Very Very Cursed Post Fool Skit

1. I have one of my classes canceled today. 

2. I can’t breathe well at all (through my nose). 

3. My body.. uhh hhhhhh.. feels weird. 

4. I hate myself for coming up with this skit idea in bed last night while I was writing the previous post. 

5. I’ll rate this skit.. RR. R rated. 

6. I might be kidding. 

7. I hate myself. I’m going to hate myself even more tomorrow at this time. *checks the time* Oh, it’s 5:22 pm in Cutepups time. 

8. Explicit language/content ahead. I.. guess? 

9. Haha, I have so many thoughts about my story ideas that outright disturb me and make me very uncomfortable. So that’s great (/sarcasm). 

10. April Fool’s Day. Fools, fools, fools. We’re all fools. I’m a fool. He’s a fool. @ Duke: what the actual fu—

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Oh and.. 

No. This cursed thing isn’t going to legitimately be related to any future multi-part skit story. 

It’s too.. too *insert adjective here* (which adjective? idk).

Read at your own risk. I’m deeply sorry in advance. 

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[Date: April 1st. Time: Afternoon, I assume? Location: Vast, open field of bright green grass. Yes, bright green grass. It is a sunny day. Duke is lying down on his back in the middle of the field of bright green grass. It is warm out, so he’s wearing a white T-shirt and dark blue or gray jeans. Not just any pants- he’s in jeans because.. denim. Anyway, Duke is just chilling in the field minding his own business when suddenly something appears in the sky. As the mystery object gets closer, it takes the form of a roundish pink fish that is equally handsome as it is grotesque. It’s none other than Duke’s ultimate rival or nemesis, Bob the Blobfish. Then the blobfish crashes into the ground. Duke sits up and gives Bob the Blobfish a judgmental look as the blobfish brushes off the dirt and grass.] 

Bob the Blobfish: Hey, Duke...

Duke: *in a pretty monotonous voice* Shouldn’t you be dead? 

Bob the Blobfish: *gasps but it seems so Fake TM* What? No...

Duke: I’m pretty sure you died three or so years ago. 

Bob the Blobfish: And I’m pretty sure I told you I’m an immortal being that cannot be killed. 

Duke: *stops speaking in a monotonous voice* Wait, you were serious? 

Bob the Blobfish: Yes. I am always serious. 

Duke: Sure thing, buddy. *gets up and walks away and then shouts out into the field* Bob the Blobfish is back! Please believe me this time, Twinkle! 

Bob the Blobfish: *stays still but screams* Duke! Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke! Duke! 

Duke: *sighs and walks back* What is it? What do you want from me, you ugly pink jellyfish?

Bob the Blobfish: I’m a blobfish, you fool! Get it right! 

Duke: Hmm yeah.. no thanks. 

Bob the Blobfish: *screams again* What the heck does that even mean? 

Duke: Why am I wasting my time with you? 

Bob the Blobfish: You could be making this whole scenario up again. It’s very likely, in fact. 

Duke: Fucking damn it. 

Bob the Blobfish: Watch your language, kid! 

Duke: I’m supposedly at least 19 years old now, so don’t tell me what to do. 

Bob the Blobfish: I’m an immortal being, but go off I guess. 

Duke: Shut up, ugly. 

Bob the Blobfish: You’re pretty ugly yourself. 

Duke: Yeah, I know. Now will you please fuck off? 

Bob the Blobfish: Yeah hmm.. no thanks. 

Duke: *rolls eyes* 

Bob the Blobfish: Duke is such a weird name. It’s like.. Duke. It sounds so weird. 

Duke: Wow, thanks. 

Bob the Blobfish: Wow, really? You mean it?

Duke: *sighs* No. 

Bob the Blobfish: Oh okay, fine, be like that. I’ll just... 

[Bob the Blobfish takes out something which plays an audio recording. The audio recording is a few seconds long of Duke badly singing the following: “So why am I alive? Is there a reason for me? What else can be found? What is Cutepups singing?”]

Bob the Blobfish: What are you singing here? 

Duke: *shakes head* Fucking hell. I don’t know what the fuck that is. 

Bob the Blobfish: Hmm.. it sounds emo. 

Duke: *just blinks at Bob the Blobfish* 

Bob the Blobfish: Oh, you’re wearing a white shirt and dark-colored jeans. 

Duke: *says sarcastically* Glad to know you have eyes. 

Bob the Blobfish: You don’t wear all black anymore? Have you become less emo? 

Duke: Can you just.. *sighs* stop talking? 

Bob the Blobfish: *ignores Duke’s request and says* Oh, I forgot to say. My apologies. 

Duke: *sighs again and then just stares at the blobfish with a frown on his face* 

Bob the Blobfish: Hey, Duke, remember that time when...

Duke: *cuts him off* No. 

Bob the Blobfish: I didn’t finish my sentence. 

Duke: You don’t have to. I already know what you were planning on saying. And my answer to you is- N.O. no. 

Bob the Blobfish: Okay. What was I going to ask you? 

Duke: You were going to bring up something inappropriate. Something sexual in nature, I believe. 

Bob the Blobfish: *is a little taken aback by what Duke said* What are you talking about? Are you joking?

Duke: *face looks serious, frowns* Does it look like I’m joking? 

Bob the Blobfish: Uh...

Duke: That’s because I’m not. I can be very serious too, you know. 

Bob the Blobfish: That.. that doesn’t have to do with anything. 

[Bob the Blobfish puts the object playing the audio recording away.] 

Duke: Okay fine. What did you want to ask me? 

Bob the Blobfish: *smiles* Oh good. 

Duke: *sighs* I regret asking. 

Bob the Blobfish: Remember that time you worked in a coffee shop?

Duke: That was a fucked up dream I had and nothing more. 

Bob the Blobfish: And how you were completely naked except for the shoes you were wearing and a small paper hat on your head? Wait a sec.. were you also wearing socks? 

Duke: Why are you asking me that of all things? It was a weird dream.

Bob the Blobfish: Was it? Are you sure about that?

Duke: Yes! It didn’t really happen. Go bother somebody else for once. 

Bob the Blobfish: *completely ignores Duke* And how you were grinding—

Duke: Coffee beans! Yes, I did that! 

Bob the Blobfish: I was actually going to say your—

Duke: That’s very funny, Bobby. Now, ahem, will you please.. *yells* shut the fuck up! *orange flames suddenly cover his hands* I swear, I might as well set you on fire, you piece of shit. *smirks as the flames travel down his arms* It shouldn’t even hurt. 

Bob the Blobfish: Oh, I sure did miss seeing you light yourself on fire. You and the squad of mutated and discarded kids.. it’s so cute. 

Duke: I could sucker punch you right now. 

Bob the Blobfish: Sure thing, kiddo. Now I’m going to continue my story. 

Duke: *ends up not punching Bob the Blobfish for some mysterious reason* 

Bob the Blobfish: I recall that you wanted your friends, who played the role as your coworkers, to touch your dick. Why were you being sexual in a professional setting? 

Duke: It was a fucking dream, you shitty fish! And it wasn’t sexual. Oh and I guess it technically was that, but come on, it was in a crappy coffee shop. 

Bob the Blobfish: That in and of itself is something sexual but okay. Then why you dream it? 

Duke: I can’t control my dreams. 

Bob the Blobfish: Was it because you were horny? 

Duke: No! Fuck off, you creepy blob with the invasive questions! 

Bob the Blobfish: Do you have any desires? 

Duke: Yes, I would like you to never speak to me again. 

Bob the Blobfish: I was referring to something regarding your body. 

Duke: What about it? 

Bob the Blobfish: Do you want to give in and take off your human cover? 

Duke: My.. what?

Bob the Blobfish: Do you ever desire to live while living in your true form? Your, dare I say, demon-like body? 

Duke: Uh.. no. 

Bob the Blobfish: Why not? Your true form is fascinating. Utterly terrifying, yes, but oh so fascinating. 

Duke: Your questions today are more messed up than usual. That’s saying something. 

Bob the Blobfish: Just give in, Duke. Reveal your true form to the world again. 

Duke: No thanks, I’m good.

Bob the Blobfish: Ugh, stop being so stubborn! 

Duke: There’s no reason for me to get rid of my humanity again. I dislike you quite a lot, but I actually don’t loathe you with my entire being. You really don’t deserve to face my true form. 

Bob the Blobfish: Aha! So you accept the fact that you have one. 

Duke: I never denied that fact. 

Bob the Blobfish: Then show me it! 

Duke: What the hell is wrong with you? I just told you I’m not going to show you it. I won’t show anyone it. 

Bob the Blobfish: *is getting angry* Give in already, Duke! Your arms are already covered in fire—

Duke: This fire is orange. My true form only works on black fire. 

Bob the Blobfish: Then use black fire! 

Duke: Nah. 

Bob the Blobfish: Ugh! *mutters something under his breath and then blurts out* In addition to wanting people to touch you down there, you also decided to grind your dick against objects used to make coffee. I wonder why that was in your thoughts? 

Duke: *the flames wrap around his upper body* I get lots of thoughts that are fucked up. I had a shitty upbringing—

Bob the Blobfish: Why would you have something like that in your dreams, considering how many times your body was violated? Did you just not give a damn anymore, so you decided it was fine for you to fuck coffee kettles? 

Duke: Excuse me, but what the fuck did I just hear? 

Bob the Blobfish: I know you fu—

Duke: Don’t repeat your words, dumbass! 

Bob the Blobfish: Is it because you just can’t take care of yourself on your own? You can’t hold down a job. 

Duke: Because I had a dream where I fucked an object? *speaks sarcastically (adding just in case)* Ha, ha.. okay. 

Bob the Blobfish: Yes! Give in to the cynicism and rage! 

Duke: Wait. Hold the fuck up. Are you seriously trying to make me upset on purpose? 

Bob the Blobfish: Yes, I want to see your true form. 

Duke: I’m not showing you it! How many times do I have to repeat myself? 

Bob the Blobfish: You hate me! You must hate me by now! 

Duke: You’re right. I do hate you. *takes a deep breath* But I won’t reveal my true form. I’m content with being a human. 

Bob the Blobfish: Just for a few seconds! 

Duke: A few seconds is far too long. *sighs* Do you know anything about the true D.U.K.E. form? No, you don’t. 

Bob the Blobfish: *frowns* Fine. Tell me more about it. 

Duke: That form is kind of like a demon, yes, but I don’t think I can even describe how disturbing it is. It’s.. it’s being devoid of any human rational behavior. Deterrence is thrown out the window. You don’t care about the consequences your actions will result in. You.. don’t.. give.. a.. flying.. shit. Mercy is eliminated. You just don’t care. You can do anything! You can’t even begin to comprehend why you suddenly feel like destroying other people’s bodies and tearing out flesh with your teeth. *pauses to catch his breath* I was pretty damn close to becoming a cannibal. Fuck.. I was a total sadist. I destroyed his body. I was unstoppable. And you.. you want me to show you that side of me? The same side that repeatedly cut a person’s body and attempted to tear out their flesh with my teeth to the bone? Are you sure you want to see that? I’m not even 5% of the amount mad enough for me to enter that state. Are you fucking kidding me? 

[Suddenly, Bob the Blobfish disappears. The setting changes to a room with lots of what looks like medical equipment, one measuring heart rate. The heart rate on the monitor speeds up concerningly fast. Someone talks over a loudspeaker.] 

Loudspeaker person: That’s enough. 

Duke: *is now alone in the field, wraps his arms around his knees, sweats and breathes heavily* 

Person: *enters the room Duke is in* It’s over now. Come with me, kid. 

Duke: *screams at the person while his body is trembling* I’m not doing that for you! I’m not doing it! I’m not showing you that side of me! 

Person: Huh? Was there someone in the room with you? 

Duke: Yeah, his name is Bob the Blobfish! 

Person: Bob the.. what? Blobfish? 

Duke: *stands up* Yes! Bob the Blobfish! 

Person: Is that an imaginary friend of yours? 

Duke: He’s not my friend! 

Person: So he’s just someone you made up. Is that who you talk to when you’re alone?

Duke: No! This is the first time I heard from him in a few years. 

Person: *scratches chin* Hmm...

Duke: You don’t believe me! I’m not lying! 

Person: *touches Duke’s shoulder* Come with me—

Duke: *immediately pulls away* Don’t. I’m not in the mood to be touched at all right now. 

Person: Oh shoot, it’s April Fool’s Day! I fooled you! 

Duke: What the fuck is wrong with you people? You didn’t prank me. And before you ask, I’m not making shit up either. 

[Several minutes later. They left the field. Duke is kind of in a daze as he walks past people in lab coats discussing his heart rate while he was in the field. Once he’s at the opposite end of the hallway, he sees Ryen waiting for him.]

Ryen: So how was it?

Duke: It was great until Bob the Blobfish showed up. 

Ryen: Oh? 

Duke: He kept on asking me graphic questions about... *his fingers tremble* 

Ryen: Yeah? 

Duke: The person I turned into when I attacked Taurel. You know.. all that fucked up, disturbing as hell, shit. 

Ryen: Oh.. oh, I’m sorry to hear that happened. 

Duke: That’s not all. Before that, he kept on bringing up that weird as hell dream I had around two years back when I was acting inappropriately in a coffee shop I worked at. You know the one. 

Ryen: Oh god, that dream? The one where you were naked and implied that you fuck—

Duke: *laughs* Yeah, that one. And thanks to Bobby Blobfish, I was reminded that I did do that in the dream. 

Ryen: You’re.. quite something.

Duke: Thanks. 

Ryen: Out of anything you could have been thinking and having a conversation about, it was about that.

Duke: Yeah, Bobby is very strange. 

Ryen: *frowns* You know Bob the Blobfish isn’t a real, physical person. Right, Duke? 

Duke: Yeah, of course. He’s from a spiritual realm, obviously. That’s how he’s immortal. 

Ryen: *sighs* Duke... 

Duke: Relax, man. This Help place is actually helping me out a lot. Today’s activity was a bit extreme, but—

Ryen: *cuts him off* You nearly had a panic attack in there. 

Duke: No shit. 

Ryen: Look... 

Duke: What? I’m doing just fine. *rubs his eyes and looks up at the ceiling* Just.. go rip out the thorns from my dick. Do something productive. 

Ryen: *looks disgusted* Why are you talking about that?

Duke: Because it’s fucking funny. 

Ryen: No, it isn’t? 

Duke: I’m pretty sure it is. 

Ryen: Ugh, I’m tired. Let’s just go home. 

Duke: *snaps* Fine! Let’s just head the fuck home! 

Ryen: Do you have to say the f-word every other sentence? 

Duke: Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do! 

Ryen: It’s been quite a few months. Are you seriously not making any process at therapy? 

Duke: I get thoughts I hate. I don’t know why, and I sure as hell can’t control them. I don’t know why I can’t get that shitty dream out of my head. 

Ryen: That’s one reason why you’re in therapy with Fierdan. It’s to help you guys get rid of the distressing thoughts you get as a result of your pasts. 

Duke: I feel so disgusted. Why can’t I just live? I hate being reminded of all.. of all these.. bad things I did and went through. 

Ryen: You’re not disgusting. 

Duke: My body and mind are filthy. I’m not clean. 

Ryen: Just because you did those actions in a dream doesn’t mean you’re a sex hungry beast. 

Duke: What the hell are you trying to say? 

Ryen: You’re not dirty. There’s nothing wrong with you for having that dream. 

Duke: Of course not. It was funny, first of all. *sighs* I just hated how he brought it up so suddenly. 

Ryen: Oh hmm...

Duke: What now?

Ryen: Nothing. 

Duke: What?

Ryen: It’s just that. This ended unexpectedly. 

Duke: Huh?

[This skit has been marked as RR for Rat Rated. Duke and Bob the Blobfish have violated The Code for taking about such-and-such content. The coffee kettle demands for Duke and Bob the Blobfish to not bring the dream up ever again. They have to pay approximately 6,600 coffee beans by the end of the day. If not, they will be sued by me. Why? Just because. I can. The rats will come. They will judge them. And me. You too. Prepare. They are coming soon.] 

why am i thinking of this atrocity again

why did i write this? i’m going to die because of it. duke ruined everything. f u duke. why tf did you tell everyone about your weird dream with your inappropriate behavior? find jesus, you heathen. i’m not even christian lmao but like.. this skit and the one in this post are so wrong. sorry to anyone who saw this post. i had this idea pop in my head at 2 am and i couldn’t stop thinking about it. my grades are falling, i’m a big dumb dumb, and i hate myself. lol!

mango bongo mango bongo mango bongo mango bongo mango bongo mango bongo mango bongo mango bongo mango bongo mango bongo mango bongo drink water!!!!!!!!!!!!

music! how cool!! jam on, jammers!!!

football football football football football football football football football the very best sports article you will ever read, guaranteed!

🐀🐀🐀🐀🐀🐀🐀🐀🐀🐀

they have come.

hey, just a quick and random reminder that i have this page on my blog that links to a lot of stuff. i know that some things i write on here are disturbing and weird and uncomfortable and everything is worded terribly. i hate myself for my story ideas because they’re.. big yikes to say the least. but i really don’t want to end up accidentally hurting any of you lovely people. if anyone is in distress or whatever, please use these sites! life sucks, yeah, but these can help somewhat. please don’t hurt yourself, don’t be like my characters/story writing. you’re beautiful, you’re gorgeous, you matter. the things my characters go through make me feel haunted (?) sometimes. i know my writing isn’t for everyone. uh.. yeah. stay safe.

ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ