ok this should be it

The last one? No promises. 

I'll probably be back on my bullshit again later. 

So I want to talk. About my story. Of course. 

I didn't plan on making my previous post end up the way it did. Sorry. 

I think it's funny how I made Taurel think Duke is like a killer because he stepped on a dead leaf on the ground. What is this? Did he think Duke killed the leaf and that's why it's on the ground? I'm sorry, but that's so funny to me. 

The mini skit I put in about Z's reaction to God in a religious service is also pretty darn funny. I mean.. to me it is. That's the only funny thing. I hate Z lol. 

About that.. *ahem* 

I've been planning on making Dawn a victim of csa for a while now. Like, since somewhere in the 50s chapters. Definitely in the 70s chapters. 

I didn't feel like explaining any earlier though. But now I just want to type out my story concepts/ideas/plans..? 

Yeah. The story is cursed. Problematic, if you will. 

I hate myself too. I know I deserve hate. Lmao. 

Anyway, sorry but I'm gonna talk about Them some more. 

You know. Them. 

-x-x-x- 

I view Duke equally as much of a: 

• Younger brother 

• Son

• Partial-clone?

to Fierdan. 

(Hold on. I just got an ad about this The Jungle Book show/movie on Netflix..?! Ooh-!) 

But yeah. Duke is like a brother and son to Fierdan. I don't know how else to describe their relationship, whoops. 

And Duke technically is like a young clone of Fierdan. Well, partially. Uh, sure? I'll keep it as that. 

I also keep on thinking that Fierdan is so much taller than Duke. That's what I think when I read over my skit posts. 

It's weird because Fierdan and Duke are supposed to be around the same general height. Except Fierdan is, at most, three inches taller than Duke. 

(I imagine Duke being 5'6" at the shortest and 5'8" at the tallest. I imagine Fierdan being 5'7" at the shortest and 5'9" at the tallest.)

So no, Fierdan doesn't tower over Duke. I deceived myself. Heck. 

-x-x-x-

Oh and I think their hair styles in the skits are different than how they currently are in the story. 

I imagine skit Fierdan with short nearly-black hair and skit Duke with even shorter nearly-black hair. 

And only recently, I've began to imagine skit Duke with an undercut. 

(I just want to draw Duke in as many hair styles as possible.) 

In the story, however, I imagine Duke with almost bottom of neck/top of shoulders length nearly-black hair and Fierdan with mid-back length nearly-black (but somehow clearly darker than Duke's) hair. 

Their hair though. Mm, that be some good shit. 

-x-x-x- 

Hmm, hmm, hhh mmm ............

Can't fully trust everything Duke and Fierdan "say" (in their POVs). 

I don't trust them. They could be lying. 

Like, hello?? They're hypocritical?? 

(I'm Cutepups. I know this.) 

-x-x-x- 

I started thinking about the (potential?) mental illnesses my main characters have. And, wow, it could be a lot more complicated than I originally thought. 

Fierdan, geez, he's more complicated than I thought. Dang it. 

-x-x-x- 

I think about "alternative" outcomes for Soulless. 

1. Soulless does not actually exist. Fierdan just made it up. But not on purpose/intentionally though. I've thought of making this happen for real in the story, but I'm not sure if that's a good idea. I doubt it lol. Soulless is just a metaphor for Fierdan's fear. That, or Soulless is a part of Fierdan's personality / one of Fierdan's "personalities". 

2. If Soulless wasn't an abusive and manipulative demonic creature toward Fierdan and their relationship wasn't rooted in fear, violence, and death.. I'll admit it.. I would ship Fierdan with Soulless. If their dynamic was healthy, then yeah I'm shipping it lol. Soulless would be looking a bit more human though. But.. godd.. Soulless would be taller than Fierdan, Soulless would be that boyfriend or masc-aligned agender/nonbinary significant other with sharp human teeth that look like fangs. Honestly, the concept is cute. and sexy like damn,, possibly high-key kinky? mmfffgdfhfh.

I need to stop. I know. I'm just making it worse. Ahahaha. 

But how they are in the story canon? Yeah, no thanks. 

(Why the hell do I ship them then? Lmao, what the hell @ me. It's only as how I described it in #2. They would love and support each other like good folks do.)

though they'd like to play rough 👀 

I'm so sorry omg. This post sounds just as wrong as the last one. Pfft. 

-x-x-x- 

Taurel is an invasive, inappropriate, fucked up creep. 

What the fuck, man. 

-x-x-x- 

I'm concerned that I might be sexualizing my characters too much these days. 

Me, only horny for my characters? 

The ones who are adults. Not the kids. 

Ok but, I'm including Duke too. I always think of him as being older than me, which I know doesn't make sense. Duke,, he is hot fire sexy boy.

I'm making it worse. Stop. Just stop it. 

Fuck. 

-x-x-x- 

Instead of having Twinkle observe that Duke's voice dropped (their Ch. 60 reunion?), I would change it so his voice sounds smoother and less annoying (lol, so it'll be more like Fierdan's attractive voice, mmfgfgfh). Maybe then Duke speaks a half octave lower than before that part. 

Duke's story age is 17 now. Ok lol. 

-x-x-x- 

I hope this is really it this time. 

Anyway, I'm dreading going to one of my classes. Because.. I'm a disappointment and letdown, baby. 

I would draw. If I have time. 

Uh.. 🙏 

Bye.