Thoughts I've had about people (mostly online) for quite a while. It is fictional. The only "true" thing about it is (a) my feelings that the narrative says, and (b) I once had a week or nearly a week in 2012 where there was no electricity due to a hurricane (yeah, that east coast one.. ha ha).
But away from that, I don't feel that cruddy for no logical reason today. Or yesterday either. Today has been good. Chemistry class was actually fun today (I mean the teacher was absent, but.. yeah, haha, fun). It feels like it's summer while it's still winter again. Climate change is happening and is real, guys. Global warming is happening and is real, guys. Be aware. Yesterday was Women's Day and Free Pancake Day (at IHOP.. yum.. I went there yesterday.. donated too.. good).
I also have been hearing these pop songs playing (pretty softly) for at least two hours now. I'm not listening to any music right now, and no one in my family is playing this kind of music. So.. I'm guessing some neighbors are blasting music..? Yeah probably.. I don't know. I'm confused.
I was expecting some angry comments for the past few posts. Because I'm me, and I think that. But I didn't get any. You guys are cool. Thanks.
This isn't a continuation story. It's just a random story thing I typed up today and uploaded to my DeviantArt.
I'm probably going to be going on here, DA, and other sites you know me on less often in the next few months. Because, school. But other non-school stuff, too. Like getting ready for that religious thing has officially started now. And also because I want to dedicate more time to myself to indulge myself in fandoms (books/manga, TV shows/anime, movies, plays, music). And improve at.. life. Because I suck at life. I really do.
Comment what stuff you're interested in. Like if you want to. I don't know anymore, honestly guys, what am I even doing, because I really don't know anymore.
Yeah, cool, okay. The writing piece!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I WISH I COULD SAVE YOU
It started one stormy night
I was standing by the window
Of my parents' house
The skies were gray
The rain pelted down
Like a million mini waterfalls all at once
The wind was blowing madly
And it was cold
Oh so very cold
On the opposite side of the window
I gazed out of at my parents' house
The hours passed by
One after the other
Midnight, one a.m., two a.m.
I lost track of the time
I was left alone as I stared out the window
The developing hurricane entranced me
A little like those beautiful tragedies
I love and hold dear
Inside all those fictional stories
The sky flashed again
But it wasn't an ordinary flash of lightning
No, something else got left behind
Or should I say a someone
In the backyard now
Which I have stared at
For hours on end
I rubbed my eyes
No, I wasn't hallucinating
Someone was out there
Standing slumped over
Letting the raindrops attack them like missiles
I don't know why but
I tapped on the glass
No response
I waved my arms
No response
I shouted
No response
The person didn't even move
It was as if that person
Was trapped in a hurricane
Little did I know
How terrible that actually meant
Another hour passed
And I had enough
I grabbed my jacket and my boots
Quickly put them on
And ran out the door
Towards that person
Standing frozen in the backyard
I thought I would get answers
But I only got more questions
I said a little "hey"
The person turned their head the slightest bit
I never was sure if that person was a
Girl, boy, something in-between, or neither
I decided to call the person, They
I asked They why they were standing alone
In my parents' backyard
At four in the morning
They gave me a solemn look and shrugged
I then offered They to come inside
I wasn't expecting an answer
"No thanks," They muttered anxiously
"Things will be better if I stay out here."
I didn't accept that as a valid reason
We argued in bare whispers
"Believe me, you'd be better off without me," They said
"At least stay for the night," I sighed
My wet clothes were clinging onto my cold thin body frame
Finally, They agreed to be took in
One night couldn't be too bad
The storm lasted far more than a few more hours
It lasted for nearly an entire week
The hurricane destroyed the electricity
At least I knew They was safe
I thought so
I was dead wrong
I nearly gave up on They
Never did I see They smile
They was just a mirror
The gloomy and depressing world outside
Was all packed inside this child
With their mess of dark brown hair
That ended abruptly at their neck
With their dull ragged clothes
That have been worn for three days straight
With their pale eyes
That were more gray than blue
Whenever I saw They
All positive thoughts vanished from my brain
I suddenly felt so depressed
Thinking about life and death
And aiming to become nothing at all
Until the day I die
One day I had enough
I rounded on They
I blamed They for the misery
The world outside, the world inside my head
But not the reasons behind why
They was miserable in the first place
That night the rain poured down
Harder than ever before
I also found They
Sprawled out on my bed
I found They crying
I never heard They so loud
Until this moment
"Why can't I just die!" I heard They cry out
The pillow their face was buried in
Muffled some of the sound
"I'm a human hurricane that just brings misery!"
I left They alone the rest of that night
The following morning
The skies cleared up
The rain stopped pouring out
By the bucketfuls
And the sun came out
For the first time in nearly a week
I felt happiness
It sure was great
I honestly thought They was
The human equivalent to this hurricane
But if that was true
They wouldn't still look so miserable
And dull, and gray, and gloomy
Especially not with eyes sparkling wet
"Hey, the storm's over, you don't have to be sad anymore,"
I said to They in an attempt of comfort
I always sucked at comforting people
And I was right
They glared at me
"Who do you think I am?" They asked
"Do you honestly think I'm sad because...
Because of the hurricane?"
I told They the truth
At first They cried
Then They laughed
Leaving me clueless and lost
Was They finally going to explain themself?
"The weather, this freaking weather, does not
Affect my mood," They said
"Rainy days don't cause sad days.
Sunny days don't mean happy days.
Rainbows don't make anything better.
It's not as easy as that.
My name is Storm.
I wish the weather affected my mood.
But the sun has risen every morning.
I haven't been happy for years.
I only know sadness, hopelessness, and emptiness."
They paused to look into my eyes and say,
"My name is Storm, a thirteen-year-old agender, with clinical depression, and I want to die."
I felt so stupid
I couldn't say a thing
I never expected They, er... Storm, to say that
I didn't know what to do
I felt so terrible
I messed up really bad
When Storm left the house
I ran and caught up with them
"What can I do to help?" I asked
"Nothing," Storm muttered
"I have to help you!"
"It's too late for that!"
"I'm so sorry, St--"
"Whatever."
"I honestly didn't know what you were going through."
"I don't care."
"It's my fau--"
"No, it's my fault."
"No, it's not, Storm!"
"I should've thanked you."
"I don't care, it's okay!"
"Thank you."
Then Storm left me standing alone in the drizzling rain
Tears were in my eyes
"I'm sorry I'm a good-for-nothing loser!
The only person I blame is myself.
I don't know how to make people feel better.
Especially when I know things can't just get better like that.
I can't even relate to what you're going through.
I want to help you, I really do.
But I don't know how to help.
I'm so sorry, Storm, please forgive me!
I wish I could save you.
But I know it's too late for me to save you.
Please don't hurt yourself.
Please don't... go.
I love you, friend."
I never saw Storm ever again.
I never knew what happened to them.
I only knew that I failed Storm,
this child I met in a storm in my parents' backyard,
this child from the sky itself.
I never even told them they had a friend- me.
They needed saving, but I could only fail them.
I'm so sorry.
I wish I could save you.
I'm sorry I failed you, friend.
Your inner storm will end one day, even if you call yourself Storm.
And I'll do whatever it takes to make sure that day isn't the day you die.
Because I always did care about you.
Ever since I laid eyes on you standing alone in the pouring rain.
And maybe before then, before our lives crossed, before I knew who you were.
Take care of yourself for me, okay kid?
Please...
I was standing by the window
Of my parents' house
The skies were gray
The rain pelted down
Like a million mini waterfalls all at once
The wind was blowing madly
And it was cold
Oh so very cold
On the opposite side of the window
I gazed out of at my parents' house
The hours passed by
One after the other
Midnight, one a.m., two a.m.
I lost track of the time
I was left alone as I stared out the window
The developing hurricane entranced me
A little like those beautiful tragedies
I love and hold dear
Inside all those fictional stories
The sky flashed again
But it wasn't an ordinary flash of lightning
No, something else got left behind
Or should I say a someone
In the backyard now
Which I have stared at
For hours on end
I rubbed my eyes
No, I wasn't hallucinating
Someone was out there
Standing slumped over
Letting the raindrops attack them like missiles
I don't know why but
I tapped on the glass
No response
I waved my arms
No response
I shouted
No response
The person didn't even move
It was as if that person
Was trapped in a hurricane
Little did I know
How terrible that actually meant
Another hour passed
And I had enough
I grabbed my jacket and my boots
Quickly put them on
And ran out the door
Towards that person
Standing frozen in the backyard
I thought I would get answers
But I only got more questions
I said a little "hey"
The person turned their head the slightest bit
I never was sure if that person was a
Girl, boy, something in-between, or neither
I decided to call the person, They
I asked They why they were standing alone
In my parents' backyard
At four in the morning
They gave me a solemn look and shrugged
I then offered They to come inside
I wasn't expecting an answer
"No thanks," They muttered anxiously
"Things will be better if I stay out here."
I didn't accept that as a valid reason
We argued in bare whispers
"Believe me, you'd be better off without me," They said
"At least stay for the night," I sighed
My wet clothes were clinging onto my cold thin body frame
Finally, They agreed to be took in
One night couldn't be too bad
The storm lasted far more than a few more hours
It lasted for nearly an entire week
The hurricane destroyed the electricity
At least I knew They was safe
I thought so
I was dead wrong
I nearly gave up on They
Never did I see They smile
They was just a mirror
The gloomy and depressing world outside
Was all packed inside this child
With their mess of dark brown hair
That ended abruptly at their neck
With their dull ragged clothes
That have been worn for three days straight
With their pale eyes
That were more gray than blue
Whenever I saw They
All positive thoughts vanished from my brain
I suddenly felt so depressed
Thinking about life and death
And aiming to become nothing at all
Until the day I die
One day I had enough
I rounded on They
I blamed They for the misery
The world outside, the world inside my head
But not the reasons behind why
They was miserable in the first place
That night the rain poured down
Harder than ever before
I also found They
Sprawled out on my bed
I found They crying
I never heard They so loud
Until this moment
"Why can't I just die!" I heard They cry out
The pillow their face was buried in
Muffled some of the sound
"I'm a human hurricane that just brings misery!"
I left They alone the rest of that night
The following morning
The skies cleared up
The rain stopped pouring out
By the bucketfuls
And the sun came out
For the first time in nearly a week
I felt happiness
It sure was great
I honestly thought They was
The human equivalent to this hurricane
But if that was true
They wouldn't still look so miserable
And dull, and gray, and gloomy
Especially not with eyes sparkling wet
"Hey, the storm's over, you don't have to be sad anymore,"
I said to They in an attempt of comfort
I always sucked at comforting people
And I was right
They glared at me
"Who do you think I am?" They asked
"Do you honestly think I'm sad because...
Because of the hurricane?"
I told They the truth
At first They cried
Then They laughed
Leaving me clueless and lost
Was They finally going to explain themself?
"The weather, this freaking weather, does not
Affect my mood," They said
"Rainy days don't cause sad days.
Sunny days don't mean happy days.
Rainbows don't make anything better.
It's not as easy as that.
My name is Storm.
I wish the weather affected my mood.
But the sun has risen every morning.
I haven't been happy for years.
I only know sadness, hopelessness, and emptiness."
They paused to look into my eyes and say,
"My name is Storm, a thirteen-year-old agender, with clinical depression, and I want to die."
I felt so stupid
I couldn't say a thing
I never expected They, er... Storm, to say that
I didn't know what to do
I felt so terrible
I messed up really bad
When Storm left the house
I ran and caught up with them
"What can I do to help?" I asked
"Nothing," Storm muttered
"I have to help you!"
"It's too late for that!"
"I'm so sorry, St--"
"Whatever."
"I honestly didn't know what you were going through."
"I don't care."
"It's my fau--"
"No, it's my fault."
"No, it's not, Storm!"
"I should've thanked you."
"I don't care, it's okay!"
"Thank you."
Then Storm left me standing alone in the drizzling rain
Tears were in my eyes
"I'm sorry I'm a good-for-nothing loser!
The only person I blame is myself.
I don't know how to make people feel better.
Especially when I know things can't just get better like that.
I can't even relate to what you're going through.
I want to help you, I really do.
But I don't know how to help.
I'm so sorry, Storm, please forgive me!
I wish I could save you.
But I know it's too late for me to save you.
Please don't hurt yourself.
Please don't... go.
I love you, friend."
I never saw Storm ever again.
I never knew what happened to them.
I only knew that I failed Storm,
this child I met in a storm in my parents' backyard,
this child from the sky itself.
I never even told them they had a friend- me.
They needed saving, but I could only fail them.
I'm so sorry.
I wish I could save you.
I'm sorry I failed you, friend.
Your inner storm will end one day, even if you call yourself Storm.
And I'll do whatever it takes to make sure that day isn't the day you die.
Because I always did care about you.
Ever since I laid eyes on you standing alone in the pouring rain.
And maybe before then, before our lives crossed, before I knew who you were.
Take care of yourself for me, okay kid?
Please...
OH MY GOD THE POP MUSIC IS STILL PLAYING. I'M NOT SURE WHY I CAN ONLY HEAR IT WHEN I'M IN MY ROOM. IT'S FROM OUTSIDE, AND I CAN HEAR IT ALL THE WAY UP IN MY ROOM. IT WON'T STOP.. AHHHHH!!!
ReplyDeleteOh and They is the nickname the narrator gives Storm before the narrator learns that their name is not actually They, but it's Storm.
OKAY, THE MUSIC JUST GOT LOUDER. AND I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO HEARS IT IN MY HOUSE. I WANT TO SLEEP BUT THIS IS KINDA LIKE PARTY MUSIC. AHHHHHHH
~ Cutepups @ 11:35 PM
IT'S STILL PLAYING. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Delete~ Cutepups @ 6:29 AM
It finally stopped.
Delete~ Cutepups @ 3:42 PM