I'm the trash of disappointment lol.
Why am I here again? Uh...
Oh yeah! Last post just so happened to be my Sa(y)tan post. Why did I put a (y) there. Um sure. That was my 666th post. 666. (y)
Listen to the music. Join me in my music fandoms trashcan. Join me as we discuss sad songs. Just do it, oh my god.
I feel like I'm speaking to a wall. In real life, on this blog.. yeah.
I barely pass as a decent person lol. Among the pitiful. Too pathetic and sensitive for life. The baddest of the bad at everything club is run by me. I fail at leading it, don't get me wrong. *cough cough cough*
Goddamnit, I just can't take a break from screaming internally at myself and everything else in this cruddy world. Stop showing off irl people, I know you're better than me. Gosh.. stop it. Just stop.
Like how. How?!?!? How can people be happy every day all throughout the day? Because I don't get it. Politics is just one huge nightmare. Every kid at school ends up being a piece of shiz. Teachers are biased. Etc., etc. The world itself.. it's so upsetting what's happening in reality. How are they always happy?! Is it because they're never alone and don't have the insecurities I do? Like what is it, man?!
Today's St. Patrick's Day. No difference. Except no playing instruments in band class today (because of the competition yesterday). It's the same world suffering and self suffering every day. I'm out of luck, I don't give a ...
lol oh wait oops
I hope no kid shows their parent this blog. Because that'll be very bad. I sometimes think about life and death and dying, but I'd rather not be killed by aggravated little kids' parents because I quit AJ a while ago and turned this blog into personal trash.
I haven't posted a new chapter in so long. Wow! And Blogger is shiz on my computer.
Dawn is getting to be one of my favorite characters, to be honest. Like.. she's awesome. I love her. Twinkle.. well.. she's so weak and such a complainer. And Duke is such a dramatic crybaby. And Fierdan is just a poor lost misunderstood soul. And the past (what happened, what they made him do) messed him up so bad. For the millionth (or less) time, he doesn't have those things because of what he did. Actions alone, especially the bad, don't completely define who a person is. It's more than that. The past itself with what happened (in the worlds, to his body) and what he did messed him up. The past. He doesn't have those things only because he was forced to do horrendous things and be heartless for them.
Dawn and Fierdan were so cute together. Before it really started to go downhill to rockbottom, their relationship was adorable. Even when they're not even adorable themselves. He hated everyone else, but Dawn. And then Twinkle intrudes. And Dawn.. hhhhhng. She's awesome.
How and why she did all that stuff for him, and then for them. She's such a great character. Really.
I kinda do want to type up a new chapter, but I didn't have the motivation to actually go on with it in so long. Even during the times I posted the last few chapters. Writing it makes me feel so bad and guilty with everything that has already happened. But like, I have to continue it to come out clean and explain it all so it's justified.. storywise, I guess.
Their views for each other probably has changed. After everything that happened and what he done, things can't really be the same as it's always been between them. Duke and Twinkle. Remind me on what I'm saying here. Please do lol a lot's on my mind.
Well...
Thanks for being here.
Someone must be out there reading this.
Someone somewhere.. I know it.
Today felt like a Friday earlier. But it's only Thursday.
Peace,
~ Cutepups ♡
Well, I still check your blog everyday. I just don't comment because...well, the misery of life. Things are going downhill. It's like I'm rowing a boat uphill but there is no river. I'm just a weirdo who's using a paddle to try to climb on a hill. Well. I'm on spring break and I'm slowly going insane. Maybe I should make a blog just to dump my pathetic feelings there. Well, maybe you should just take Dawn and free her into a new story. Toodles, Cutepups. May the squad find us on a new day. (Also: Truth really loves the songs in Hamilton)
ReplyDeleteYeah.. dumping out feelings is really the only thing I do on here anymore lol. Sometimes it's like it's going to be okay, that I forgot the things from the past that are bad.. but then it comes back over and over again. I'm just really jealous of all those chill and happy and social people irl I guess because it's not like I can ever be like them lol. Ooh yay.. good.. that's good.. yes.
DeleteOh well, I try to not look back at the past anymore. Because that's old me, I can't change the dumb things I did. Only plow on to a new tommorow, Cutepups. Well, we all have our strengths..yes..
DeleteIf it was only that easy.. to forget. Even remembering the good parts of the past make me feel sad. One second, fine.. the next, suddenly remembering said past events. I want to change just about everything about me though. Tomorrows are always bland and the same.m except no school on some days which isn't that bad. ..what.. Pathetic chatting and writing? A very boring but funny person? That's really all I'm still good at. That requires at least a little bit of effort for myself.
DeleteYou don't actually know for certain that they're always happy. They might have like, one second of unhappiness or something.
ReplyDeleteAnd even if they were always happy then it wouldn't make much of a difference if they never experinced unhappiness.
Maybe they have a nightmare? Since we don't remember much about our dreams anyway.
I read your blog everyday.
And well... What about Ardere?
True, true.. but believe me, I know. Yes, some of the more tolerable "happy" people (aka 98% of kids in my school) hide their personal issues and unhappiness most of the time but let it out some times. But most people (especially girls it seems)? No. Everything is just great.. so great for them that of course they don't have a reason to ve anything but happy/humorous/"love" obsessed. And I'm sick of it. And now I know these obnoxious "happy" people make fun of me behind my back. So.. isn't school great? Oh and "friends" don't give a damn about me except when it comes to schoolwork.. that's fricking great. So.. no. I know some people hide their unhappiness by pretending to be happy.. but the people I've had to deal with this school year? Almost none of them are like that. Now I'm even annoyed at my "friends" because they're so happy and have someone who loves them.. meanwhile I don't even know if I have any irl friends that aren't just bs. Nightmare? Pfft, like that means anything to them. They have their significant other to snuggle and comfort them.. all is better. I don't and never did have any of that. Parents.. nope. Any person irl.. nope. My pets.. yes. I've had more unsettling dreams/nightmares than positive ones for some months now. Like it's all good, then hour before school, it changes into embarrassments and bad memories.. next thing is only remembering the nightmare part when I wake up. Thanks.. it's like I need validation that someone actually cares about me and doesn't leave me in the dust. I dunno..
Delete98% being happy people in general, I mean.
DeleteI don't have any irl friends either. Not at school at least. I possibly have one but so might just see me as an acquaitance.
DeleteIt's almost holidays for you though isn't it?
Yeah.. at the end of this upcoming week.
Delete