sorry bro (related to teo)

Sorry for posting pretty late. I got caught up with tumblr.. ahem.. yes. I'm also leaving for vacation tomorrow.. so ye.. nice. 

What the heck, I don't even like the title name "TEO" anymore. But I have no other better suggestions, so TEO it is. I pronounce it both as Tee-oh, and as T.E.O. .. like how indecisive can one person (me) be? 

My poems are so emo. Pfft.. 

I posted a selfie from about a year ago. Haha. My hair is shorter now. Now my "friend" (friend? hmm.. idk) and I have similar hair styles. 

How the hell did I binge post on here last year? I barely even go on here anymore. Except when I'm in school when I can. Because school is mean and blocks those other sites you may or may not know me on (like deviantart and tumblr). So, to avoid staring at other people as they discuss their lives, and me being unsocial, anxious, and awkward, I get out my iPad and go on Blogger. Haha, what is communication with me. Seriously. 

Oh yeah! Over the duration of a few school days, I, like always, was bored. So I drew a drawing. At first, I was all like, "hey I feel like drawing a random cartoon boy". But then the TEO feels attacked my brain and were all like, "hey you should make that boy be Danny's brother when he was a child". .. actually, let me turn this into skit mode. 

Me: Why.

Brain: Why not. You're already obsessed with Danny as it is, so turn it into his brother.

Me: What, that makes no sense, but okay sure pal.

Brain: Good, good.

Me: There, I drew him. Happy now?

Brain: No, no! You gotta make him cry.

Me: Why do you always want me to make all the main male characters cry when I draw them?

Brain: Because it's like an "eff you" to society and gender roles that say boys and men can't cry because they have to be buff and strong, but you're making your male characters cry because they have emotions and feel pain and --

Me: Nice.

Brain: Nice.

Brain: Actually, you should draw him in a shadow.

Me: Okay sure.

Brain: Also you should add in the two people who he thought died because his father caused the death of them.. but draw them very sketchy and glitched. 

Me: No, stop it you.

Brain: You get to draw an effed up child Danny.

Me: You got me there. Okay, I'll draw the two of them on either side of him.

Brain: Nice work there, buddy.

Brain: You know what you should add to it? 

Me: What.

Brain: Flecks of blood.

Me: Okay, another gore TEO drawing it is.

Brain: What, no! You haven't went out to actually draw the bloody scenes yet. 

Me: You got me there, buddy. 

Brain: Now finish it by making up a very emo quote that his brother would say. 

Me: Why.

Brain: You're an emo(tional) writer. Now write something in the black shadow blob! 

Me: Whoa, calm down there buddy, okay. 

Brain: Nice, nice. Now clean it up because everything you put effort in and like at least a little bit has to be neat and perfect or else you will be displeased with it.

Me: Pfft okay whatever.

.. and that's totally what happened. 

This is the drawing. Lol look at it. Why do I do the things I do. Why, bruh, why.

Bro.. *sniffs* 

*slowly raises hand in peace sign* Peace. 

~ Cutepups 

*internally screams* 

.

hi

Spring break. No school. Probably going to be on less during this week. Oh wait, already not on here that much. Going to be away. Do me a favor and just ignore those past few posts. Going to draw and write more during this week too. Such emo. That was a lie. Why.

 I was bored. I doodled this. Lol ok. 

i will be productive one day. 

twenty øne piløts ... yes yes yes. 

another post coming later.

: )

oops that's an error

FYI: I feel kinda better now. Today isn't that suckish of a day.

There's light after every storm.. right? Everything can become okay over time.. right? Letting the words do the talking is okay.. right? It's okay to have difficulties noticing the positives in life.. right? Intentionally avoiding those new unread messages people send is okay because you imagine the worst they can say.. right? Hating yourself for explaining yourself wrong is okay.. right? Hating yourself for ruining it even though you promised them you would stop being so negative because it's killing you inside is okay.. right? Knowing from the very start that saying it would be a bad idea is okay.. right? Only brought it up because it's really close to my personality and everything about is bothering me, that's okay.. right? Scared and trapped is okay.. right? Right?!

No..

I can't ever explain correctly. I ruin everything of this subject matter. Words keep tumbling out wrong. I failed you; I failed me.

I intentionally avoid what comments say. A few hours later, I publish them. I'm scared of them; I love them. I'm such an insecure and emotional mess. Don't mind me, I'm not worth it. Because I said it all wrong. Just like I always do. Personality, disorder.. I bet it's just my stupid personality and everything else that makes up me. Internally, at least. It still fathoms me why I even care so much to post this negative personal stuff. It makes me feel worse afterward than making me feel better. But I can't get myself to stop. I know you must be so annoyed and angry at me now. I'm sorry. And if you tell me you're not, then I'll only just think to myself that you're lying to me in an attempt to make me feel better.

I never posted this saying I had it. I'm just saying it relates closely to how I do and don't do things. Something about it resignated with me. It's hard to put into words. I'm never degrading what those things are. Because they're real things that shouldn't be romanticized and joked about. I know that. It annoys me when I overhear people talking lightly about such sensitive topics.

I always feel so bad when I post stuff that's about it because I fear that someone reading would say or think "ugh she's desensitizing those mental disorders/illnesses like it's a fad or something :/". I'm really, honestly not. The ones I typed about in my personal posts.. I only bring them up because I relate closely to some to most of the symptoms it lists. I wouldn't post and say I relate to having minor ___(moderate or high)__________ for a thing I don't relate to and internally feel. Like for schizophrenia. I won't ever lie to you and say I have it. Because I definitely do not.

But for the ones I mentioned (specific type/s of anxiety and depression and the ones I listed in the last post).. I'm know I'm not certainly sure I have them, but I'm also not certainly sure I don't have them. And there's also the factor that it's just my brain being screwed up over hormones.. though I feel I'm lacking some.. or maybe that's just my "a"-orientations. So I really don't know anything. Oh and no, believe me, I'd rather not have any of them, but due to all I read about them, I've become suspicious and, yes honestly, curious.

And when I say I read about them, I don't mean just one Google result, first thing that comes up. I research it and go to several sites that talk about it. That explain what that thing is as well as how it's like to live with that thing. And then I take the quizzes on the psych websites. I know what it says is unofficial and I don't ever fully believe the results they give me. But reading about it more gives me a better understanding of it. With how things are right now, I can't do anything more than just searching it and finding information about it online.

Because it freaks me out a little how I do, or think, things that are said to be signs/symptoms of said illness/disorder. And now knowing that makes me feel all the more unsure of myself. And.. unhappy.

So.. who knows. Maybe it's me just being too weak and sensitive for this harsh world. Maybe I really was just a manipulative liar from the very start. Maybe I really should leave you alone. Maybe that overly cool and happy person I was when I created this blog died and can't ever come back now.

No, I'm not unhappy right now. I don't currently feel awful. Don't get me wrong. I just feel bad.. with internet things. Sorry.

Hope this cruddy post explained, or varified, some things.

See you around.. maybe.

~ Cutepups the Fallen Blue Spirit

xx

oh

Rereading last post: Hahahahahahahh, I am such a bitter person.

Ah.. school. Woo.

Thanks for liking my blogging idea thing. Thank you.

Well.....................

by50imeantbpdandhightoveryhigh(80+)foravpdandschizoidhahathatisgreatfearfulthoughtsthatiamjustanattentionseekingbratarecomingthoughirelatetowhatthethingssay

great.

I always have the feeling that I have to say sorry a hundred times in posts like these. And if I don't, you hate me for something. Oh and then the worrying comes. Haha, that's always fun. So yeah, I'm sorry.

I feel like I can only be interesting online, and that I am extremely boring irl. Like more extremely than most people. Because I'm me.

Bye.

this is now officially my personal blog

Haha, I rarely, if at all, post AJ content anymore. Including in skits. I kinda still want to draw AJ avatars.. for fun. But yeah, welcome to the pit of "what even is this blog", new follower. I welcome you! (though more and more often I post messed up things and am messed up myself.. heh). This blog is now my personal virtual diary. For like 98% of my posts. Too lazy to write in an actual diary, so here I go posting personal shiz on here. 

Well.. hey guys! This post will change topics several times. Lots of points I feel like making. 

Firstly, another terror attack tragedy has happened today. Attacks in Brussels. Underground train or subway system I think.

Used to it by now, huh? One after the other. Not even that surprised or sad about it.. just.. just anger at how humanity can be so.. so vicious, cruel, evil. Not even just terror attacks in the ways you probably first think when you read those two words. Attacks of terror in general. Race, ethnicity, religion.. they don't mean anything. Know what does? Personality and moral principles (or lack of). Like.. it's just so sickening. And knowing how it never will stop.. attacks from person to other person, hatred, violence.. it's sickening. One reason I have grown a dislike for humanity (I dislike myself too so don't start that excuse ok thanks) is because of this ongoing and never-ending violence against each other. Why do we, as humans, have a thing for hurting others so much? The world is growing into so much hate. And there's nothing we can do to stop it. We enjoy pain. I constantly get anxiety with thinking of how the world is falling apart. Because it is. I.. I don't know what I'm even trying to make a point of here anymore. 

I hate a lot of other things about humanity (well, certain people in humanity). And maybe just the way of life. But that's for another time, kids. :)) 

Oh and no, I don't just mean racists, bigots, *insert something related to orientation that isn't cishetero here*phobes, ableists, etc., etc. only. Like.. other things too. Let's just say how I am growing to hate how romance and sex (look how I didn't just say love because that's not what I mean) are such a big deal and focus in society. Or maybe it's because I'm not interested in either of them.. that must be a factor lol. And how it intrudes in others' lives. Like, idk, "who do you have a crush on?", "nah, of course you have a crush", "think they're hot?", "if you're not straight, you're gay", etc., etc. People at school. Non-stop talk about it. It's just so annoying and kinda ostracizing for people (like me lol) who aren't into either. Why is it such a huge focus? What's the big freaking deal? Can I go a day without hearing about people's love life? Really makes me feel low.. thanks society. Not up to your standards, huh? No.. sorry I don't fit that allo mold for society. My god, people I have to deal with.. ugh. 100% sure of identity orientation? No, of course not. Do other girls think that stuff? I don't know, probably not. I'm just too effed up, that's it. Isn't it? It's not like I do those things those girls do. Or like those things that come with being one. At all. Even if some say the things have perks. There's a reason I don't engage in conversation about those specific things. Okay, I'm a wuss, what's new. People.. I swear.. 

I'm such a brilliant ball of sunshine, aren't I? :)) sarcasm is sarcastic. 

Ok whatever, no one really gives a shiz about what I have to say anyways. Why do I even try? What's the point? 

Well anyway, what does 50% on an online test about things about myself, like personality, even mean? 50% that personality disorder thing? What the hell does 50% mean? Have it or not? 50/50 here. I know I shouldn't take it all too seriously, but I'd still like to know. Because I'm me and I have a tendency to care too much over the little things. 

I strangely have a lot of smiliarities with another one. Except it can't really mean anything since I'm under 18. Even though I've been what it says for quite a few years.. all my life? Well, it doesn't mean shiz now. That's how things are, and I'm just a complainer. That's all, isn't it? *shrugs* (I am way, way, way more social and "there" and feelings than irl.. let's just say that). 

It's totally normal for teens to think and do things in the way I do.. about the slightest thing. Totally average teen brain. Totally! Not telling people in a conversation what you really think, so why not just lie to make it easier? Not making any close friend relationships? Not wanting to be close to anyone? High self-consciousness and low self-esteem. Wanting attention from people who I like, but not knowing how to deal with this attention.. how to respond to it. Can't admit desperately needing help to anyone irl.. or admitting that I'm not all cool and okay as much as one would possibly think. I can't bring myself to do that. Just can't. Negative intrusive thoughts. Yep, totally average. (sarcasm is sarcastic). 

Because.. according to how teens are irl.. I'm not like them, so therefore I'm not "normal". Which I've been told about various things about me for nearly my whole life. 

At least I don't have to deal with school people during break. Breaks from school. Thank god. I can't stand at least one thing about 90% of people in school. 

Well, about last post. My favorite book genre is fantasy (like I said) and my favorite music genre has to be alternative/rock/indie. Instrumental is also nice. I used to be such a fan of pop music, but I learned how pop just annoys me now and that.. well yeah. How it's only happy. Especially when happiness left my mind. But I like indie.. um yeah. 

The music can shape the characters' personalities. I want to make this new story thing as least cliche as I can possibly make it. Like a tough girl into deep and emotional music with her friend, a boy, who's into light and simple music who's more weak than the girl. And they, with their group of misfit friends, do.. stuff. That's where you guys come in. Fill in the holes for me. 

I started this new idea because I really, really want to improve my storywriting. In ways that TEO (starting to dislike that series name now too lol) can't satisfy for me. Like.. something completely new. Different story types, styles, POVs (like instead of 1st, using 3rd instead), etc. 

If you don't already know, I want to grow up to be a writer in some way. And maybe an artist too. I don't know anything about what I want to do with my life. Haha, I don't even know who I really am. 

I'm such a disgrace, and I have feelings you all hate me in a way for being this way.. or just about being myself. If that's even a thing for me. Me, own person? Ha. 

Sorry for everything. Ugh.

Bye.

~ S.

. . . . 

PS: Forgot to add! It's two months to my birthday. It would be great if we make it to 100,000 total pageviews by then. 

Two New Polls + New Upcoming Blogging Idea

Hey guys, Cutepups (I prefer the nicknames Blue, Spirit, Myst, or Fallen.. you can still refer to me as Cutepups.. especially if you don't know why I also go by those other nicknames) here.. posting not nearly as late as I have been! (Haha, that's a start! ;D) 

Today hasn't been an awful school day that led to several.. negative thoughts. These types of days are so rare. And on a Monday too?! Whoa... :0

Well... I put up two new polls on the right hand side of the blog. One's about book genre; the other's about music genre. It'll be a great help to me (and definitely to you guys as well) if you vote in both the polls. I'm still going to keep my reasons why to myself, but it's about a new blogging.. focus I've been thinking about. And having your inputs, knowing your opinions, would make this new blogging focus (new main posting segment) far more interactive and interesting. 

And, haha, no this isn't a boring blogging idea. I think you guys might actually enjoy this idea's post segments. But it can only be possible if you participate! 

And by participating, I mean this:

- Voting on the polls

- Commenting on posts that can only be continued if you put your input (to keep this segment going, it weighs heavily on if you guys comment your input)

The more the people who contribute, the better the hopes are that this blogging idea won't die out! I'm sick of my awkward personal posts, and I bet you guys are too. Please.. this idea isn't crap, I swear.

Oh yeah, swearing (none, fine, restrictions of which ones to use or not) is another factor. But we're not up to that point yet, so that's not very important right now. But, like, if, by chance, no one cares about swearing, then I won't do this **** censoring. But, if you want to tell me, which ones you are safe with me using and which ones you aren't, be free to add in these **** censor marks. 

Actually, as a general blog statement, I know I might've said in 2014 that a commenting rule was around "bad language". But now I don't really care about use of "bad language" (if you haven't already guessed lol).. except if it's used in an offensive way will I care. But if any active blog viewer isn't comfortable reading a post with swears, then I won't. 

And by input, I mean commenting your thoughts (what types of characters *physical and mental characteristics, possibly names and orientations as well*, setting *time and place*, plot *what's going to happen, what's the purpose*, genre the continuation story will be *what's the story type we're going to work on*.. and more input will be needed as the story progresses). 

However:

- This posting segment will only work if I have participation from other people

- It will be a story-based idea, but it does not interfere with my Twinkle's Story (and series) at all

- This posting segment won't be a daily posting segment (I think the most frequent it will be is once a week.. if that's even possible) 

Whelp, that's all I'll say on this matter for today. 

Peace! :) 

~ Cutepups (or whatever other nickname) 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

(just kidding, that's not the legit end of this post) 

please don't say you want romance, i'm actually so sick of all the romance in the twinkle's story (and series). (i know i'm so ironic) 

come on, guys.. doesn't a collaborative (interactive) story sound like a cool idea that you'd be interested in doing with me? even if you didn't contribute (put in your input) once the first segment post is published, you can join in on the way. 

the music is going to be a factor later on. (hopefully) 

it's okay if this story goes towards having violence and "sad scenes".. not completely sure about the violence at this point, but it definitely will have "sad scenes".. all good stories have to have "sad scenes", maybe not as intense as the ones in twinkle's story (and series) but they're still going to be "sad scenes" there nonetheless. 

okay, that's all i can think of for now. i have to study for school. bye! 

Featured Music, Movie, String, + Kitties

Hello! Welcome to yet another end-of-the-day post from yours truly, Cutepups (who you can also call Blue, Spirit, Fallen, or simply just the letter S)! ^w^

... I mean people still come on here, right?

ugh sorry ugh

Here's this post's featured music link: http://relaxingbeats.com

It's the relaxing music playlist website. I personally prefer the epic music playlist a little bit more than this one, but I still love this one's playlist.

Nice calming upbeat music. Great background noise for reading this post, huh? ;)

So anyway...

Today I saw the movie, Zootopia! I liked it a lot! The message the movie had.. how it was motivational and inspirational... yes, yes, yes. I won't give anything about it away, but it's such a sweet movie. What I liked even more about it is that there's this theme that in reality, life is harsh and not exactly what we hoped it would be (for most people, at least). Like.. people have struggles in life that they never unexpected. There are so many difficulties on the path of life and there may be people out there who want to prevent you from what you want to be. And this is being a message in a movie for kids. That's pretty beautiful. And the other theme, message, about how there's stereotyping. Like I guess the stereotyping of animal to other animal in the movie is the human equivalent to racism and maybe sexism as well (other stereotyping in general, too of course). Which is still a huge, huge problem in society as a whole. It's pretty deep, haha.

My parents never got that message hint. Well, I admit that I probably wouldn't have gotten it as easily if I hadn't read a thing or two online.. heh, heh. But after seeing the movie, I can see how shocking the similarities are. With the themes and messages. It.. just.. whoa. :0

So, next topic...

My mom put this loop of string into my hands and wanted me to play this game called "Cat's Cradle".

One- how the heck was I supposed to know what to do with this string if I don't know how to do this strange string game?

Two- how does someone bend their hands like that?

Three- Mom, I swear you never taught me how to play this before.

Four- I also don't know anyone who has ever played this game before in my lifetime.

Five- the name of this game is a lie because our small cat does not fit in the "Cat's Cradle".

It was such a weird and confusing experience. Especially how my mom got me so annoyed and mad at her after a series of unfortunate events (fan of those books when I was younger c; << lol) that I don't want to go into with any of you.

eeyup

Next topic...

Yesterday, I was home alone (nice movie << lol) for most of the time. So to pass the time, at one point I decided to mess around with my pets (cats and dog).

Someone ( ;} ) also chatted with me, which made me less bored and lonely.

I'd rather just share the cat photos I took. So, haha, let's begin!

I bet most of you already know the black and white cat is named Thelma. The other cat is called Mr. Zo. ..um yes that is such a legit name for him like gosh you don't even know this poor old soft vicious kitty..

Bye <3

~ *insert whichever name you prefer to call me by here.. by that I mean the ones I listed at the beginning of this post*

lol what

another post involving music <3

Whew, I'm so tired. I feel less gross now than earlier. Haha.

I post so many posts after midnight. Posts early in the day are so rare for me now. Sure, I made that last post at around 3 pm. But besides that one, I type up my posts late at night. It's like a thing to end a long day. Homework is completed for the following school morning, it's all nice and quiet, and I'm typing up a post before going to sleep. Yeah, it's strangely nice but unhealthy..?

So, because I'm not in the mood to make a long post, on with it! Today I found this pretty awesome music player website. I've been listening to the music on this site for around 4 hours now. It's instrumental with some foreign language being sung with it in a few of the songs. I love this music and it's so beautiful and I ... I love this site so much. I am so happy I found it.

I personally prefer the one I'm going to link (the epic music one) because it's my favorite one out of the few similar sites it's connected with. It inspires me, haha. Writing.. homework.. makes me feel determined. Nice feelings. I like that. Good.

Okay, here's the link: http://epicmusictime.com

Hopefully, you will not be disappointed. (I mean I hope not, but we all have different opinions, so...)

Thanks for being here. You reading this post means a lot to me. You mean a lot to me.

My mood kinda fluctuates a lot on a daily basis. Haha, oh boy.. Well, thanks for dealing with me. I know I must be annoying with all of these mood changes.

I care about you guys. Despite the posts I made a few months ago (*cough* December especially *cough*), if you want to start off a nice and friendly conversation in the comments, then go ahead. I'm just really awkward and shy and get anxious that I'll say or do something wrong when speaking to a new person.

Please don't be scared of me. Because of some things I post or whatever. I just have strange trains of thoughts. That, yes, can end up negative and violent and depressing.

Haha, I can't believe I started this blog almost 2 years ago. I always kept my posts so happy. Now that I look back at them, they look so fake. And very cringeworthy. I'm a totally different person from way back then. Like I was such an AJ blogger nerd.. but with some of my posting creativity at least. I think some of you guys are thinking along the same line I am. I also know so. Change.. wow.

And even the music I had on my blog from a year ago. Now that I think back to it, I don't know how those songs even fit in with my TEO characters. Haha, what was I thinking back then with every good song relating to my story series? Wow, younger me, wow.

Haha, late night thoughts...

Life has changed me.

I have changed me.

People have changed me.

Even you, yes you, have changed me.

Let's all take care.

~ Cutepups/Blue/Spirit/S. ♡

sorry

That last post took a wrong turn.

I went a little too personal in the comments.

Constantly tired and up to do absolutely nothing and being shamed for being uninteresting and boring.

People make me tired.

I make me tired. (omg when will she stop)

School makes me tired.

Life makes me tired.

hhhhngfg life's a bummer.

I had a dream that my dad had tickets to see Hamilton.

He wouldn't give me one.

Then he saw it.

He came back and said he hated it.

Outraged, I asked him why.

He said he was never interested.

??????????

Then 20-or-so minutes later, I laughed at him.

Then I got tickets to see it for my birthday from my grandma.

Then he drove away from me while crying.

......

This dream is strangely a realistic possibility.

The other day, my friends/classmates were doing nothing.

One of them asked the rest of us if we knew the band, Hollywood Undead.

They all stared at her with blank faces.

Then I said, "Yes, I love Hollywood Undead!"

Then they stared at me.

None of them heard of that band before.

The person who brought it up just heard of it a few days ago to do this project for a class.

.......

I feel gross.

I drew something.

I might post it later.

Never being satisfied with myself, or people, or the world is my specialty.

I'm always tired.

Stupid hormones, I never asked for you.

Girl .. ugh.

That feeling though.

Ugh life.

the trash of disappointment has returned

I'm the trash of disappointment lol.

Why am I here again? Uh...

Oh yeah! Last post just so happened to be my Sa(y)tan post. Why did I put a (y) there. Um sure. That was my 666th post. 666. (y)

Listen to the music. Join me in my music fandoms trashcan. Join me as we discuss sad songs. Just do it, oh my god.

I feel like I'm speaking to a wall. In real life, on this blog.. yeah.

I barely pass as a decent person lol. Among the pitiful. Too pathetic and sensitive for life. The baddest of the bad at everything club is run by me. I fail at leading it, don't get me wrong. *cough cough cough* 

Goddamnit, I just can't take a break from screaming internally at myself and everything else in this cruddy world. Stop showing off irl people, I know you're better than me. Gosh.. stop it. Just stop.

Like how. How?!?!? How can people be happy every day all throughout the day? Because I don't get it. Politics is just one huge nightmare. Every kid at school ends up being a piece of shiz. Teachers are biased. Etc., etc. The world itself.. it's so upsetting what's happening in reality. How are they always happy?! Is it because they're never alone and don't have the insecurities I do? Like what is it, man?!

Today's St. Patrick's Day. No difference. Except no playing instruments in band class today (because of the competition yesterday). It's the same world suffering and self suffering every day. I'm out of luck, I don't give a ...

lol oh wait oops

I hope no kid shows their parent this blog. Because that'll be very bad. I sometimes think about life and death and dying, but I'd rather not be killed by aggravated little kids' parents because I quit AJ a while ago and turned this blog into personal trash.

I haven't posted a new chapter in so long. Wow! And Blogger is shiz on my computer.

Dawn is getting to be one of my favorite characters, to be honest. Like.. she's awesome. I love her. Twinkle.. well.. she's so weak and such a complainer. And Duke is such a dramatic crybaby. And Fierdan is just a poor lost misunderstood soul. And the past (what happened, what they made him do) messed him up so bad. For the millionth (or less) time, he doesn't have those things because of what he did. Actions alone, especially the bad, don't completely define who a person is. It's more than that. The past itself with what happened (in the worlds, to his body) and what he did messed him up. The past. He doesn't have those things only because he was forced to do horrendous things and be heartless for them.

Dawn and Fierdan were so cute together. Before it really started to go downhill to rockbottom, their relationship was adorable. Even when they're not even adorable themselves. He hated everyone else, but Dawn. And then Twinkle intrudes. And Dawn.. hhhhhng. She's awesome.

How and why she did all that stuff for him, and then for them. She's such a great character. Really.

I kinda do want to type up a new chapter, but I didn't have the motivation to actually go on with it in so long. Even during the times I posted the last few chapters. Writing it makes me feel so bad and guilty with everything that has already happened. But like, I have to continue it to come out clean and explain it all so it's justified.. storywise, I guess.

Their views for each other probably has changed. After everything that happened and what he done, things can't really be the same as it's always been between them. Duke and Twinkle. Remind me on what I'm saying here. Please do lol a lot's on my mind.

Well...

Thanks for being here.

Someone must be out there reading this.

Someone somewhere.. I know it.

Today felt like a Friday earlier. But it's only Thursday.

Peace,
~ Cutepups ♡

How I'm Feeling (songs)

Excluding songs from the Blurryface album and the Hamilton album. Those two albums are ☆☆☆☆☆ to me, and they're basically my life right now.

Listen to those two albums. Justtt listennn tooo theirrr beautifulll voicesss withhh theee occasionalll heartwrenchinggg lyricsss. Do it for the Cutepups. Aaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!

The two songs I'm linking, too. Listen to them. My computer is crap and I'm about to go to sleep, so I can't actually put the videos into the post.. so.. deal with it.

Yes, I know the first song is more towards having bipolar disorder and/or bpd. I just was aware of what bpd (borderline personality disorder) is a few weeks ago, and for some reason to understand it better, I took this online quiz for it. It said I either had 50% or 60% bpd. On another quiz thing, it said I had 30%; another said I was "safe" from bpd. What the what. The internet is so accurate. (<< smell my stinky sarcasm).

Then I did one for avpd (avoidant personality disorder) and it said I got 80-90% avpd. Well, that's cool, online quiz thingy.. um. It also said no one can be diagnosed with avpd until they're an adult. So.. okay then.

(EDIT 3/18: I took a more detailed-looking online test (not like I believe what they say.. only to a certain small extent because reasons) today, and it said 47% bpd and 64% avpd for me, which is slightly higher percentages than normal, according to what it said. Why am I typing about this? Because I'm in an everlasting state of unsatisfaction and boredom of life.)

But.. I don't care, I am addicted to these songs (in these versions.. the most). And hey, I feel black and white, trapped inside myself, emotions are all wild even though I appear to be dull and boring which is why I'm trapped within myself because I can't get myself to explain the.. the things into words. So why not. Oh and in the second song, just switch the math and science part with the english part, and it's accurate for me. So yeah, haha, enjoy.

Or not. I don't care, I'm so tired. I'm pretty sure I made a post last year about how I had this 6+ hour band competition. I had it tonight (3/16). Very long indeed it was. Ohhh boyyy.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cQKGUgOfD8U
[Vocaloid Original] ECHO [Gumi English]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nZHXSN6lEEw
Lost One's Weeping (English Cover) [JudyPhonic] 

Love. Love. Love. Music. (I love the music.)

*head falls dramatically ugly onto pillow*

See ya.

*screams into the void for a few seconds*

Yeah.. bye.

~ Cutepups ♡

(PS: It's okay if you're not into my music tastes. It's fine. We're all different individuals, anyways.)

Pies and Pen Doodle (with regular post crud)

Hello! It is I. Cutepups! Cutepups is such a weird nickname, I swear. Like just imagine going up to someone, and they ask what your name is, and you (I mean I lol) say Cutepups. Cute. Pups. (Ugh, why can I only come up with weird or too unoriginal online nicknames?!) 

So moving right along now...

Hi you math nerds. (I almost said herds there.. pfft.. are any of you secretly cattle or some other herding animal?). Know what today is? Today is pi day, you nerds. 

Since I didn't do any pi day thing in school today (I didn't even have my math classes today), I'm not gonna go all math geek on you. Last year's post on pi day had numbers. This post will not have my numbers related to pi day. Sorry, sorry. 

So yeah. I had to take pictures of pies from Google for one of my classes, so have some random pictures of pies. 

Haha, these photos are so gonna appear too big on my blog ol' trash. Because I still can't edit and create any posts on my computer. Yayyyyy. Nahhhhhh. I mean no. 

So moving right along...

I was bored in boring language arts class. So I was all like "what the heck", and drew something. In pen. It's just a doodle. It's so crappy, oh my god. I don't even care though, so here have a look at it.

Behind the lined sheet of paper is some essay-related paper. Because I'm working on this essay in that class now. So yeah lol, I was bored and felt like drawing a crappy doodle of Wirt from the cartoon, Over The Garden Wall. It's such a short show, but it has something about it that I like. I like that character called Wirt. He deserves more hugs. Autumn is a pretty nice season, I must say. Oh yes. 

That ugly scribble thing in the bottom right near my failed attempt at drawing grass in 30 seconds is a form of a signature. I own this drawing, not you. Okay thanks. The horizontal line scribbles above the word, Wirt, is his shadow. I drew a grumpy Wirt. I colored it so badly. The ears aren't even close to being evenly sized.

Go check out that show. It's very nice, friend, very nice indeed. 

People actually talked with awkward loner me. So I am happy. Also sad because school. Meh. 

Oh yeah. Know what's weird and messed up? That fanfic my friend's friend found today. Like. Just. Whyyyyyyyyy. (Believe me, you do not want to know what it was about.. LOL OH MY) 

Oh wait.. why the heck am I even typing about this? I do not know. 

Hamilton (the musical) trash, anyone? Any takers? Join me in the pit. Fight me. "Fight me you filthy memer," a message written on the back whiteboard in my language arts classroom. 

"ELIZAAAAA" "And Penny" "I'M NOT THROWING AWAY MY SHOT" "Stay alive" "We'll make it right for you" "When you came into the world, you cried, and it broke my heart" "My father wasn't around" "Wait for it, wait for it, wait for it" "And he takes, and he takes, and he takes" "Love doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints" "Life doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints" "And if there's a reason I'm still alive when everyone who loved me has died" (some lyrics from Hamilton songs.. yes.. emotional historical tension) 

Okay, I might sound high (I'm not oh god no lol) here. But hey, at least this post isn't some post with me saying in a million different ways "I'm a self-depreciating piece of shiz c:" (replace the z with another letter if you're allowed to go into that stuff). Like wow, I haven't posted happy posts (without some form of self-depreciation.. that's the right word I'm using I'm hoping?) in so long. I think I might have forgotten how to blog without putting that negativity into my posts. Even this post has some negativity. Like with my quick Wirt doodle I drew in class today. I know for a fact it isn't good. It's not supposed to be. I might possibly draw a better actual fan-art of him again (maybe with the other characters too). 

Oh won't you tell me.. please just tell me (is that English Unravel? hurhurhur).. How to be a cool blogger and person in general? Oh won't you tell me.. please just tell me.. I'll be very thankful of you if you do. I have one dollar in my wallet. Wow, big money prize. Except I can't give you my money. Sorry, I'm just a trashcan that can type..? Lol yeah that's me, amigo. 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

BYE. HAVE A DAY. GOOD? HOPEFULLY? I DON'T KNOW? 

Okay bye lol 

-- Cutepups ;D 

*cri cri* this post.. such trash, such swag ????? 

Important + !

I am done. I'm quitting that. Not forever, mostly likely, but for the next few weeks, hopefully. It will be great if I can confidently say forever, but we both know that's not true. When I will, I am going to try to type it poetically instead of straightforward. Maybe even draw. I'm going to try to not type it as simple words now.

I am done. That vent trash from the past few months is behind me now. I have grown from part of it; I have been knocked down from part of it. All parts, however, have affected who I am today. Mostly bad, but there were also a few good things. I won't go into it that much. I'll just say it has improved my writing/plans for writing, and it has improved how I view myself as a person.

I am done with making myself suffer day after day, week after week, and month after month. I still have to learn to let it be, that change happens. Life happens. And that's okay. Feelings are okay. Feeling happy? Great! Feeling angry, sad, lonely, empty, hopeless, paranoid, sick, etc., etc.? That's okay, too. It is okay to let out feelings. But let it take over your life and trap you inside yourself like a living hell you can't escape from, and you have no idea why you're being this way? That isn't really okay. I've been, and still am honestly, like that. But if I keep thinking and acting that way, well.. it's gonna kill me. Being all negative is my go-to most of the time (mainly just in my head so no one else knows). But if I ditch the positives, I swear it's gonna kill me.

So this is why I'm here. I am going to try my best (I mean it this time) to be happy. Not overanalyze and suffer over the little things in life. Finding happiness is fairly easy. But believing it, feeling the happiness truthfully, has been pretty difficult for me as of late. A part of me is dying because of this. I'm messing myself bad because of this. I can't help these feelings in all honesty, but I can't keep it up anymore. I need more positivity in my life. Not from others, I get plenty of that, but from myself.

And what better reason to do that than leaving the countless vents in the back and starting over with positivity and happiness in my posts? It will make myself feel better, and I believe it will make you guys feel better too.

No more vents. I am going to be happy. I will try, anyways.

On other news, I am starting to become complete fandom trash. I really want to start drawing fan-art from the fandoms I like. Discuss them with you guys if you watch/read/listen to them too. That seems something I'll be interested in doing. Haha yeah.

Constantly posting this negativity makes me feel like I'm dying. So I have now decided on, well.. Screw that, I am not going to allow myself to keep this up until I die. I am going to live. I am going to be happy, not sad. Sure, it is hard for me to completely not feel anxious and depressed*, but I am going to try to control it and not take over my life like how it's done in months prior to this one.

Take care, stay safe, and have another photo from the flower show.

Goodbye. <3

-- Cutepups ~☆~

Flowers (part 1) + Other News

Do not fear, I am here.

(Yes, good. Starting the post off poetically. Nice, very good.)

So first off, I simply didn't blog on here in the last couple days because I didn't have anything cool to blog about. Today I do. So I am here.

But some things before I go all flower-power on you guys. (flowers have power)

Daylight's saving time started today. I don't know if it's the same in other countries besides the United States. So yeah. I probably won't be able to do very late posts on weekdays that much anymore. I need more sleep on weekdays as it is. Hour ahead now means losing an hour of sleep. So.. that's how it is.

Oh and that pop music thing from Wednesday and Thursday? That scared me so much. I still couldn't figure out the source of where it was playing from. I'm so glad it stopped on Friday. At some points I thought I was vividly imagining it or maybe even hallucinating. Like okay guys. I could only hear it in my room. And in hours from 10 pm to 7 am (it started earlier on Wednesday though). And I checked and none of the music devices in my room were on and playing music. There also were these radio commercials. Yeah, that sure was a weird experience.

I also have been doing other things besides blogging and going on DA too. It's nice. Doing other things.

I also had a dream that I went to school, barefoot. I also had a few dreams before when I go to school (on the bus, in the school building) in my socks. No shoes, either socks or barefoot. This happened several times, and I have no idea what this means. I always make sure I have my shoes on before I leave the house. Um.. yeah. Haha.

Now onto flowers! So today I went to this flower show in Philadelphia. And it was pretty awesome. Tons of flowers and several other different types of plants. There were also some shows and demonstrations going on within the flower show. There were also exhibits there. I took quite a lot of pictures (not all of them are flowers) because they just look so beautiful and awesome to me.

Hope you enjoy! ^w^

-- Cutepups ~☆~

I Wish I Could Save You (writing + other stuff)

Poem.. Short story.. Whatever you want to call this piece of writing. 

Thoughts I've had about people (mostly online) for quite a while. It is fictional. The only "true" thing about it is (a) my feelings that the narrative says, and (b) I once had a week or nearly a week in 2012 where there was no electricity due to a hurricane (yeah, that east coast one.. ha ha).

But away from that, I don't feel that cruddy for no logical reason today. Or yesterday either. Today has been good. Chemistry class was actually fun today (I mean the teacher was absent, but.. yeah, haha, fun). It feels like it's summer while it's still winter again. Climate change is happening and is real, guys. Global warming is happening and is real, guys. Be aware. Yesterday was Women's Day and Free Pancake Day (at IHOP.. yum.. I went there yesterday.. donated too.. good).

I also have been hearing these pop songs playing (pretty softly) for at least two hours now. I'm not listening to any music right now, and no one in my family is playing this kind of music. So.. I'm guessing some neighbors are blasting music..? Yeah probably.. I don't know. I'm confused. 

I was expecting some angry comments for the past few posts. Because I'm me, and I think that. But I didn't get any. You guys are cool. Thanks. 

This isn't a continuation story. It's just a random story thing I typed up today and uploaded to my DeviantArt.

I'm probably going to be going on here, DA, and other sites you know me on less often in the next few months. Because, school. But other non-school stuff, too. Like getting ready for that religious thing has officially started now. And also because I want to dedicate more time to myself to indulge myself in fandoms (books/manga, TV shows/anime, movies, plays, music). And improve at.. life. Because I suck at life. I really do. 

Comment what stuff you're interested in. Like if you want to. I don't know anymore, honestly guys, what am I even doing, because I really don't know anymore. 

Yeah, cool, okay. The writing piece! 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  

I WISH I COULD SAVE YOU

It started one stormy night 
I was standing by the window
Of my parents' house
The skies were gray
The rain pelted down
Like a million mini waterfalls all at once 
The wind was blowing madly 
And it was cold
Oh so very cold
On the opposite side of the window 
I gazed out of at my parents' house 

The hours passed by
One after the other
Midnight, one a.m., two a.m.
I lost track of the time
I was left alone as I stared out the window 
The developing hurricane entranced me 
A little like those beautiful tragedies 
I love and hold dear
Inside all those fictional stories 

The sky flashed again
But it wasn't an ordinary flash of lightning 
No, something else got left behind 
Or should I say a someone
In the backyard now
Which I have stared at 
For hours on end
I rubbed my eyes
No, I wasn't hallucinating 
Someone was out there
Standing slumped over
Letting the raindrops attack them like missiles 

I don't know why but
I tapped on the glass
No response
I waved my arms
No response
I shouted
No response 
The person didn't even move
It was as if that person
Was trapped in a hurricane 
Little did I know 
How terrible that actually meant 

Another hour passed
And I had enough
I grabbed my jacket and my boots
Quickly put them on
And ran out the door
Towards that person
Standing frozen in the backyard
I thought I would get answers
But I only got more questions  

I said a little "hey"
The person turned their head the slightest bit
I never was sure if that person was a
Girl, boy, something in-between, or neither 
I decided to call the person, They 

I asked They why they were standing alone
In my parents' backyard 
At four in the morning 
They gave me a solemn look and shrugged 
I then offered They to come inside
I wasn't expecting an answer 
"No thanks," They muttered anxiously 
"Things will be better if I stay out here."

I didn't accept that as a valid reason
We argued in bare whispers 
"Believe me, you'd be better off without me," They said 
"At least stay for the night," I sighed
My wet clothes were clinging onto my cold thin body frame
Finally, They agreed to be took in 
One night couldn't be too bad 

The storm lasted far more than a few more hours
It lasted for nearly an entire week
The hurricane destroyed the electricity 
At least I knew They was safe
I thought so
I was dead wrong 

I nearly gave up on They
Never did I see They smile
They was just a mirror
The gloomy and depressing world outside
Was all packed inside this child
With their mess of dark brown hair
That ended abruptly at their neck 
With their dull ragged clothes
That have been worn for three days straight 
With their pale eyes
That were more gray than blue

Whenever I saw They
All positive thoughts vanished from my brain
I suddenly felt so depressed
Thinking about life and death 
And aiming to become nothing at all
Until the day I die

One day I had enough
I rounded on They
I blamed They for the misery
The world outside, the world inside my head
But not the reasons behind why
They was miserable in the first place

That night the rain poured down
Harder than ever before
I also found They
Sprawled out on my bed 
I found They crying 
I never heard They so loud 
Until this moment 

"Why can't I just die!" I heard They cry out
The pillow their face was buried in
Muffled some of the sound 
"I'm a human hurricane that just brings misery!"
I left They alone the rest of that night 

The following morning 
The skies cleared up
The rain stopped pouring out 
By the bucketfuls 
And the sun came out 
For the first time in nearly a week
I felt happiness
It sure was great 

I honestly thought They was
The human equivalent to this hurricane
But if that was true
They wouldn't still look so miserable
And dull, and gray, and gloomy
Especially not with eyes sparkling wet

"Hey, the storm's over, you don't have to be sad anymore,"
I said to They in an attempt of comfort 
I always sucked at comforting people 
And I was right 

They glared at me
"Who do you think I am?" They asked
"Do you honestly think I'm sad because...
Because of the hurricane?"

I told They the truth 
At first They cried
Then They laughed
Leaving me clueless and lost
Was They finally going to explain themself? 

"The weather, this freaking weather, does not
Affect my mood," They said
"Rainy days don't cause sad days.
Sunny days don't mean happy days.
Rainbows don't make anything better.
It's not as easy as that.
My name is Storm.
I wish the weather affected my mood.
But the sun has risen every morning.
I haven't been happy for years.
I only know sadness, hopelessness, and emptiness."
They paused to look into my eyes and say,
"My name is Storm, a thirteen-year-old agender, with clinical depression, and I want to die."

I felt so stupid 
I couldn't say a thing
I never expected They, er... Storm, to say that
I didn't know what to do
I felt so terrible
I messed up really bad

When Storm left the house
I ran and caught up with them
"What can I do to help?" I asked
"Nothing," Storm muttered 
"I have to help you!"
"It's too late for that!"
"I'm so sorry, St--"
"Whatever."
"I honestly didn't know what you were going through."
"I don't care."
"It's my fau--"
"No, it's my fault."
"No, it's not, Storm!"
"I should've thanked you."
"I don't care, it's okay!"
"Thank you."
Then Storm left me standing alone in the drizzling rain

Tears were in my eyes
"I'm sorry I'm a good-for-nothing loser!
The only person I blame is myself.
I don't know how to make people feel better.
Especially when I know things can't just get better like that.
I can't even relate to what you're going through.
I want to help you, I really do.
But I don't know how to help.
I'm so sorry, Storm, please forgive me!
I wish I could save you.
But I know it's too late for me to save you.
Please don't hurt yourself.
Please don't... go.
I love you, friend."

I never saw Storm ever again.
I never knew what happened to them.
I only knew that I failed Storm,
this child I met in a storm in my parents' backyard,
this child from the sky itself.
I never even told them they had a friend- me.
They needed saving, but I could only fail them.

I'm so sorry.
I wish I could save you.
I'm sorry I failed you, friend.
Your inner storm will end one day, even if you call yourself Storm.
And I'll do whatever it takes to make sure that day isn't the day you die.
Because I always did care about you.
Ever since I laid eyes on you standing alone in the pouring rain.
And maybe before then, before our lives crossed, before I knew who you were.
Take care of yourself for me, okay kid?
Please...

....

........................................................

*********************************

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Read This Post (even though it sucks)

thesongsisangbymeowingwereunravelandgonerohmygodwhatdoievendowithmylifeilovethesesongssomuchandtheykindaaretakingovermylifeilovedepressingsongsandgahthesetwosongskindahavebeenmylifeforthepastfewmonthsespeciallywhenihavebeenfeelingreallyupsetandkindadeadbecauseofteenageangstiguessandalsobecauseiscrewedupatonofstuff

lol nope. I'm not separating the words there. Do it yourself. I guess..?

So anyway.. know what's great? When you're not the only one in class that's struggling. That doesn't understand what to do in the work. Because, gah, that feeling is amazing. It makes me feel less alone in feeling like a complete fail (woo, existential crisis, woo :/). Which then in turn results in less anxiety. Ah.. how nice. (pfft no).

Haha yeah, I mean chemistry. That subject is quite the struggle for me. Whew..

I have so many drawing ideas in my head, but I can't find the energy (emotionally and physically) to actually go and work on them. Same with writing. Ugh, I just wanna sleep and do nothing instead, to be honest. I can't do that because of school and life and all the rest of that teenage crud.

Ya know, actually haha, this might be weird to ask. But I'll ask it. So.. um.. you guys are teens/preteens (11, 12+ ??).. right? Like I mean those of you I'm not that close with but are frequent visitors. Because, man, do I complain about (high) school a lot. I don't want to bore and scar any youngsters out there who are still living it up (lol what) in elementary school. I don't know about schooling in other countries, so I might be making this more awkward for some of you. Wow, I'm so sorry. I've been thinking about it, and I find it weird and kinda unsettling how I can have viewers of my blog who aren't even in middle school (11-12 years old at the youngest) yet. Haha, I kinda fear that I'll slip up and swear actual swear words in a post some day instead of using these substitute words. Yeah, be careful.. I know. It's hard for me to remember that when I'm.. um.. feeling strong emotions, such as sadness and anger. And I don't feel comfortable knowing that I might be saying this to a person who isn't even a preteen yet. Not like I'll say those kind of words to any of you.. I just have this habit of swearing (explicitly I mean of course) in posts where I vent and rant, to myself, and to technology. I constantly swear in my head, to be honest. And when you become old like me, that becomes the way of life for most. I also had some level of strong themes in Twinkle's Story and TEO as a whole. So I guess if you're uncomfortable with these sort of things, you wouldn't still be viewing here..? Like okay, I keep on feeling skeptical of continuing Twinkle's Story because of all the strong themes I've put in it. Frequent blood scenes, murder and mention of murder, suicide and mention of suicide, strong language in one form or another, self-harm and mention of self-harm, different types of abuse, mention of drugs, sensual content in one form or another.. that's all I can think of right now.. I have turned Twinkle's Story into such a long and messed up writing piece. I have to learn to write better and clearer.. I know that too.

Oh wow, that sure is a huge paragraph. I shall leave now. Goodbye.

~ Cutepups +×+×+×+

Well...

Hey guys. ^-^'

About yesterday, yeah.. don't leave me alone when I'm bored while forcing myself to make a more happy post even though I forgot how to make happy posts at this point. Because.. yeah.. that happened. 

I honestly forgot how to blog well a long time ago. Good, happy posts.. I don't know what to do because I'm out of ideas. So yesterday's awful posts happened. Because, haha, I don't know how to appeal to audiences anymore. 

But enough on that. Nobody guessed, so it shouldn't be a big deal to you guys anyways. Oops sorry. Cutepups is trash.

I messed up again. Really bad. I strayed away from my academic priorities for too long. That's stressing me, "friends" stuff is stressing me, blogging is stressing me.. I honestly don't know what isn't at this point. Goddamnit, I screwed up again. I really do have to be on here, and those other sites you might know me on, less often. Maybe leave completely for a little while. Ugh, I don't know anything anymore except that everything either disappoints me or that I disappoint everybody. Honestly, I'm only still here because...

I don't know anymore. You guys just brighten up my day. You guys make me feel less alone. Because, especially now, I feel like I have nobody.. not going to go into that, but things happened. But.. ugh.. I feel that still being here contributes to how I'm ruining my own life. Ahem, school stuff, ahem. 

Goddamnit.. I just can't stay happy, can't I? No, of course not. All I know is I keep on making the same mistakes, I messed up really badly because of it, I'm more alone than ever, and I have to quit this unhealthy obsession of being on here and those other sites so often.

Ugh.. I feel so alone. You guys make me feel less alone. I have to access here and those sites less often. Life is rough, everyone I know is better, and everything makes me want to (figuratively.. literally?) cry. 

I'm gonna hate myself for this. I know I am. I also know I can't hold on.. I can't keep this up.. I'm ruining my own life at this point. 

School is hell for me, but I gotta take care of that first before anything else. Besides my health, I guess. But definitely instead of these online things. It sucks, but it's true. I learned the hard way.. time and time again. 

I'm sorry, everyone. Goodbye.

~ Cutepups 

by the way

By "prizes", I mean drawings.

That might be fun. Something to draw. Goals.

Haha, that post is gonna cause the end of me.

Just kidding, but it's gonna give me more unhealthy stress probably.

Face it, I'm weird. I'm not that normal.

I'm already stressed over other things. Sorry guys, life is rough.

Bye again.

I'm so very sorry (voice)

I am procrastinating.

I almost was going to type up a new chapter, but then I was like "lol nah, I'll post this instead".

I'm not going to even put context for this post. I'm so very sorry. Free time with me.. featuring Thelma the punk tuxedo cat.

Warning: Some noises might damage your ears due to the horrific sounds Thelma and I make.

Thelma makes noises that makes others believe she is injured, but fear not for she is not hurt. She likes saying "ow".

You have been warned.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1dZ9biH48e4

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1h3xVPXHAlm

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0nDIOLEX1o6

http://vocaroo.com/i/s05s9Pmfje1v

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1PamHtFmUVv (meow-singing a song I do not own.. guess the song name correctly and i give you prize *hint- this one is from an anime.. such tragedy)

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1TeI95qCTBz (oh wait that's not Thelma, that's my other cat)

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0KX6YYkXdE6 (meow-singing another song I do not own.. I do not own any songs actually.. guess the song name correctly and i give you prize *hint- this is one of my favorite songs right now.. i like listening to sad-like songs.. wow am i weird)

Yeah, haha, singing those parts of the songs in English? Hahahahahaha, you're funny. Very funny, Billybob. I see you over there, Helen. I see you all. Actually, I don't. But still.

I'm sane, I promise. I just.. yeah, weird things.. when I'm alone at home.. and bored. Yeah.. haha hope I didn't make any of your ears bleed. That would be bad.

So.. why I'm doing these awful posts? Well, because I'm out of any other ideas. And because I always wanted to post about saying the characters' names in Twinkle's Story correctly.. aka the way I do. Well, if you speak English anyways.. haha yeah. And I have recently discovered this vocaroo site. So yeah. Perfect.

Or maybe it's because I'm growing to be more and more lonely, I have paranoia* (or other word.. idk) that I'm "fake" to you online guys to how things are with everything about me, some other bloggers constantly revealed their voices so why not, you can't find me or anything like that irl just from hearing my voice, and.. those reasons will come another day.

Just.. if/when things go bad.. or if/when I leave here and those other sites you might know me on too.. well.. um.. ...

I hate having this sense that I'm "fake".. that you guys view me that way. I can't really explain what that means, I'm sorry. I want to be viewed as "real", or at least a person.. a female teenage person.. and not somebody I'm not. I've made mistakes in the past, including on here, and.. well.. I want people to believe me. Haha, that's stupid.. I know. And speaking? That makes those feelings of "fakeness" and "being divided" subside a little.

I'm not faking what happened, what I'm feeling, how I'm feeling when I'm upset. The day I leave here for a long time, or perhaps forever, I want to be believed that I'm not being sinister and manipulative (which I kinda have paranoia* you believe I am that way in some of my posts).

Because when I leave for good, I won't come back. I hate thinking that I'm dull and lying by just typing words. I would like to say goodbye, so it's more "real" to me. More believable that I'm stating the truth. The final goodbye.

And speaking makes that paranoia* subside. Just a little. But still. It reassures me. Stresses me too.. sure. But that's my feelings on a whole lot of other things, too. So.. oh well.

Whew, that escalated quickly. Don't worry, I won't leave for a really long time. Most likely.

Maybe I'll always stay. Maybe I'll leave tomorrow. Maybe I just want to be remembered as "Cutepups the blogger", and not as "just that person I knew online and became kinda friends with when I was younger".

I suck at explaining how my brain works with thinking such things. I want to be real, believable, and remembrable to you I guess.

Haha, stupid thinking, right?

I know, I'm sorry.

Bye.

~ Cutepups

PS: Telling me other and better posting ideas would be highly appreciated. Preferably new ones I haven't done before. Thanks.

living the life oh yes (voice)

Haha, what am I even doing with my life.

Plot twist: I am my biggest stranger.

Like, my voice. Why must I sound like a cute, sweet, awkward little child. I sound so young. Is this even real. What is real. Nothing is real.

I don't sound like this at all in my head. Like at all. Why does my voice sound so cute. I am not cute. I swear, hearing my voice on recordings makes me feel like I'm a 12 year old. I'm not 12 though. I'm a young-old troubled person.

So anywho *wink wink*, here are some weird audio recordings I made yesterday. Am I normal? Of course not. When was I ever normal? Never. I don't even have that typical (non-girly girl) teenager voice. I'm just outcast old me. Woop.

- - -

Homework:

http://vocaroo.com/i/s10CSa7q7GSZ

Yeah, no one else could understand it enough to finish it. (Darn you, chemistry homework with your impossible questions.. :v *shakes fist in rage*)

- - -

Reading a part of a Twinkle's Story chapter.. but in Spanish:

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0MDM3jS5coS

That was from Duke's POV.. and he's the one saying that.

MATAMEYA MATAME!!!!! >8U

Um.. it was the part when Duke was all like...

Screaming "KILL ME" in Chapter 51. I really thought I had a Chapter 52.. I guess I do not. Matame means kill me in Spanish. Haha, why can't I sound cool like Dukie poo? Such shame.

- - -

Another plot twist- I'm not secretly part puppy.. I'm actually secretly part cat:

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1mj2Yo9cAOL

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0freIUiEU2C

Yeah, Thelma my little punk cat came over to me and said meow into my phone. What a shame you can't hear her annoyed meow on the recording. Oh darn.

- - -

A combination of all of these topics:

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0zJOQyHmN2M

Bluey. Cutepups. Same thing. Online nicknames. Yeah sure ok.

- - -

Yeah, I'll leave it at that.

Weird old me does weird old things, says weird old things, and becomes weird old things.

Pure gold. Pure trash. That's a me(me)~!

Post conclusion time!

My computer is still acting stupid with Blogger. Life is rough. Hanging in there.. more by my fingers, to be honest.

So.. lol.. now you can say I'm "closer" with you guys now, huh? I don't care anymore, so be it, you heard my voice. So be it.

Take care of yourselves, alright? (I will too, I suppose..)

Bye.

~ Cutepups ☆

hello :'))

I was about to go to sleep, but I got informed about this website.

I am awake now! Woooooooooo!!!!

If my parents find me awake now, I'm in trouble!!!!

I love this thing!!!!????

*screams*

just kidding

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

stalk me. ahahahahhha.

the voice of hell is upon us. such boi. such.. dog. mm milk.

might delete.

i don't need to make youtube videos!!!

i have this hell instead!!!

now there's proof i'm not a middle-aged (wo)man. and not high-pitched weirdo either. or, like, a dog. cuz i'm not. this adrenaline rush. yippee!!!

the proof is upon us. hello. it's me. i sound good for once. i am so happy. now. aaaaaahhhhhh!!!

Go to at your own risk. Very scary content. Probably has scarred a few.

.........

............

...............................

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡

???????????????

¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿ 

@@@@@@@@@

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Okay. You have been warned. I have my security.

Purest evilest post you have ever seen. I swear. By far.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1FpNq2d0IUo

>8D

swag.

- - -

EDIT: Yes, that vocaroo link goes to a url where there's a recording of me talking. Like actually talking. In real life. My voice usually sounds way more horrible than it does on there. Is this an improvement of some kind, I have no idea. Haha yeah, I'm just saying hello several times. The first second.. was it suspenseful to any of you because there was no sound? Haha, I wonder.. lol. So yeah anyways, I think I have found a new blogging idea. And it's even better because my computer is so slow and so rude. (Hint: it involves this, if you know what I mean.. ;) ). I just realized I can now verify on how to pronounce my characters' names and how I pronounce them for the story. Wow, this is exciting! (For more verifying information, go here (lol): http://vocaroo.com/i/s0mTnGEAYjFA). Well, bye for now! ~ that awkward trashy girl who goes by the online nicknames Blue and Cutepups. (it me ;w;)

Technological Difficulties + Visiting the Leap Year Party

First off, my apologies for the abrupt previous post. My computer, now as slow as it is, wouldn't cooperate with me and load up Blogger (on Internet Explorer which is slow as heck) until I had to leave these non-school internet stuff in a minute. And then to go on my weekly Tuesday adventure. So, now that I have more time, I'll explain more clearly.

I quickly scribbled that message on MS Paint with the create a post screen being the background. Writing with a mouse is hard as it is, okay. Yeah, so anyways. On Chrome, which is my top internet browser for my computer (phone and iPad, too), Blogger's create a post screen crashed. And I first discovered this on Saturday. I also tried on my other Blogger blogs, and the same thing happened there. So the thing is, it usually takes a few seconds for the create a post page to fully load, so then I can type up posts, right. So now instead of loading and showing it actually is loading, it goes to an empty create a post screen and the yellow loading notification on the top stays there, and nothing changes. And, of course, I refreshed several times, but the same thing happens every time. So yeah, I don't know what the problem is. If any of you have the same issue, or you know of a way to fix this, then please inform me of it in the comments, preferably on this post.

I'm typing this post on IE, by the way. So if you couldn't read my messy writing on that Paint thing, it said (referring to my previous post): "This is how it looks on the page for creating a new post on Chrome on my computer. Sorry for the bad writing here. I first found out about it on Saturday, Feb. 27. For the time being, all computer posts will be done on IE. Here's the proof I guess. Gotta go. Bye. ~ Cutepups <3".

So yeah.. anyways! I went on AJ today to visit this (pretty disappointing tbh) Leap Year party. I've been so eager to go to this party almost ever since I joined (late 2012). Instead of all those rares/betas, it's now replaced by weird new items. Okay, start the picture roll, Precious and Gobee!

But first, here's what the goats look like. I honestly think that DA artist drew an AJ goat better than how AJ itself did. Not saying AJ should've copied that artist's design for an AJ goat. Like at least their goat had good anatomy, and not this crappy trend AJ is doing with new animals where the animal's head is the same size or larger than the rest of the animal's body. Just my opinion, guys. Please don't hurt me...

 

 

Now onto the party...

 

OMG IT'S ON!!!!1

 

Dem frogs tho. The party doesn't even have special party music.. pfft. Just Sarepia Forest music in a treehouse den. Not the most creative, I must say. Especially how AJHQ had 4 years to create this party. I'm pretty sure AJHQ rushed while creating this. (Haha, sorry, I'm just pretty disappointed.. I've been excited for this party ever since I started AJ. And it ended up this way. What a bummer. :c)

 

AJ is overboard with the leap-frog puns. Very weird frog den items here. A frog TV with the frog's mouth being the screen. Okay, the frog plushie looks a little cute. A frog chair with the frog's tongue being the seat. The other three aren't as bad, I think..? (I'm rich on gems >:3)

 

A frog lily tea set. With spilled popcorn as a bonus. I was eating popcorn a few hours ago.. lolnoonecareswhydoievenbother.

 

Aww, Precious is having a conversation with another dog-wolf. (woof, woof). That monkey looks like a queen. And that pink wolf is flying. lol jk :p

 

And here are the clothing items. Weird head items. And that name, fluffy fox head, and the fact that the only color option for that item is it looking like a real fox.. how violent, AJ. I still bought it though. Well, to compare it to my regular (I mean rare lol) light blue fox hat.

 

They look exactly the same as fox hats when worn. But in the inventory, this fox head item is slightly bigger than the fox hat item.

 

Decorations. There are no T-shirts in the shops, AJ. Stop with your advertising lies! >:U

 

The top room, which leads to a leafy slide that brings you back down to the ground outside the treehouse.

 

And those are all the pictures I bothered to take of this party.

 

Pfft.. who am I kidding?

At this point, anyways.

 

Now I'll conclude this post with my most recent Thoughts... thing (haha so funny rite):

 

Time to hide back inside my garbage can and figuratively scream into the void because everything I say on here ends up embarrassing me. 

 

My honest opinion of everything I do on here. Such regret, such embarrassment. :'))

 

Oh well, I'm still here because I somehow enjoy suffering by still being on this lame excuse for a blog.

 

Just being truthful here, guys.

 

.