Hello!

Yes, yes. Hi. Hello. I am back home unfortunately and currently feeling like trash.

Oops, my bad.

As that tumblr post says: welcome to my twisted garbage fire.

That is what this blog is all about.

I see I have a new follower. 26 now, huh? Wow, wanna be friends?

Anyway. It's 2017 now. Yay, the year of the demon has ended. 2016 is over. Will 2017 be the total opposite of 2016? I doubt it because I'm too hopeless at this point.

Hopeless. That's me now, folks. What's there to look forward to in life now? Can't look forward to spring and spring break. Taking the SAT, AP exam, and looking at colleges does not sound like fun. I don't have any fun and exciting things planned anymore. Great. Fantastic. Feeling hopeless. Hahahaha.

Shh, shh, shh. Shut up, Cutepups.

Well. Um. The vacation was pretty great. I liked it.

Went on a cruise to the Caribbean. It feels like summer over there. It's great. The beaches are great. The food is great. So cool, man. Going to beaches and swimming in the ocean in December? That was awesome. Yes, man, good times.

Now I'm sad because I'm back home where it's cold and raining. And school is tomorrow. Oh boy, school how delightful.

Ugh, I miss my pets. At least they'll be back tomorrow.

I got criticized so many times. Like man. It sucks. "Oh no, Cutepups, you screwed something up!" Like ok haha. I'm a screw up who can't do anything right? Ok gotcha. Geez man, I couldn't go a single day of this vacation without feeling embarrassed and full of regret. Can't escape the criticism and rejection. I hate this.

I couldn't post, write, or draw my feelings out for 12 days. Having no outlet to let out feelings really sucked. So yeah. I'll do it now then.

Teen Idle has been stuck in my head for the entire vacation too. Every day. I haven't even been listening to it. Eh, at least it's a good song.

I don't know.

I hope you all had a good time celebrating the holidays when I was gone. Or if you don't celebrate, that's fine too. You do you.

It was pretty cool being around people from all over the world on this cruise. Different languages, different countries. Ah yes, diversity.

Ever just look at yourself in a photo or in a mirror and feel disconnected? Like ugh, that's what I look like? Why do I look so young? Why is my body like this? Body parts? Sigh, sigh, sigh.

What even is my identity? Anyone else question theirs on a daily basis? No? Oh ok.

Haha, it sucks having no access to internet when you have resources on how to cope with certain feelings on there. And not being able to view them. Every single time, man. I feel a negative emotion intensely every time I can't access my coping resources. So like. Having things online doesn't work. Just saying. Being blamed and yelled at sure is fun. I don't forget anything, man. I hold my grudges. I know they hate me. Haha. Ha, ha. : ) 

This New Year's Eve through the New Year has been the best one I ever had probably. Because I wasn't left alone this year. It was good.

I remember last year I said it didn't feel like Christmas because the temperature was in the 60s or 70s. Haha how funny. This year's I was in temps in the 80s. Haha, what a laugh.

I'll go into more detail on another post explaining where I was and what I did for the almost 2 weeks I've been away from this blog dump.

On the flight going there, we (my family I mean) sat in front of a service dog. Yep. The dog had their own seat. It was cool. Such a good dog.

Went to Caribbean islands. Had a good time.

Now we're back home. Having to go back to normal routine schedule. Making it feel like this vacation was a fantasy. Sigh, sigh, sigh.

Um. I'm thinking of including a positivity section in my posts now. Because I'm too full of hate and that's bad but I can't stop.

Not today though.

I have to leave.

Nighty night, my dudes.

☆♡☆