random thoughts about my characters @ 2 am

The title basically summarizes this post. Haha yeah, enjoy! 

I'm done posting about that cursed and boring computer game. It's done. It's over now. 

But I have to say. The videos that started the yellow penguin ducks raid were hilarious. Sorry but they had good points. 

Well anyway, the main thing I blog about these days is content related to my story I swear I'm working on. Not the cursed and boring computer game. 

When I was making the post with pictures of the yellow penguin ducks, I thought of my old posts from 2015. 

My posts from then were so wild. How did I make over 400 posts that year? I have no idea. 

http://thejamaamist.blogspot.com/2015/07/comic-and-idk.html

I just reread this comic I made, and I still find it funny. Though I think it's "one hundred" and not "a hundred".. no big deal. Oh and my other account got deleted or something. I don't know where it went. (rip) 

On another note, I was walking around a mall by myself the other day to buy gifts for my family. I bought things, yes, with my own good money. 

Then after that, I saw Aquaman with my brother. 

So I saw two superhero movies in a row. Cool, very cool. :)

Now onto random thoughts about my characters!

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I have specific voices in my head for how I imagine my characters speaking and singing. I think about Duke's a lot, but I don't know how to properly describe it and who to use as references. 

It's the easiest for me to describe Twinkle's voice. She just has a distinctive voice in my head. 

I imagine Twinkle sounding somewhat like a combination of Ellie Goulding (from Halcyon Days) and Ruelle. 

Yeah. Sure. Ok. 

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Not too long ago, I think I said that Ryen and Fierdan .. and Dawn's mother had black/very dark hair. 

Well, I'm here to say that I lied. It doesn't make sense for her to have very dark hair. 

Yeah uh sure ok whatever.

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A few hours ago, I was drawing gift art for deviantart. I'm honestly proud with what I drew. 

I really think my art is improving. I can see the improvement myself now. I feel like I accomplished something. :')

In early November, I was so proud of the Duke drawing I'm currently using as my profile pic. Now I want to draw Duke even better than that. 

Ok so. I have an idea for what Duke's black jacket looks like. But every time I drew it so far, it looks bad and nothing like a functioning jacket. 

Yet when I draw other characters (not my own) wearing jackets, I pay lots of attention to the details of the jacket. 

Anyway, my point is I want to draw Duke wearing his jacket with it actually looking like a jacket. I want to have a drawing of the black jacket that's good in quality. Drawing jackets is a little fun. I'm annoyed at myself for never drawing the collar part of the jacket before. I know that's a part of the jacket, but so far I only draw it on other characters' jackets. 

... I typed "jacket" way too much. I'm gonna stop now. 

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I think the anatomy in my most recent drawings is a lot better than in my drawings from a few months ago. And yes, including the one I have as my profile pic. 

My art looks less shitty! Woohoo!! 

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Ok, this is another one about Duke and my art. Well.. kind of. 

I have an idea for how Duke would look like if I drew him in a realistic style. I surprised myself with how vivid my idea for that is. 

I never drew these features in any of my drawings of Duke, so I'll list them now. 

• The red mark to the right side of Duke's nose. Yeah, I keep on unintentionally drawing and coloring it too big. I guess I do that to make it easier for you guys to see the difference between Duke's appearance and Fierdan's. The red mark is actually supposed to be the size of two or three freckles. And that might be too big. It's not as noticeable as it is in my drawings. Other people only really know it's there if they look at Duke up close. It's hard to see it from a distance. 

• I also have a specific idea for what Duke's (and Fierdan's) nose looks like. That might sound weird, but I have thoughts about it. I never really worked on seriously drawing noses with details. But if I were to ever work on drawing noses, their nose looks a specific way. It's thin for the most part, but well.. it looks different than someone else's, like Twinkle's, nose. 

... It has to do with the fact that Ryen and Fierdan (and by turn, Duke as well) aren't only/completely ethnically/racially white (caucasian). Since when? Since I started making major story changes in 2017, if not earlier. They are partially caucasian though, just not 100%. The current racial stereotypes about races and ethnicities don't exist in the time the story takes place in. The countries we have today no longer exist under the same names in the time the story exists in. Though I have to admit, Duke does give off a pretty strong vibe that he's one of those (stereotypical) "white boys". Haha wrong- he's not even a "white boy" hahahaha. You've been fooled. Hahaha XD lol. 

... There aren't really any cultures and various nationalities in the story world. So uh, there's less of a "divide" between different races..? And on top of that, I think that Z feels more connected and proud of the white half of his ethnicity (one of his parents was white, the other was another race). So when Z has his son, Ryen, he creates this idea that his race (races?) are actually superior because it's more than just one. (it's hard for me to phrase this coherently lol)

... I have ideas for other characters that are POC (not white). Yeah.. 

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My new skit idea. Well, I'm just here to warn you. 

Content warning for alcohol in the first part. 

Duke in these recent skits.. ahh, my heart! </3 

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Oh and I think Duke, throughout his life, has low empathy. Not zero empathy. But low enough that it's not hard to notice the difference between someone with high or a "normal" amount of empathy. 

... Or I'm thinking of sympathy instead. That, or compassion. Maybe it's all three. 

And no. I'm not thinking of it like "being an asshole = low empathy" because that's wrong. I have other reasons for why I think Duke has low empathy. 

I'm too tired now to go into detail. If I remember to, I'll make a post about it. 

I don't think Fierdan ever had low empathy/sympathy/compassion like Duke has. So, well, that's a difference. (idk)

And yes. I know Duke is a highly emotional character who has lots of outbursts. He has a higher priority to his own feelings than those of others. For the most part, he doesn't care nearly as much about other people's feelings. Including others in pain. I think about Duke having a hard time genuinely (no lying, zero bullshit) connecting to the troubles other people are in and feeling their emotions. Why others are upset, in pain, sad, etc. 

And I don't just mean from the time the story begins. Definitely not the Night of the Black Flames. I mean.. Duke's been like that all his life. Since he was a little kid. Especially by the point when the pool scene and the attempt at cutting into his heart occurs. 

... idk maybe I'm just thinking more about how Duke was abused and traumatized from a young age, and of course that would affect his behavior and thoughts pattern and other psychological stuff. 

But hey, Duke is extremely good at pretending he's fine and "normal" and that there's nothing wrong (with him). It's creepy how good he can be at it. But when the whole thing with him realizing his connection to Fierdan and Soulless begins, he loses his "content, normal, everything's fine" facade and doesn't bother trying to bring it back into himself. 

Anyway, there's a reason why Duke cries easily and quite frequently. It has to do with his shitty past. Like, uh.. how he's canonically a victim of child abuse and is mentally ill. (idk, just saying..) 

I want to rewrite a ton to get my points across better and more effectively in the actual story. I know I'll have to do that. 

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*checks my clock and sees it displaying 3:30 AM* 

Oh. Oh ok then. 

(I saved this post as a draft a short while ago.)

Well, it's Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas (eve).

Good night. Good day. Goodbye.