So, *folds hands on desk* I'm here to discuss the rest of the things in story 1 that I forgot to mention in the last few posts.
~ Sensitive content will be mentioned. ~
Ok sure whatever.
Yes, I'm going to talk about things I've been avoiding since forever. Like, I know. I knew all along. I used to severely hate this story every day for reasons, folks. :'}
But I first want to talk about that group chat skit. What the hell was that? Well, let me 'translate' it. But just starting at the part when Duke is in it.
• Duke enters the group chat. He looks high. His eyes are red. He's wearing lingerie. I imagine it being black with gold lace for some reason. Not sure why.
• He was planning on killing himself, but he went to a bar/adult-only space instead. But Duke isn't 21, so that doesn't make much sense..? But he was somewhere there. He probably got the lingerie there. He took a drug and got high there as well.
• Duke suddenly tells everyone he's leaving the skit characters gang. It shocks everyone.
• Before Duke entered the skit, Fierdan was concerned about him. Duke is being self-destructive.
• Fierdan goes to where Duke is and becomes possessive over him. Duke is annoyed and looks at Fierdan with pity. Fierdan thinks Soulless is the reason behind Duke acting this way. Just like Duke used black fire, Fierdan does but it looks more beautiful when Fierdan does it (of course).
• But it wasn't Soulless this time. Then the skit goes on how I see the relationship between Duke and Fierdan sometimes. I mean, in the story. At times, I view them thinking the other is hurting and close to abusing the other. But then Duke practically begs for Fierdan to kill him. Then since Fierdan refuses, he asks Ryen who also refuses. Nobody wants to kill him.
• Duke says he went to the hospital, then says he never went to the ER. That doesn't make sense, so I don't know (sorry lol). The people at the bar might have just told Duke to walk in to a random hospital, he had to wait, so then he left. Yeah, I don't know.
• Duke suddenly disappears. The next time Fierdan blinks open his eyes, he realizes he's no longer holding Duke's hand. He freaks out. Where is Duke? Where is my boy? Fierdan panics.
• Every other skit character treats Fierdan like how he is in story 2. He hates being called Fierdan, so he goes by Danny. Fierdan is confused and doesn't know what's going on. They don't know why he's panicking over Duke. Fierdan heard Brock, but the others don't know who he is.
• The skit ends with Duke and Fierdan hugging. I imagine them being surrounded by static. And nothing and nobody else is there. It's just them.
Yeah, I guess. Sure. Whatever.
Now onto story 1 things! :)
-x-x-x-
In one of my classes, my classmate brought up cloaks. And then I realized that I keep on saying Fierdan sometimes wears a black cloak.
I guess I should clarify that he also has blankets. A black one and a colorful one. He wears the black blanket the most.
I was thinking of a cloak and a cape being synonymous. But then I realized. Cloaks have hoods.
So since I wrote that Fierdan has a cloak, it made me realize that he has a hood too then. So since Cincernum is typically a dark environment surrounded by black goop (and just darkness in general), maybe it's hard for other people to notice Fierdan also has a hood.
That could be why people think his hair is the same color as the black goop. They think his hair is completely black while it's more of a dark brown. Ryen's hair is darker than his brother's.
And the cloak (since cloaks have hoods) could also hide Fierdan's hair. No one really knows how long it is. The surrounding darkness makes it harder to see, but the hood could also hide it. In Chapter 75, I intended it to look like he took out something from his hair (that Fauna can't see) so his hair stopped being tied up. But I never really got to describe his hair fully in the story. His hair, well, it's long. Fauna did see a small part of his hair go down to his shoulders though. But she didn't see where it stopped. Maybe it'll be easier to see if Fierdan isn't covered from head to toe in black.
I also imagine Fierdan looking very thin and pale. But not ghostly white. No, not that. But he hadn't been out in the sun, so you know, he's probably looking weak and pale.
Yeah sure.
-x-x-x-
I reread Chapter 75 and suddenly thought of some things.
I don't think I can really keep it up. I'm reading "paw" and "paws" and honestly, I can't take it.
I might just use hand and hands from this point forward. The story is so inconsistent as it is. But if I do that, it'll make even less sense.
It suddenly became hard for me to view a "paw" as looking like a human hand. That's what a "paw" is. It's not an actual animal paw. They're just hands that they call paws because they don't know the word, hand.
I'm sorry but I can't keep up this anthro thing. That's not who my characters are. That's not the type of person I am. I'm not into that. I never really was. The characters are humans. That's what.
I still am haunted that people think the story is some furry thing. And I'm like, eww no.
So yeah. Might just refer to my characters in human terms from now on.
-x-x-x-
Instead of Twinkle getting a tail brace at the start of the story, she'll get a lower back brace.
Duke and Twinkle first shoot out tiny flames from their fingertips. If their fingernails aren't cut short, then the flames can also be shot out from their fingernails.
-x-x-x-
This is a story spoiler, but I was going to write that Fierdan doesn't have a tail. But since I just want to write my characters as humans now, I'm going to make him lack a different body part. Maybe parts. Yes, there's a reason why Fierdan lacks body part(s).
Instead of Fierdan (btw this is him in Cincernum with Soulless) not having a tail, he could not have part of his tailbone..? I don't know how that'll work.
Or.. *ahem* I have alternatives. Like, wow ok Cutepups, that's messed up.
Fierdan and Soulless might have a disturbing scene in Chapter 76. It has uncomfortable vibes. Like.. what the fuck. Fierdan, what the fuck. Fuckin' Soulless. What the hell is wrong with you two?
Fierdan in story 1 is a messed up character. He did and does messed up things. He's not that morally good. He's pretty damn bad, to be honest.
Explicit? Eh, there's a possibility.
-x-x-x-
I think I'm just going to use the name, Jack. I like that more.
That character.. what a guy. He's great.
-x-x-x-
After reading Chapter 75, I finally realized I've been writing about Fierdan differently than how he is in the written story so far, including in Chapter 75. I've been getting ahead of myself.
You readers probably don't know much about Fierdan just from the story alone.
We'll get to know a decent bit more about him in Chapter 76. I'm including a Ryen POV where they'll be a flashback to the pre-Fierdan childhood days. I'm including a Fierdan POV right after that. It'll go into.. a lot. I'm hoping from his POV you guys would possibly begin to like him as a character. We'll finally get to properly know him. There are some very ugly parts as well though.
But do I love Fierdan. Oh heck yes.
I don't have time to write the chapter. I'm very busy with college stuff. I'm stressed about this week. I'm always busy with college things.
But I want to write the chapter already. I really, really want to.
But I can't do it nowadays. :'(
-x-x-x-
I used to pronounce Fierdan differently than how I pronounce it now.
I pronounce "Fier" like "fear" but there's an emphasis on the "i" which has an "ee" sound. But it still sounds like "fear" and not like "fee-ear" because I don't like that. It's "fear", just put a little more "ee" into it.
And the "dan" is pronounced like the name Dan. I used to pronounce it like "don" but I can't say it that way anymore. I just can't do it.
So together Fierdan is pronounced as "Fear-Dan". I used to think saying his name is harder than it actually is. I can say his name out loud now. It's not that hard. I don't know what past me was thinking.
Saying his name this way still sounds like it has connotations to being intimidating. I think that I used to think it didn't. But it does. It does.
-x-x-x-
Actually come to think of it, I think the whole "foxes", "paws", "wolves", "tails", ... "Jamaa", "Zios", and "Mira" thing I came up with in 2014 and 2015 to include in the story was because I wanted the story to be simple and a silly little thing.
But now I think of the story as a serious thing. I can't continue to view it as a joke. I can't do it.
I was too lazy to think of places for things, so I just used words from that AJ game. So.. I know I have to come up with my own names. They're humans, not animals. This story isn't taking place in the AJ universe. That'll be impossible. That can't happen.
A name for the land where Twinkle, Duke, Dawn, etc. are in. A name for the land where Ardere and his family is from. The first land has different towns and cities. It's not equivalent to just being a Jamaa. There's the town where Twinkle lived with her family, there's the city where the Tall Tower and other government buildings are (yeah, there has to be more that just one) which is in the center of the land (or it's like the town square that looks more city-like in Twinkle's hometown), there's the city where Duke is first from (where he lived with both his parents; he moved to Twinkle's school), and the city by the shore/beach where Dawn lives (though she lives away from other people). That's all I can think of for now. It's not all in one city. It's part of a whole big land. Think of it as a U.S. state except current countries don't exactly exist in the time period the story is in. And the land Ardere is from is like a very small foreign country that borders the U.S. state like land where the other characters are in.
And of course they all have different names.
-x-x-x-
Z (Ryen and Fierdan's father) isn't the equivalent of Zios in AJ. I call him Z because that's his nickname/alias. He calls himself "Z."
I don't think of his name as being Zios like I did in the past. It still contains those letters though.
No one really knows his full name. People have different ideas of what the "Z." could stand for.
But he doesn't only use "Z." or "Z" as an alias. He has a few words that sound like they could be names, all starting with the letter Z. But which is the real one? It's a mystery. His children and wife didn't know. They still don't know.
In the story, Ryen finds a dusty old book titled "Scriptures of Z" which turns out to be something his father wrote. It's a thick book too. Filled with details. Yeah.
-x-x-x-
Anyway, I hope people are reading these posts of mine. Please be reading this.
It's important.
^-^"
-x-x-x-
So there's no Zios and Mira characters. The characters (Twinkle and Duke *coughs*) don't say phrases like they're gods. Because they're not. "Oh my Zios".. cancelled. "Oh my God".. that's more valid. "Oh my [Fierdan's dad]".. lol that makes no sense. A man ain't no god.
And Mira? Huh? Who? Who is she supposed to be?
-x-x-x-
I know I never drew Z, but here's a list of physical descriptions:
• Imagine adult Fierdan.
• Adult Fierdan looks a lot like his dad.
• Except Z doesn't really wear all black.
• And Z is a little taller.
• Fierdan's parents are both pretty tall.
• Fierdan has Z's eyes. Except Fierdan looks surprisingly very good in eyeliner/eyeshadow/mascara. If Fierdan has access to eyeliner, I can see him rocking that look. I love imagining him in makeup. Z, on the other hand, would never wear makeup.
• Their faces look similar.
• Their facial expressions are different though. They smirk differently.
• Their hair is the same color. Z's hair isn't wavy/curly, Fierdan's mother is; Fierdan's hair looks more straight than Ryen's whose is wavy/curly. It's not slick straight though. Ryen and their mother share the same type of hair.
• Fierdan's body looks skinny compared to Z's. For obvious reasons.
• Despite Fierdan doing some ugly things, he's still generally beautiful. Z, no matter what, will always be less attractive than either of his sons. I don't care if Fierdan has Z's eyes, Z will always just be a gross piece of shit. Z is ugly, and there are no possible attributes to him. He might be extremely smart, but he only uses his intelligence for evil purposes. Z is scum.
Yeah.
-x-x-x-
Haha, uh.. now I'm thinking of Dawn either being aroace or a lesbian.
I can't see her genuinely being attracted to guys.
Haha, that would be a plot twist to what I wrote in 2015. Like haha, you thought she was attracted to guys (*cough* Duke *cough* Fierdan *cough*) but no. She never was. Not like that. In fact, she has romantic and sexual attraction to no types of people or just girls/feminine-presenting people.
-x-x-x-
Meanwhile I've been thinking that I'm wording things making it seem Fierdan is gay. But I don't really see him as being homosexual. So, I don't know, I'm just viewing himself as bisexual. He's not straight though. Haha ok.
Yeah, uh.. *shrugs*.
Ryen is aroace. Or at least aro and ace-spec.
But I like the future concept of Fierdan being an uncle. Like 10-15 years later. When he's older and somewhat healthier and emotionally stable.
And Uncle Fierdan is just so cute and sweet. He's a good person. He's a fun guy.
I imagine Fierdan looking so happy with a big smile on his face, and he's giving a young child a piggyback ride. And the child is also happy.
... or maybe it's Fierdan as a dad. And he's a good dad. Like the one who tells dad jokes. Who cares about and would never hurt his child. Fierdan would have been in recovery for several years already.
But whose child? I have no idea.
I think the child is a girl though. So it's someone's daughter.
Just imagine:
• Fierdan having a daughter.
• Ryen having a daughter.
• But the daughter isn't Fierdan or Ryen's child by blood- she's adopted.
• Though I can imagine the child looking like Fierdan or Ryen like she is related to either of them by blood- but she's actually not.
Basically, if Fierdan is ever a father, I imagine him being like the total opposite of Z.
Like no, he's not going to abuse his kid. Not like Z. *cough, cough*
It's so pure, omg I love this concept. ;v; <3
-x-x-x-
Oh and if I ever do edit/rewrite the story, I'm obliterating that hetero love triangle. Or at least what seems like a love triangle.
It's disgusting. No. Just no. No! Delete, delete! Ahhhhh!!!
I'm referring to in 2015 when I wrote something like a love triangle between Twinkle, Duke, and Dawn.
Like.. it should be obvious on why. Just.. just no.
Never mind the violence and death yet to come in the story, the most cursed is my story ideas in 2015. And I guess it goes into 2017 as well.
Dawn was never in love with Duke. Dawn and Fierdan were never in a relationship. They were very close to each other, but that's only because they only really had each other. Dawn and Fierdan both got placed into a literal living version of hell. So, you know, they have a bond. And how they were like best friends before then.
Yeah, I really should rewrite that part of the story. Dawn is genuinely interested in seeing Duke in person. She would make other people (the servants? fake cops? idk) take Duke to a special place (like in Chapter 46) but the reason would be to protect him and make sure he's safe. But there's no romantic implications behind her actions. Dawn is just very interested in seeing Duke because she had a deep past with Fierdan and he made Duke the way he is. Even then, I still think Duke would be a little freaked out over why Dawn is acting a certain way towards him. But he won't mistake it as thinking she wants to be in a romantic/sexual relationship with him.
Like instead of Duke being dragged to Dawn when he's wearing the formal red outfit and him immediately taking his clothes off (ahem), Duke in the formal red outfit would have a civilized one-on-one conversation with Dawn. Duke is both bothered by and loves the smell of the mint coming from Dawn. But ok no, he's not just gonna suddenly take his clothes off and start kissing her like crazy. No. N-O. They instead talk one-on-one like civilized humans, and later in the conversation when Dawn brings up the flame mark, only then does Duke take off his shirt in order for Dawn to see it up close and in person.
... ok.
-x-x-x-
There's going to be some gore in Chapter 76. There will be flying guts.
Ah, just felt like I should inform you.
Twinkle. She's the reason why.
It's phantom gore. Not human gore. (lol :p)
Fierdan mentions blood and broken bodies in his POV though. Human blood. Broken human bodies.
So there's a warning on that. You're welcome, folks.
-x-x-x-
Oh by the way, the Duke I drew here:
I realized there would also be some amount of black in his right eye. Being tortured by Taurel results in Duke's left eye turning completely black. Taurel does the same thing to his right eye, but not as often as the left eye. So part of Duke's right eye would also turn black. Just not the entire eye.
Duke is probably blind in his left eye after it turns all black. Even though it looks like his more fierce-looking eye. But yeah, he's probably blind out of that eye. So post-torture arc, Duke is partially blind. He can still see out of his right eye.
So that could be another reason why he covers his left eye before seeing Twinkle and Dawn again. He can't see out of that eye, so what if he covers it?
He doesn't want them to see how creepy his left eye is. Since it's completely black. It looks disturbing.
Oh and the lines along his ears aren't piercing or earrings. They're tiny cuts all along the ears.
Duke also lost a lot of blood. Like, a lot. Taurel made Duke bleed a lot. Mainly through syringes than brute physical force. The syringes take out a lot of blood even though they are syringes.
Taurel might use sharp knives to make Duke bleed out faster. But he doesn't use them as often as the syringes.
Oh and he might also break a few of Duke's bones. But Soulless will make Duke able to beat the hell out of Taurel at some point. Even though Duke's in a lot of physical pain. I guess it's some type of adrenaline..?
So yeah, that's what I'll say about the Duke being tortured part of the story. I didn't even go into the mental and emotional aspects. Those are just as, if not more, important than what happens physically.
There are reasons why Taurel does what he does. Duke being a hostage and being severely hurt isn't for no reason. It's not meaningless.
Honestly, I think the psychological violence is more severe than the physical violence. It's still very painful though. There's still pain and suffering.
So.. Fierdan killing Duke also puts him out of his misery? Because Duke is only still alive because of Soulless. Without Soulless, Duke would be dead. Duke wouldn't stay alive that long if Fierdan could kill Soulless in Duke without harming him. Duke dies either way; I'm cruel to him, I know.
"Oh, Duke went through so much pain, and you're not letting him get better? He doesn't get a chance to heal, huh? That's harmful! :/"
Yeah uh, that's what I'm going to do with Fierdan. Duke = D.U.K.E. (Fierdan) which is a combination of a part of Fierdan's soul and a part of the Soulless creature. Duke is technically part of Fierdan.
When story 1 Fierdan kills Duke, story 2 Fierdan is basically how he is in story 1 but whole because he also has that Duke part of his identity back.
That probably sounds confusing. Oh well. Sorry.
-x-x-x-
That's what I wanted to say. Thanks for reading. :')
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