Red X's, Rain, and Testing Death (Retelling the Memory)

Hi, I fixed and colored the thing I drew yesterday. 

Yeah eh heh. 

(The red is old blood. Some much older than in other places.) 

(This drawing and the story writing explanation behind it (I'm too lazy to write that now though.. plus, spoilers) basically summarize why I should just put a mature/sensitive content sticker on Duke.) 

(Now that it's colored, it should be more obvious why I said last post that it contains sensitive content.. yeah uhh.)

((We get it, Cutepups. You're obsessed with that thing called Death TM.))

(Got that right.)

((Why are you using the parentheses? I thought that was your viewers' thing? But go off, I guess.))

(Ok then fine, I'll leave... *closes Blogger*)

((Wait, no! Come back, person who never replied to my comments! Are you OKAY?!))

(Well, I feel blank. Empty, apathetic. Sad. Tired. Yeah, all of that. Mostly like nothing. That's how I feel today on this Friday. I'm not replying to your longer comments because I'm afraid that whatever I'll have to say will come off as too.. bland. Too.. emotionless. I feel like I don't express enough feelings in my comments these days. You all deserve better than a slight nod from me as I read through your comments. Gosh, I feel like such a hypocrite. Thanks for showing me you're there. Kinda makes me believe I still have a purpose in blogging.) 

*cough, cough, cough* 

///tw: The meaning behind the drawing is basically Duke explaining why he didn't die when Risak "executed" him. This is taking place a few days after Taurel first does torturous actions toward Duke. In the drawing, there are two Dukes. The much more intimidating Duke (aka the one facing forward) is facing Taurel as he explains why he can't die.. normally. By the way, Duke is supposed to be sitting on top of a wall (the kind you can sit on top of.. duh). Most of his left leg is hidden behind the other side of the wall. I drew Duke sitting there telling Taurel the reason/s why, while he's (metaphorically; in recalling that past memory) sitting right beside the younger version of himself from the night he's talking about in his explanation to Taurel. In the story, I now view Duke as being 17, and at this part in it, it'll be when Duke's pretty close to 18. Like, uh, 3 or 4 months. The younger Duke (aka the one crying and screaming) is supposed to be around 14, 15, or just turned 16. I'm not sure, but it's at least a year from before the time the story officially begins. The day, well, it's basically the night Duke should've died but didn't. I know I haven't talked about in ages, but.. uh.. Duke's past didn't contain much.. umm.. healthy coping skills. So.. Duke.. he snuck out a lot, he physically harmed his body (which left a lot of scars, some X-shaped) all over himself in places like his wrists, forearms, chest.. (even before he met Dawn in person, she put a spell on him so his scars won't always be visible or even fully remembered by Duke himself), and at one point stole alcohol (mostly from his mother when they lived together) to further intentionally harm his own body by himself. So that brings me to my next point. The cans and bottle behind Duke are of an alcoholic beverage. I'm not sure of what though, but it isn't just a regular soda I can say that much. The thing Duke is explaining to Taurel on how he can't just simply die is.. well, he's telling his memory of the night he (fully aware and intentional, for the first time significantly) tried to (slowly and more agonizingly painfully) kill himself. Uh.. in a few chapters, Duke vaguely mentions how he's been obsessed with self destructive behaviors and suicide long before Fierdan "corrupted" him (like the Night of the Black Flames). This is one of the clear distinctions between Duke and Fierdan- Duke isn't intensely afraid of death and especially suicide; Fierdan could have stopped himself from following through with Soulless's plans for him to kill others by killing himself, but to his fear of dying and the pain that comes with it, he couldn't.. so much later, Fierdan regrets choosing murder over suicide (he felt/feels he never had any choice). Dang, that's a lot of deep stuff thrown at you. Oh and it's also on a night where it's raining heavily.. which in turn, causes the place he's standing on (which is pretty high up; Duke likes heights) to be slippery and hard to stand on. Duke basically planned on dying by slicing his arms open (mostly with the X's) and being highly intoxicated while doing it or afterwards. Which is.. complicated? Than just being shot in the head? And, well, he couldn't even die by being shot in the head, so.. ha, ha. Or, like, he could've just jumped over the ledge. Maybe he considered doing that too but didn't go through with that part. Yeah.. story Duke.. yikes. This boy needed (needs) actual legit help instead of the crap he's been getting (was given). 

I was basically typing that whole long paragraph for the past 20 minutes. I hope I didn't forget to include something important there. 

Now that you read and know what to expect, here's the colored (and fixed) version of the drawing I started yesterday. 

-x-x-x- 

I tried.. rip. 

Oh, let me guess. This is your reaction to reading what I just said: 

(W-What the fvck, Cutepups! Please stop. :/ >:/ >:/!) 

Was I right? Tell me in the comments! ... Just kidding, I'm scared of comments lol. 

I also zoomed in on one of the Dukes. Because.. idk.. appreciate how I drew him like a guy. Guy as in looking like a male and not.. well, not that. He looks older, and again, "damn... son." 

Oh and I also like how I drew his black left eye. 

Duke: Help me... 

Me: lol no 

You Viewers: wtf smh 

Oh heck, it's almost midnight. I better finish this post now lol. 

Feel free to kill me yourselves whenever. 

Just kidding. I'm a ghost, so I'm already dead. ;) 

(I hate you, Cutepups.) 

<3 <3 <3 

:•D