I enter a room while tying my hair back. Thoughts are too much to handle. Too many things. I know too much. I shouldn't know. Why did it have to be me?
I need a break. Let me sleep.
I sit down at the couch. My head is pounding. Putting my paws against the sides of my head, I close my eyes.
There's a way out. Everything is fake. Everything that we all think is real is fake. It's nothing more than a game played by the gods.
The barrier is called the Jamaa Mist. Like a mist, it makes it foggy to see beyond the farthest star in our world.
The world we call Jamaa. The land of freedom and diversity. The vast country of different ecosystems and types of animals.
It's all so small in comparison.
And it all connects to one person.
Fierdan.
He was one of the only people who knew about it. The Jamaa Mist. The barrier between the world we thought we knew and the real one.
But when you enter Jamaa, you can't escape. You can't leave. You're stuck forever.
Fierdan told me that. If we could escape, I bet he would have a number of years ago.
But he didn't.
He can't. Not until the task is completed. Then not only can he leave, but the rest of us.
It still was shocking seeing such a dark character be with me, such a light character. I thought he tried to kill me or my sister. I thought I killed him.
I guess we both can't truly die as easily as we both initially thought.
My eyes suddenly open.
I see a guy sitting at a table at the opposite side of the room. His bright eyes stare me down.
"Hello," he says, "let's play a game."
I reluctantly get up. "What is it now, Eternal?"
When I reach the table, he places a box on it. Dust comes out. I cough.
"Chess," he says with a beaming face.
I look at the box. What even is this?
"Chess?" I say, watching Eternal open the box.
Out comes a board that's decorated in a black and purple checkered pattern. Then a set of various shapes. Half of them are white, and half of them are black.
He organizes the figures so that half are on his side and half on mine.
"Let's play."
I feel so stupid right now.
"Sorry to break it to you, but being blind has made me unable to play this game you call 'chess'," I say.
Eternal, however, completely ignores me. Instead, he places one of his white figures onto a black square.
I copy him. Picking up the same figure that he did but in black, I place it on the same square he did on my side.
Several minutes later, he looks up at me. "All phantoms and enemies to society deserve to be punished. Every rebel deserves death. Don't you agree, my sweet angel?"
I push my chair back. "My name is Fauna."
I leave the game behind.
I hear Eternal from behind me.
"You forfeit? I guess that must mean justice is the winner. Meanwhile any traitor has been brutally defeated."
I walk closer to the door.
"Justice shall prevail!"
I gulp and exit the room.
DAWN
Wow, how could I forget? He's in there. Of course he is. He has to be.
"Twinkle!"
"Ugh, what time is it?" she says as she gets to her feet.
I smile. "It's sunrise. Dawn."
"Haha, very funny. You woke me up just to tell me that? How fascinating."
I grab her paw. "There's a place we haven't checked yet."
"Where?" she yawns. "You know where he is?"
In defeat, I say, "Well, I'm not certain. But hey, it's worth a try!"
It takes us a little while to reach it, but we reach it nonetheless.
"A shack? You put him in a shack? Are you serious?" Twinkle says, rolling her eyes.
I don't answer her. Instead, I run to the door. I open it as fast as I can.
I step into the shack. I flicker on the lights.
I don't find Duke anywhere in the small building. I do find his clothes in a pile on the floor. The black ones.
Leaving them there, I exit the shack. Where could he be? He better--
Oh no.
"Duke is such an idiot," I mutter under my breath. Louder, I say to Twinkle, " Duke left the place. He's no longer here."
Why did he abandon his black clothes? I would expect him to leave behind the red clothes. I have a lot of questions for him, that's for sure.
The next thing I know is seeing Twinkle exit the shack holding the black pants, shirt, and jacket in her arms.
How could he leave his jacket? I conclude that he must have been expecting to come back. Something prevented him from doing so. Or, rather, someone.
I can't help but stare at the jacket. The jacket of the concealed black flames.
Twinkle takes off her own and wraps it around her waist. She drops the shirt and pants to the ground.
I look at her. She doesn't look back at me.
Instead, she bites her lip.
She puts her arms through the sleeves.
Looking up away from the ground, I see her eyes flash a bright blue. Those blazing blue eyes.
I don't know why, but I feel scared. Twinkle is wearing the jacket of black flames. Aren't they dangerous for her? Can only Duke wear this jacket? Others may have touched it, but what about wearing it?
I feel stupid for not knowing.
I feel stupid for not doing anything when he had the glint of death in his blazing amber eyes.
He's crazy.
I'm crazy.
What even is normal? I lost that definition long ago.
I focus back on Twinkle.
She is smiling.
TWINKLE
I can't really find words to explain why I decided to put on Duke's jacket. The thought just came to me. And by impulse, I acted on it.
All I want is to be Duke's counterpart. Anything to be his equal. Me, not this stranger dressed in green.
I want to be a blue version of him.
As soon as I find a pair of scissors, I'm cutting my hair off.
I want to be him. No, more powerful than him. My Elemental Power is more important and powerful than his. Than his and Dawn's combined.
I hate how everything is focused on him. Everything has to be about him. Nothing is ever about me. No one gives a darn about me.
He once called me a star. The voices in my head have referred to me as a star on multiple occasions.
I deserve to be treated like a star.
I'm a star. A blazing ball of light. I'm important.
I deserved to have so much more than this. My life deserved to be better. I deserved so much better.
And then just like that, it happens.
The ice blue light that shoots out from under both my shoulders feels different this time. For one, it doesn't feel like ice. It feels like fire.
The wings move just as smoothly as Duke's do. They don't bring me any warmth though. I still feel that familiar chill in my spine.
Ice and fire. Both in one.
The cold fire feels so refreshing. My tail being free feels so refreshing. Everything is so refreshing. This feels great.
I extend my wings out. I let the tips of my fingers brush against the middle of the wings.
I laugh. "Hey Dawn, having an aerial-based Elemental Power feels incredible!"
She looks up at me. No, over my head. "I bet it is."
Dawn hesitates before taking a step back. "Your hair, it's..."
With a feeling of panic, I ask, "Yeah, my hair? What's wrong with it?"
Taking a moment to collect her words, she says, "It looks brighter. It's as if it's glowing blue. Other than that, more parts of your hair look orange. Mostly at your roots. It looks beautiful, Twinkle."
I smile bigger. The next minute, Dawn knocks me to the ground and tears the jacket off me.
With it come the wings. My blue wings go away as soon as the jacket is off of me. My eyes and hair feel dull again. I sigh in disappointment.
"Thank goodness," Dawn says, "that was a close one."
Confused, I question her. "A close what? Why did you do that? Could you leave me be instead of ruining everything for me for just once?"
Taking a step away from me again, she mumbles, "Oh, I was just keeping you safe."
I urge her to explain what she meant by that.
"I saw the tiniest bit of black begin to appear in the wings. As well as in your eyes. And, you know, black. You know what that means, don't you?"
I nod. Of course I do. Black flames. The most toxic flames. The flames of instant death when come in contact with.
Dawn continues. "Black flames mixing with your flames just spells disaster. Yours are just about twice as powerful as Duke's regular orange flames. Ice-fire. Blue, the hottest color, resulting in having the coldest fire. Even I am not certain on how powerful and dangerous your blue flames are alone."
Still holding a grudge, I nod.
Dawn picks up the clothes.
"Let's go."
DUKE
Throughout the car ride, I've been avoiding looking at her. No, this isn't painful. It's very uncomfortable though.
I keep the sunglasses on. I refuse to take them off. The scenery we pass by looks unnaturally dark because of the sunglasses, but I don't care. I'm not taking them off.
I should just open the passenger door and hope another car comes to run me over.
I hate how I'm too much of a coward to.
"Duke, come on. I don't mean you any harm."
I lost count of how many times I already heard her say that during this single car ride.
I can't take it anymore. For the first time, I speak back to her.
"Just so we're clear, Calliah," I feel good inside watching my mother wince as I call her Calliah instead of 'mom', "I'm just staying in this car with you because I don't value my life anymore. No, I don't completely trust you. Yes, I'm still hurt and not suddenly over all you did to me. I don't forgive so easily. Especially not to you."
After a minute, she admits it. "Okay, that's okay. I don't deserve an apology so suddenly. I'm just so, so sorry for being bad to you. Being me, I should have been a better person. You deserved to be protected by me. I am so sorry."
Wait, what?
"Hold on, what do you mean? Protecting me?"
Calliah grips the wheel harder. "I'll tell you at a later time."
After hours of keeping the sunglasses on, I take them off and place them in my lap. "No, tell me now."
She sighs. "It's not a good time, Duke."
Being the stubborn person I am, I say, "No. You'll better tell me now or else I'll kill you right now."
I grin after I say that. I wanted to see her dead for so long. But to kill her myself? It feels amazing.
She laughs. I did not expect this response. "You? Kill me? You're funny, Duke. I thought you saw me injure those two in the navy blue suits back there. Last time I checked, I'm the one with the weapons. You, I'm afraid, have none."
My face feels hot. "Yeah, and I'm the one with the flames. Black flames at that. Which could be fatal to the slightest touch by someone who is not me."
Calliah continues laughing. "Yeah, but my Dukey sweet, you aren't wearing any of your black clothes. Your black jacket isn't on your body."
My jacket? Oh shoot, I must have forgotten it. The thought of someone other than myself wearing it makes me feel as if there's a knot in my stomach.
Then I remember. If I remember correctly, the first time black flames appeared was when I stood naked in front of a mirror.
Well, technically the first time was the Night of the Black Flames. But apart from that, I think that was the first time my wings turned fully black.
Hearing her call me 'Dukey sweet' makes me want to choke. It leaves a vile taste in my mouth.
"I could have made flames, including black ones, appear even without clothes on. I could easily take my shirt off right now, and make black wings shoot out."
"Stop trying to scare me. You're only embarrassing yourself."
I swear under my breath.
"However, you could take your shirt off. I have to talk to you about something."
Feeling offended, I exclaim, "What? No!"
Calliah parks the car at the side of the road. We're still in the middle of nowhere. Great.
She looks me in the eye. "Duke, listen to me. Fierdan alone is still an evil being who likes to take advantage of you. He loves to be the victim. He still refuses to accept that he killed lots and lots of people."
I interrupt her. "Yeah, I know. He blames it on Soulless. That piece of- you know what- has been controlling Fierdan and made him kill all those people. In fact, they made him create me. I know it all already. Soulless lives deep inside my heart. Soulless is the worst."
"Yes, Duke, Soulless is terrible. But you don't have to be so stubborn and refuse to believe that Fierdan is also bad. Duke, he hasn't told you everything. That is how he is taking advantage of you. Did he tell you about a plan he had that involved him and you meeting in person?"
I nod. How does she know this? I have no idea.
"I bet he didn't tell you this. You don't have to kill yourself in order to defeat Soulless and make your soul be with Fierdan's again. Duke, you don't deserve to be forced to commit suicide for the greater good."
I look at my feet swinging back and forth. "No, that's the only way for it to work. There's this special ritual and a special weapon is involved and it has to be at my heart where the flame mark is. And who said I wanted to stay alive? I want to die, okay? Okay, mom? Your son wants to die."
Before she says anything, she gives me a hug. She doesn't let go. I feel myself starting to panic, yet this feels nice. So this is a mother's hug. What a foreign concept.
Her breath warms my neck. "No. Oh gosh no. It's not okay. It will never be okay. I'm only starting to be the mother you deserved to have. This can't end so quickly."
"Since when did you ever care about me? You suddenly pretend to care when I tell you I have, and want, to kill myself? What the heck is wrong with you?"
She still does not let go of me. I am thankful for that.
"There's the option of getting a heart transplant. You could get rid of your heart in exchange of someone else's. Then you can stay alive."
"And who in their right mind would give me their heart? You? I have to be dead so my soul can combine with Fierdan's in order to be able to leave Jamaa. Yeah, that isn't an option. We can't afford to stay in Jamaa. None of us do. We're all in danger. Even you, mom."
"Alright, alright. You still don't have to die by suicide. I could kill you instead. I've hated you for so long, you've hated me for so long, it shouldn't hurt that much. Besides, I'm part phantom too. That makes it even better."
That option actually makes me think about it. That could be an effective option. Murder instead of suicide. It could work.
I have to make sure it's okay first. I need Fierdan's permission first. I have to meet with him, so I guess that's important. Isn't it?
Calliah is part phantom. Huh?
"Why do you think you have the phantom flame covering your heart? Why did you think I was the only one who could see it? Why did you think I refused for your father to see it? Why did you think I killed him? I had to- for our sakes!"
Wait, hold on, what?
"I killed him. I'm a murderer too. You know him, right? Working with the fox government, having extremist views against phantoms and anyone who opposes the government. He was beginning to know too much about me. But more importantly, about you. Fierdan has a bad reputation in Jamaa's history. People feel unsafe knowing there's a living Fierdan- you- among them. People don't want history to be repeated, so they want you to suffer and die. You aren't safe, Duke. You're in danger. If I hadn't killed him first, he would have definitely killed you already. Duke, I love you so much. I really do. I know you don't believe me, but I really do mean it. Eternal couldn't afford to stay alive on my watch if he knew both his wife and son have phantom characteristics in their blood. And, oh gosh, especially you. Fierdan was like the leader of the phantoms. He made them turn evil and against Jamaa."
I am at a loss for words. She killed my dad because he found out my whole identity, making him suddenly start hating me?
He's against phantoms. I'm a type of phantom. Mom is also a type of phantom. And why is that? Those two. Of course. Soulless and Fierdan.
He's against rebels. I'm a type of rebel. So is Twinkle. Dawn also is. Who knows how many more. My best guess is everyone who has an Elemental Power is automatically someone my father despises.
Oh shoot. Fauna is one of them. She lives with him up in heaven.
The idea of someone hating Fauna makes me want to hurt that someone until they can't stop bleeding.
And I'm the one who took part in killing her. I killed her. Yet the idea of anyone hurting her doesn't settle well with me. I'm such a freaking hypocrite.
No. I can't live with the thought of someone hurting the ones I love.
No one can hurt them more than I can.
I won't allow it.
I'll gladly kill anyone who even tries.
Calliah tells me to take my shirt off again so she can look at the phantom flame on my heart. This time, I take it off.
With my right paw on my heart, I breathe in and out. And then the flames come out.
The orange gradually turns black. But this time around, I like that.
Her reaction at seeing my black fire is priceless.
After a few minutes, I get rid of the flames.
I think I'm finally beginning to be able to control my flames.
I smile and give my mom a hug.
I even tell her this.
"I love you."
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