... *hold up*
Hi. Hope you enjoy the pictures I put in the last post. I was a little sad on Friday; I was a lot more sad on Sunday. I'm still sad. But I'm not stressed over my classes today (Tuesday), so I feel a little better. There's no assignment I have to finish in the morning before class. That's a first. It feels nice. I can sleep in.
... *ok*
The "white room, white floor, white walls, etc." in my most recent skit is something I put in the skit intentionally. It's a reference to a poem I wrote in December, and to be honest, I still like it quite a lot.
It's about Danny's (aka story 2 Post-Fierdan) PTSD and his issues with his past nickname (Fierdan).
;~; <3 ;-;
I love how I ended it so much. He's always going to be haunted. Even after years of being in "recovery" he's still haunted by his past. (ahh, my boy! </3 ;;,)
Well anyway... *ahem*
May skits appreciation moments:
• Unknown (talking to Fierdan): .... "You can't just hide behind a mask of nicknames forever, you know. Accepting and reclaiming your own nickname for yourself means nothing. Want to know what will? *goes up close to his head* Taking pride in your real name. You can't hide away forever, Daniel."
I feel like I have to constantly remind myself that Fierdan is nothing more than a nickname. Fierdan is an alias, and it relates to fear. By pronunciation, by the fear he felt/feels, by the fear he wants other people to feel. Fierdan, in a way, is a way for him to be tougher and different from the mundane.
Fierdan really just means "fears Dan" and "Fier" is a play on the word, "Fire".
I think it's ironic for some reason. The actual name in Fierdan is in the last three letters. However, there's more emphasis in the pronunciation in the first four letters.
His name is really just Dan. Or Danny. (Because I like saying "ee" at the end of words, and Danny sounds cuter than just saying Dan.)
So yes. It's pretty funny how he really just has such a mundane name. It's not that special of a name.
He likes "hiding behind" all his nicknames (Danny, Fierdan, Dan) because he hates and refuses to be called Daniel. He has bad memories linked to hearing "Daniel" because his father basically ruined that name for him.
And in a way, that's also ironic. His mother told Z (aka the father) that she would name him. She named him Daniel. She did that with the intention that she didn't want him to have a special name (unlike his brother, Ryen.. which is also a nickname but I won't get into that now).
But Z still ruined his name. So he distanced himself away from birthname. He hides "Daniel" away by always having masks of nicknames covering it.
Names, huh..
• "[There's a white void, which I just said. There are three boys sitting and facing forward. Their faces look.. blank. Suddenly, the boy on the left receives multiple gunshots. Then the boy in the middle is surrounded by a dark smoke, and he soon loses the ability to breathe. The boy on the right suddenly gets a sharp object lodged into his chest, and then the blade becomes visible again from just below the back of the boy's left shoulder.]"
I know I focused on the italics part of the "Darkness is Where the Demons Play" skits, but I don't think I ever rambled about this introductory part.
Rereading this made me realize how graphic I made my skits be. And that's because the story gets pretty graphic.
Geez, this skit opening is so sad. And painful. Ouch.
Later on, I explain via a skit character that the reason for the dark opening was because Soulless was causing Fierdan and Duke to visualize their close ones' deaths all over again.
And their deaths.. yeah, they're not so pleasant.
Why? Because. I'm mean to my characters. I have no heart. I'm a cruel one.
- First death- death by gunshots. (Ardere)
- Second death- death by asphyxiation via black smoke being in the air. Breathing black smoke (which is from black fire btw) is definitely not healthy. The air quality isn't clean there. It's not.. breathable. Very painful, I know. (Finny)
- Third death- death by intense and significant stabbing (and other stuff is going on as well but being stabbed is what physically kills him). (Duke and Soulless)
That was actually the second part of the "Darkness is Where the Demons Play" skits. In the first part, the introduction to the skit is a flashback to when/how Fierdan kills Duke (and Soulless too, I guess) in the story.
It's pretty messed up. What can I tell you? It's supposed to be. It's a messed up process. And by messed up, I mean f*cked up.
I don't feel like copy and pasting the whole thing onto here. I'll just link to the skit.
That Fierdan kiss though. That's messed up. Haha, I know.
my cursed brain: fierdan kissing.. mm, that's hot. ;)
I've also been daydreaming about Fierdan/Danny (not sure whether he goes by Danny or Dan then or reclaims Fierdan) being intimate with his boyfriend. I have scenes in my head.
Him being hugged by his boyfriend. Oh heck yes. Him being kissed by his boyfriend; him kissing his boyfriend. Them under the bed covers together. It's so soft; it makes me happy. :')
I'm so sick of being surrounded by talk about romance and related topics, and yet here I am thinking about very romantic (and honestly at some much, much later time, pretty damn sexual) scenes involving the character best known as Fierdan. That's ironic! Me! I'm ironic!
Anyway, Fierdan's emotional/passionate kissing scenes bring Duke's down to shame. Just how it is with their voices and hair. (haha)
Fierdan is just that beautiful. He's just,, so hecking good. (hhhhh)
... Apparently, it is almost 3:30 in the morning. Wow, I wasn't paying attention to the time.
You can find the two other May skits I mentioned in this post after you click the one I put a link here for. I don't think there are many posts between them. There's always my archive at the bottom of the blog. Yeah, it shouldn't be too much trouble to find the other posts.
Bye. :)
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