I realized that I've been procrastinating on actually posting some of my post ideas I've had for quite a while.
It's after midnight in Cutepups time zone. Do you know what that means? It means long blog post time! (yeet!!)
Please read. If you read this whole long post, then I'll love you (my blog viewer friend).
Warning for violence, character death, and explicit language. Not in the beginning though. (... heh.)
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This is one of my points not related to my skit or story writing.
Ok so lol.
The other day, I went with my parents to visit my grandma at the rehab center. We did that pretty often, but we visited her later in the day than usual.
(She currently just lives there. Ok.)
So this time when we were all talking, one of the things she said was something like "*my name* likes drawing" or something else related to me and drawing.
And ok can I just say? That kinda brightened my day. Like?? She remembers that I drew a lot as a kid??
(Aaaahhhhh ;~; <3 !!!)
Then she asked if I still draw, and I was like "yeah, I sometimes do. in my free time." and yeah ahh.
(I'm saying "was like" because I forgot the exact wording/phrasing. oh no, my memory is awful. plot twist @ the fam: it's actually me with the memory issues. anyway, I am a void of a human being.)
See guys? I'm an artist. I draw.. stuff. Yes. :•)
-x-x-
Oh shoot, I remember another thing not related to my characters. Yay!
Ok so.. hey ;) do ;) you ;) know ;) what ;) time ;) it ;) is?
It's.. it's......
It's Aromantic (Spec) Awareness Week!!!
(YEET!!)
I would (could) be at my most powerful, but college is bringing me down. I have to go back and do academic work there? Ugh, what is this? Life responsibilities? *smh*
Anyway, I'm aro. I identify as an aro fool. Aromantic and Fool are two of my identities. I identify as such.
(yeah yeah. I know it's ironic that I keep on thinking about the romantic aspects of my story and that there even is romance in it at all, considering I don't know what romantic attraction and relationships are like personally.. but hey, I am a fool after all. I might not want to be involved in this thing called romance, but that doesn't mean I can't try to write romance in my cursed story writing. the same can be said about sex. Fictional and personal are different things. Yes.)
Sometimes, I try to deny it. And what does that do? It only comes back around like, " nah fool, you're aro!" and that's just how it is.
But man.. my cursed brain loves soaking in all those steamy spicy -fiery- details ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) about my (and only my) characters.
A Romantic aro, if you will. Hey, the Romantic art period.. that's good. Romanticism. Is that what it's called?
Anyway, it's AAW! Wahoo! (hell yeah!!)
-x-x-
I don't think you guys know how much I desperately want to write and finish writing the next story chapter. I have even more ideas for Chapter 76 now.
If I don't write it soon, I might as well explode. :-)
But do I actually have time to? No! I don't!
(Thanks, @ college and life responsibilities.)
When I come back to college later today, I'll have to worry about the essays I'll have to write, the tests I'll have to take, and the comic about existence I'll have to make during the week.
I have to create a comic about existence. :'(
((fuck..))
*goes into another existential crisis*
((Fuck!!))
-x-x-
Ok lol now onto my characters. First thing first- the next skit story!
I plan on making the next one be about Duke's progress at The Help. Sure, he and Fierdan were in a different reality or something the last time I wrote skits with them at Help, but Duke is continuing on with his Help journey anyways because I said so.
Like idk.. Ryen can pick up Duke and Fierdan from their Help sessions. idk. Ryen is there now. He's a guy who exists.
Duke and recovery is such a foreign concept to me. I don't know if I'm able to make Duke *gasp* go on the road to recovery? Duke and happiness? Excuse me- what?! What the heck?! Aaahhh!!!!
I just want to write one skit story where he's all chill (and not dead) and okay. Duke deserves to be okay. He needs a break from all the plans I have involving him.
Haha, I think when I'm not writing or in the middle of writing a skit story, all of my characters in the skits are relaxing. That includes Duke and Fierdan. I like to think that they're only dramatic assholes when I write the skits. And when I'm not, they're.. they've calmed down. They're doing okay. They're just chilling and functioning the best they can.
This was so random, but I got a thought the other day. (omg no way!)
I was just staring blankly at the bathroom mirror, and thought that if Duke wasn't a traumatized impulsive fiery disaster, that he.. he...
(hehe XD)
That he would be a comedian.
(oh god why)
You know what? If Duke's life wasn't like That, he could totally be a comedian. I can see him doing standup comedy in some dimension out there somewhere.
Have you seen those old skits? Duke is hilarious. :'D
@ Duke: If you didn't turn into the physical human form of corruption and die, then you could've become a great comedian. You could be an amazing rock singer and writer, and you could also be a comedian in any spare time you didn't spend writing and singing your own songs.
Pfft. :/ lmao.
Yes, Duke becomes the physical human form of corruption.
Damn it, Duke. Why are you like this? Being a corrupt monster isn't very nice. :(
-x-x-
Demonic Duke is terrifying. He's a scary boy, that fella.
I still have to work out a ton of things, but Duke at that part of the story is crazy strong and crazy smart and just, well, crazy. He's a crazy fella, that Duke.
I'm a fool so it's hard for me, but I think of Duke being very, very clever during and especially towards the end of his torture arc. He's scary smart.
He'll outwit me, he'll outwit you, he'll out everyone's wits.
*cough* Taurel. *cough*
I recently thought of this Duke quote that I like and might use:
"You were so close ... but your plan is flawed."
(There are more words in the ellipsis, but I don't know what they are yet.)
I can hear Duke's voice at the end of the torture arc, and it haunts me. That boy does not sound human. Just his voice alone is scary.
He sounds like a carnivorous predator. Because he is one. Ha, ha... whatthefuck.
One vivid picture I have at the end of the torture arc is bloody-faced Duke. There's blood dripping out of his mouth, and it goes down to his chin and the front of his neck. His lips are stained red. He has an evil grin on his face. When he opens his mouth, more blood pours out and some of his teeth are stained red. Whose blood is it? It's both Taurel's and his own. And he has such a cold glare in his eyes. It looks deadly. If you see someone with that look in their eyes, you better run. And on top of that, one of his eyes is a black void that he can't see out of. Even that eye has that deadly glare. His eyes look freezing cold, but his irises (or, well, iris) look (looks) like fire. Just looking at his eyes could mess someone up.
Duke is a fucking badass. (mm boi)
I can also hear his manic laughter, and it makes me feel fear. Be afraid, folks. Be very afraid.
Hearing him laugh at the end of the torture arc also brings me close to tears. It's just so sad, you guys. Everything is so sad. Everything about Duke is sad, and I could cry about this and this alone.
... that's what he gets for being the puppet of melancholy.
Huh? What?
Yeah.
-x-x-
A lot of the songs in the two character themed music playlists I have up are about spoilers. The songs are about scenes I didn't officially write yet.
I have plenty that remind me of the wonderful time that Duke and Taurel spend together. :')
Such as "Run" by AWOLNATION and "Can You See The Red" by Dead by April. :^)
*cough, cough*
About the songs in the playlists now: (well.. kind of)
I put "People Like Us" by Kelly Clarkson as one of the first songs in the playlists because I think it was the first song that reminded me of Duke and Twinkle. The first song that connected them.
Just because I have a song in both playlists doesn't mean it's about them together. Not all of the songs are DukeXTwinkle songs. It's just that some songs remind me of both of them- but in different ways under different circumstances.
And like.. some of the songs remind me of Fierdan/Post-Fierdan a lot more than Duke. For example, the IAMX songs I put in the playlist.
Oh, oh! "No Place Like You" by Thousand Below reminds me of Danny/Fierdan and J in stories 2 and 3, and it makes me very emotional. This song reminds me more of Fierdan's relationship than Duke's with Twinkle's. And if I were to connect it to Duke, it would be about him and Finny.
Geez, this song just really reminds me of Fierdan. I can kinda imagine him singing it when he's all alone and thinking he's singing it to J when he's obviously not there. Fierdan definitely has J on his mind. I think of it being after they separated (broke up) but at the same time, after they came back together (relationship-wise).
I seriously can't decide on what J's real name is. I think that he could have the alias of "Jack" but I can't see it as being his real name/the name he uses personally. Like when he and Fierdan are spending nights in a room by themselves, I just can't see Fierdan calling him "Jack" because that isn't personal enough. And oh do they get personal. They become very close, that's for sure.
Why "Jack" you might be asking? Well, it's because...
Jack --> jack --> joker --> the fact that he has the power to create illusions (and is like the only one who is lighthearted and cheerful enough to crack a joke now and then) like Fierdan has the power to create fire.
I don't think Jack is his real name though. At one point, I considered it being Jaxin but I don't like it anymore.
J and his jinxes and jacks. (In story 1, one of the names he goes by is Jinx. The other is Jax.)
Holy shit, I love him.
Fun fact: I originally planned on making J (story 2) and Jinx/Jax (story 1) two completely different characters. And I first intended on making Jinx/Jax evil and enemies of the protagonists (aka Twinkle, Duke, Dawn, Ardere, etc.). Now that idea is so foreign to me. Jinx/Jax are not evil at all. They're so good. J is epic, ok.
J gives Duke hope that he can escape that torture hellhole he's been trapped in for around a week. J brings some humanity and rationality back to Duke. Like idk, "hey, instead of doing whatever the fuck you are doing to Taurel, let's leave this place together." And then Duke breaks out of his sadistic state and is just like, "oh.. yeah."
Then after that happens, J helps Duke calm down and get cleaned up. Duke doesn't know who J is, so he feels no hatred for him. He just feels neutral towards him. He only attacks Risak and Taurel because he has a very strong and deep hatred for them. Duke hates those two to his core. He simply can't hate J as much as he hates them.
When J comes into the scene, Duke is in a haze for the most part. It's kind of like Duke being drunk, but he's not.
(Wow, this went far away from being about music, huh.)
Well, back to that. Creating the playlist made me realize something. (lol)
I could totally imagine Duke and Fierdan listening to a lot of Bring Me The Horizon and Dead by April. Geez, I have plenty of songs by those two in their themed playlist.
Haha.. oh yes. Yes. :)
Back to talking about J and Duke. (lol)
J could have been like, "hell no, I'm not saving this fucked up boy! not today, satan!" and run out of that place before Duke could notice him. If J didn't speak up, I don't think Duke would've even noticed that J was there. J could've left, but he didn't. He wanted Duke (a very fucked up Duke, I have to say) to notice him. Damn, that's brave.
Ok so maybe I'm so sad about Duke during this part of the story because from then to the end of the story, Duke really only has two emotions. He is only capable of feeling anger and apathy.
Ok, maybe one emotion. And that emotion is anger. Or, in other words, rage or fury.
Does Duke ever feel joy or happiness again? No. Does he feel sadness? No. He only feels anger or rage.. or nothing at all.
If he's not snapping at people or yelling, he's probably deep in that apathy.
Ok, maybe it's not exactly apathy. In other words, it would be (emotional) emptiness or numbness. Eh whatever, that reminds me of apathy. Good enough.
So no lol. Duke doesn't remain a vicious monster out for blood and breaking his and other people's bodies. :'D,,
... uhhhhhh--
When Finny dies, Duke doesn't exactly feel sadness. He just feels.. nothing. Duke is too broken to properly feel anything. Emotionally and physically too. But that doesn't mean that Finny's death doesn't break Duke even further. Because it sure does.
And by that point, Duke can't even feel anger anymore. If he had any functioning emotions left, he would be violently sobbing and screaming when he finds out that Finny died. But Duke doesn't; he just can't. He's not intentionally being an asshole; he literally can not feel any human emotion. Because guess what? He's not human anymore. He's more like a dying vessel that's only kept together because of a demon (aka Soulless).
But, but! Just because I could be breaking my heart over Duke, it doesn't mean I'm not mad at him. Because like.. he frustrates me. Even after the torture arc, he's an asshole. He snaps and yells at the others (Twinkle, Dawn, Fierdan). He isn't that nice. He says rude things. Duke causes drama and is the result of it.
Petty anger over no one he knew breaking in and helping him escape from a very secure and locked place where he was kept hostage.. yeah, that's a lot less severe than the full-on rage he felt coursing through his body when he wanted to destroy Taurel.
Oh and even if Duke didn't literally lose his humanity, then he also could not show obvious sadness because he's severely traumatized. The last time he was emotional over a friend's death, it resulted in him being taken hostage and tortured for around a week. Yeah uh.. I don't think Duke wants that to happen again. If Duke shows emotions, he might think that could happen to him again.
;-; </3 ouch,,
Dang, it's getting late. I could write about more things, but I feel like I better end this post now.
If you read everything I said, congratulations. :)
Until next time on my cursed blog...
~ Cutepups
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