"So incompetent, you couldn't do it yourself."
I sit down on the ground. It's been around a hundred years, and he couldn't defeat Soulless.
I wrap a blanket tighter around me. "All this time I thought the first was more strong than I'll ever be. If he never stood up for himself against Soulless, then that makes me stronger than he ever was."
Finally, I'm dominating you now. There's nothing you can do about it now. Soulless, you're going down before me this time.
I order Night Crow to come. A little black bird is the only one who stays loyal. How pathetic.
Following him, however, I sense Duke's presence. Duke? I didn't invite him. Did he really provoke my mind this time around?
"Um," he stutters, "F-Fierdan. I... I..."
Night Crow perches on my right shoulder as I stand up. The blanket falls off me.
"What is it, Duke?"
Under his breath, he asks, "Where's Soulless? Are they gone?"
Rolling my eyes, I say, "We've been over this. I shut down their ability to invade the circuits in my brain. They're trapped now. The only trace of Soulless here is you, Duke. When are you going to do it?"
He looks at his paws. "Yeah, uh, about that. Well, you see, I've been wondering if I have to..."
"Yes, you have to die. We made a deal, Duke."
"I... I know. I just want to know if someone can kill me instead. You know, another way for me to die than me killing myself."
I go up to him. My paw touches his cheek; my thumb holds up his head. "You still have a lot to learn, Duke."
He's shaking. How sweet.
"Being killed is not the only way someone can die."
He looks confused. "What do you mean? How else am I supposed to die for you?"
I grin and dig my claws into his skin. He doesn't even flinch. "That's right, Duke. You're going to have to die. However, getting killed is not the only way to die. And remember, you're dying not just for me. For us."
"Okay. For us. I'm dying for the both of us."
I loosen my grip on Duke. "According to the plan, there's an alternate route we can take. Technically, I will only need your soul for us to be united as one person. Soulless can stay and die in your heart, and we can leave the rest of your body with it. In other words, your body can stay together if I can think of a way to separate your soul from your body."
"No, I want my heart torn apart. I want to see Soulless destroyed, not with the rest of my body. I want Soulless to get out of me."
I stare directly into his eyes. "I only need your soul. Your body will immediately die when your soul escapes it. Killing yourself, or someone killing you, is unnecessary."
Duke wraps his fingers around my wrist, and my paw goes off his cheek. He glares at me. "Hypocrite. You're nothing but a filthy hypocrite, Fierdan."
Night Crow flies away.
"You want me to die, right? Then why are you suddenly against me getting killed? Isn't that what you wanted, Fierdan?"
My gaze doesn't waver. "Your soul, Duke, your soul is all I need."
"I thought you wanted to see me kill myself. I guess I was wrong."
Not knowing what to say, I just continue staring at him. Not as fiercely though.
"Ugh," he mutters as he kicks up some black goop.
It takes me a few more minutes for me to gather what I want to say. "I never said that plan is wrong. I'm just telling you that's not the only one."
Duke? Did he really leave just now? Wow, you've got to be kidding me.
I sit down again, this time with my eyes closed.
It's too unrealistic to happen.
I'm too attached to you, my creation.
Too fond of you to let you go.
Sorry, I only make things worse for us.
I just want to know if you can die...
By love.
By me taking your soul out of your body myself.
It won't happen though.
You always want to do things the most violent way, right?
It's okay. I won't stop you from getting unnecessarily hurt.
DUKE
"Duke, Duke!"
A voice. I can't tell who it is.
I'm drifting off again.
Nothing. I have nothing. I have no one.
I can't even trust myself.
Calliah was right. Who am I to trust Fierdan? He can't even answer a simple question.
I can't trust anyone. I can't trust her.
What if she's actually been driving me to the Tall Tower this whole time? Was I too blind to notice?
You've hurt me. You left me with scars. I hate you. I love you.
I can't trust myself.
I loved dad. I hated you, mom.
Now you tell me he actually hates who I am?
Fierdan, why do you have to take everything good away from me?
I want to die because of you. Now you don't want me to die.
Who even are you?
I don't know myself at all.
"Duke!"
That voice again.
"You're shaking, dear."
I open my eyes. It's Calliah, my mother.
I let my head go back, and I look at the car's ceiling. Gray.
"I'm sorry I hated you for so long. I hated having to, in a way, be Fierdan's mother. I hate him, Duke, so I'm sorry."
All these sorries. Sorry this, sorry that. Empty apologies.
I slightly nod my head. I remain leaned back, imagining the gray ceiling is a black sky scattered with stars.
"Mom, where are we going?" I ask, my voice sounding distant. "You're not lying to me, are you? You're not taking me to the Tall Tower, right?"
"No, of course not. You can trust me, Duke. I swear."
If only gaining your trust can be that easy.
"I've done so many bad things."
Calliah faces me. "That's okay, Duke."
I face her. "No, it's not okay."
It will never be okay.
I only end up hurting people, or I get hurt myself.
Twinkle...
After all I've done, how can I carry on living freely?
I have the feeling she knows.
That I lie to her again and again.
I told her I love her.
What kind of person does that?
Only a few days after kissing her, I go kiss someone else again and again.
I haven't said anything, but I know she knows.
Remove any body part of mine that hurt her.
Get rid of me.
I told her that hurting herself is bad.
That not wanting to be alive is bad.
And yet here I am doing just that.
What kind of person am I?
A freaking liar; a freaking hypocrite.
That's all I'll ever be.
I don't feel the car moving. Didn't she just start driving again?
"Put your sunglasses on, Duke," I hear her say.
I put them on. When we're outside, I grab onto her paw.
Phantoms. Phantoms are everywhere.
"Where is everyone?" I say, looking all around me. I don't see a single fox anywhere.
"The center of fox territory has been taken over by the phantoms," Calliah says.
"So we're all the way back home, huh?"
She just looks at the cloud of phantoms in the distance. "There's no home left to go back to."
"Then how did you and the guys in the suits drive out of here? Isn't the Tall Tower nearby?"
"We had to drive through phantoms."
I nod. She lied to me, didn't she? She's only here to break me. I'm not going there. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not.
I let go of her paw. I run away from her. I head straight for the phantoms.
I'm no better than a phantom. I'm just another one of them.
They disappear as soon as I run past them.
I suddenly stop.
No way...
"I thought I wouldn't see you again, Duke."
Speechless, I can only stare at them.
Calliah stands next to me. I feel weird. With her by my side, I feel safer than being by myself.
Oh gosh, I missed him so much.
"Finny," I breathe before stepping closer to him.
He says my name. He hugs me. He's so happy to see me.
They're all so happy. It makes me feel sick.
I'm leaving soon. I have to die soon. I don't care what Fierdan, or Calliah, says. I'm going out my way.
I get pulled down by the weight of guilt. I'm not even going to tell any of them. They don't have to know a thing.
I step back and take notice in the two other foxes that stand next to him.
I growl under my breath. It's those two. They hurt her far more than I ever did.
Calliah grabs onto my paw. "Be respectful," she whispers.
Before I can say anything to either of them, they start throwing questions at me.
"Where is our daughter?" "Is she okay?" "How is she?"
Twinkle...
I'm so sorry.
I can't answer any of their questions. I don't know what to say. We haven't seen each other in weeks.
I can't take it anymore. I start running off again. Behind me, I hear Calliah apologize for me.
I can't understand their words anymore. I'm so far away.
I don't care anymore. I let the orange flames come out.
A minute later, I'm off the ground.
I let my wings take me away.
I face them, and then I leave them all again.
CALLIAH
"Whoa," the three of them gasp in unison.
"What's with him running off when I ask him about Twinkle?" her dad asks.
What to say, what to say...
"They've been through a lot," I tell them.
"We're just so worried about her. As a mother, don't you feel the same way?"
I can't relate to them at all. I just nod my head.
I cut Finny away from them. We talk in whispers.
After a few minutes, I tell Twinkle's parents that I have to leave.
Their facial expressions look so worried. Concerned parents. Yet again, I can't relate.
I run down street after street, passing many phantoms along the way.
"Duke, where are you?" I call out to the sky.
What did I do wrong?
Everything.
I find him.
Walking with a wolf pup.
ARDERE
I smile at him. So this is the Duke?
"So are you telling me you know where Twinkle is?" he asks.
"That's right. I do!" I say happily.
He doesn't look like he likes happiness that much.
"And you have an Elemental Power yourself? You, a wolf?" he says, rolling his eyes.
"Yep, I do! Lightning."
"Cool."
We walk in silence for a while.
One day, you'll love me like a brother.
I'm sure of it.
However, today is not the day.
TWINKLE
Guilt is tearing me apart. What if he knows? How would he react after finding out? I was wearing his jacket.
Why did I do that?
You want people to have their breath taken away when their eyes lie on you. You want people to feel something other than pity when they see you. You want to mean something. Twinkle, you want to be just like Duke. You want to be like him so much that he can only notice you. You want to be his other half.
Halves. Fire. Hot orange. Cold blue.
I want to escape this, but no matter how hard I try I can't. At this point, I can't understand why I feel that we have such a connection with each other. After everything, that close connection is still there.
You and Duke are like non-biological siblings. One fire from Zios; one fire from Mira. Orange and blue. A sister; a brother. You two are so similar and yet total opposites. Your connection is very complex. Always complimenting each other's half.
I bite my lip. I go to Dawn.
"What is it?" she yawns.
"I need something to calm me down. Perhaps you could make me some of that tea you always seem to make for Duke?"
She stretches and smiles. "No, just take a nap."
A nap? You've got to be kidding me, Dawn.
I end up taking a nap.
The same mysterious music is playing. This time, however, it sounds as if only a piano is being played.
My eyes flash open.
An empty ballroom. The room stretches out in all directions. It never ends. It just goes on and on.
Something in my heart tells me to dance. I step onto the dance floor.
I haven't danced in so long. Have I ever danced? What am I even doing?
Minutes pass by.
I don't know why, but I feel like leaping into the air.
Going down, I feel very different. My hair feels shorter. I'm wearing a pale blue dress.
Right before I step onto the floor, I go up again. Two blue fire wings.
A toe touches the floor, and then I go up flying again.
I even let myself fall headfirst before letting my wings pick me up again.
I spin and flip in midair.
I feel incredible. Nothing, and no one, can stop me now.
Then the music slightly changes.
Someone else is here.
The next thing I know is being swept off my feet. Not by my wings this time either.
He's in a red tuxedo. His orange fire wings make him able to fly higher and higher. Even when carrying me.
His eyes are entirely black. He opens his mouth but doesn't say a word.
We dance together, yet we never say a word.
Some time passes before I lose count on how many times we flew up and back down again.
One time before we go down, we kiss.
We separate. We fly in opposite directions.
Then we meet on the floor. We kiss again.
He leaves in orange flames.
I wake up with my heart racing.
I tell Dawn that my stomach hurts. This time she makes me a cup of mint tea.
It tastes so good.
I'm not going to sleep again.
I want to say the dream disturbed me, but I enjoyed it.
Why am I like this? I don't want that.
I lie down at night looking at all the stars.
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