duke can't fully recover from that. When he loses his humanity, he loses it. He can't gain it back. His humanity died. His body can't just heal from all that physical trauma. It's pretty much the equivalent of bringing a dead body back to life. You can't. 

Duke dies. Even if Fierdan doesn't kill him, Duke probably would not live that much longer. He would die soon either way. Duke becomes the source of corruption. That's kind of like his true identity. To be corrupt, to corrupt. 

In a sick way, Fierdan killing Duke is a good thing for Duke because it brought him out of his misery. And Duke was full of misery. Even if Duke no longer wanted to die, he couldn't just decide by that point that he wasn't going to die. He was mostly dead by that point, anyways. 

So, Demonic Duke. That boy is a savage. He's a sadist. He's much more violent than Fierdan. 

I'll just say it. What I'll say might be considered disturbing. For body horror. Much worse than the torture he endured. 

Ok so. Well. Umm. ...................... 

There comes a time when Duke nearly kills Taurel. No, he doesn't use black fire.. but what he does/wants to do to Taurel is worse than that. 

Duke attacks Taurel. He does (well, of course he does). Duke is more like a beast than a human (nevermind a teenager). And so, he attacks like one. 

Duke gets his hands on something (idk what yet) and cuts Taurel like how he was forcibly cut. Taurel cut Duke and made him bleed. Duke does the same to Taurel. But unlike Taurel, he doesn't give a shit about stopping. Taurel would've stopped or at least took a break much earlier than when Duke stops cutting multiple areas of Taurel's body. 

He then uses something else to stab Taurel. Duke tries to tear out his torturer's eyes. 

Got that image in your mind? Yes? No, not really? Eh, that's fine. 

After that, Duke wants to.. he wants to.. bite. He wants to break Taurel's bones and tear off his skin.. with his teeth, with his mouth. 

I'm not sure if he even has the capability of biting off flesh (and yes, consuming it), but he wants to. And oh does he try. 

Cannibalistic tendencies. Oh damn. What the fuck?!  

Yeah. :') 

But someone finds a way to break in and "rescue" Duke before he can eat any chunks of human flesh (though he might have broken some of Taurel's bones already). 

And who is that (special) someone? That would be my lovely J man. He breaks in to "save" Duke before any of the others. That is when they first meet each other. 

And much, much later, they end up in a loving relationship. They become boyfriends, and it's beautiful. 

Lately, I've been seeing story 2+ Danny/Fierdan as looking like story 1 Fierdan's physical body but with his soul being more like story 1 Duke's. Post-Fierdan acts a lot like Duke.. but older. 

So in a way, Duke also ends up falling in love with J. And J breaking in and letting Duke escape from his torture chamber is the first thing that starts that ball rolling. 

I don't even know how J does it. He somehow is able to shock full-on Demonic Duke enough to stop him from becoming a, well, cannibal. J should be a lot more terrified upon seeing Duke in that state, but he isn't. Or at least he doesn't let his fear show. 

Instead, he gives Duke clothes such as a hoodie to cover up his shirt and just his body in general. 

Fuck,,, my J man character,, aaaaahhhhhhhh ;o; hhhh!!! 

Damn son. That's true love right there. 

---------------

Oh yikes, it's late. 

I only have my evening class today though. 

Oh shit. My essays--!

Fuck. 

Anyway, I love Duke! What a lovely image of him I put into your minds! XD 

(omg damn it, Duke! :/)

>:-) 

Bye!