But really. I'm so tired. A little sad, a little full of pain.. whatever right.
March last year (2017), I posted so many Twinkle's Story chapters. This year, I posted none so far. I'm slacking, guys, better go call me out on how much of a disappointment I am.
Eh, I've been posting skits though.
I've been thinking about it, and.. well.. another reason I haven't been posting any new chapters (despite my laptop has been broken since the summer, I have to wait till graduation to get a new one for college, and I can only post on my phone for now) is because I'm just not motivated to write it anymore, to be honest.
(Huh? We thought you were so motivated to continue writing it, Cutepups? You seemed so excited and built up so much hype about it. And now you're saying you're not gonna ever write a new chapter?)
Ahh no, no, no. I don't mean it like that when I say I have little to no motivation at all left to finish the story. I really am excited for future scenes. Seriously, I am. I'm not sure if I'll be able to write any at all when I go off to college (and -not*- die) in August.
I just grew out of the whole "characters calling themselves 'foxes' and 'wolves' because they don't know the word, 'human', and they have tails and hands which they call 'paws'" thing. I'm not into that anymore. In my head, they're humans. That's why they're humans in the skits now.
I really just want to write chapters where I use human language when referring to my characters. I want to use actual swear words when I write certain dialogue lines. I want to make them say, "fuck, fucking (hate you), fuck off" instead of "freaking". I don't care about explicit language in my posts anymore. I don't care about my life, ha ha. There are so many things worse than "bad language" that happens in this story. Not referring to them all as humans was such a childish move of me, and I hate it so much. That's why I'm not sure if I even think it's worth it for me to continue writing chapters. I know it'll be weird if I suddenly change my writing style completely. But at this point, I really want to.
On other newish story thoughts...
I don't even call Z (Ryen and Fierdan's father), Zios. I haven't called him that in years, it feels like. But it's really more like months. I just call him, Z (pronounced like Zee), now. Calling that character of mine the same name as that god of AJ (or whatever) feels like too much of an insult to AJ. AJ doesn't deserve that.
If I'm to continue using the 'fox' language in the story, I technically do have a scene in mind where it would work. Humans don't have tails.
About the most recent skit arc...
Just like all my skit arcs, there is some content in them that is relevant and connects to the story at some point or another.
To sum up Fierdan: In the skits I (try to jokingly) exaggerate how he is throughout story 2. If I ever do write it somewhere and not just keep it all in my head, I'm going to make Fierdan have (C -idk-)PTSD. And for a large part of this story 2 concept I have, one of the main things he struggles with is dealing with flashbacks which cause him intense nightmares. And that leads to (chronic) insomnia. So, like, he barely does sleep. But he still does at some point because everyone needs sleep in order to live. Ya know.. that.
The timeline of the recent skits takes place after story 1 (Twinkle's Story) and somewhere in story 2. If you're confused on why in some skits Fierdan is more hostile towards Ryen than in others, it's because they had a lot to comprehend and sort out. They weren't on the best terms in the beginning of story 2. I mean.. that's just realistic.
Anyway, what Fierdan said about having to eat black goop which might have also had decayed human flesh in it.. well, I know it's fucked up and disgusting, but.. he's probably telling the truth.
The very beginning, the first test trial, of putting living organisms into Z's artificial world was a huge fuck up. I really don't know how else to describe it other than saying "fuck" about it. It was a catastrophe. Being in that world was like stepping into a radioactive, post-nuclear explosion site. It's a black goop hell. It's terrible.
Z brought the hundreds of other people there because he knew his world was toxic and not ready for civilization yet. He planned on having them all die.
Z hated Dawn and Danny (Pre-Fierdan). He probably wouldn't care that much if they suffered and died alongside the other people who turned into decaying corpses. And yeah, that included their bones too.
So were they at some point doing some borderline cannibal behavior? Possibly.
Since Dawn and Danny couldn't immediately die like everyone else, the only way they could die was if they slowly starved themselves to death. And, well, that'll be a long, painful several days. They actually were starving themselves (oh and there's no water there either) for just short of a week (and at that point, they were between the ages of 6 and 8).
So.. gotta do what you gotta do to survive. And Fierdan has always been doing whatever it takes to avoid his own death. He's too afraid of suicide, so he freaking murders to please Soulless, who is a product of Ryen's, instead.
Did their mother prevent them from dying right away? Possibly.
Yeah uhh.. what was I talking about before? Hmm...
My story ideas are all fucked up. Just so y'all know. ;)
And that is it. Those are my latest personal thoughts about the story that I both loathe and love.
(Don't mind me posting a lot out of nowhere.)
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