Based on Future Story Scene: Grief

Hi, I'm gonna make a few posts like this. It might help me remember certain scenes and emotions in future Twinkle's Story scenes. Most of the ones I have in mind make me feel... pain.

I planned for the writing to be formatted in a way that looks messy and disorganized. It relates to the emotions. Umm so yeah. 

This one is called "Grief" as you can see. It's about the sudden grieving of character deaths. Characters do die in the story. There are death scenes. Yes, very painful. I love making myself suffer, hahaa. 

Oh and...... 

Most posts like these would be about Duke. As in Duke's POV.

Scenes with Duke in future chapters are... painful. It hurts. This isn't a skit, so he isn't a stupid funny fool here. 

Anyway... I love him so much. I love my fiery @sshole son. 

Oh and that 12 PM thing? That's a personal poem, unrelated to the story. I have a few other personal poems in mind. I don't know if I'll actually post them. Yeah uhh, sensitive content in that one. Death implied themes. Yeah... heck.

I'm gonna use swear words in this. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No, no, no.

No.

Where are you? 

Where the HELL are you?!

Numb. Everything is numb. 

Your body is numb.

You are numb.

The smoke is everywhere. Bullets continue flying. Everything is so loud. 

But it's only background noise.

I know it's so loud, but I can't hear a thing.

Silence. Everything is silent.

You were just lying there. 

Take my hand.

Your body is getting cold.

Why did you have to DIE?

It should have been ME.

Why am I still ALIVE?

I'm the one who is supposed to be DEAD.

I'm numb. I'm paralyzed.

You died because of me.

Damn it.

I'm the one who was supposed to DIE.

It wasn't supposed to be you.

It didn't HAVE TO BE YOU.

It was SUPPOSED TO BE ME.

You are supposed to be ALIVE.

Then why am I holding your dead body?

You were supposed to hold me.

I was supposed to be your dead body to carry.

I can't move. I'm paralyzed.

They were right. I am a monster.

I SHOULD HAVE DIED.

I'm sorry.

I'm SO FUCKING SORRY.

I'm sorry that you got hurt in the crossfire.

I really didn't mean to hurt you.

But I guess that doesn't matter.

Everyone gets hurt.

Because of me.

You didn't have to die.

You deserve to LIVE.

I deserve to DIE.

Why the FUCK am I not DEAD yet?!

Fuck this. Fuck everything.

You are a good person. You were always a good person.

This world is hell. Everything is so fucked up. Damn it.

Everyone makes mistakes. That doesn't fucking matter- DO YOU UNDERSTAND? 

You are good.

You are dead.

Can someone tell me.

WHY?

Why is the bad person alive?

Why is the good person dead?

This isn't fair! Nothing about this is fair.

My body hurts. Everything hurts.

It hurts. It hurts like hell.

I can't move. It wasn't because of them.

You made me paralyzed.

You made me become numb.

It's your fault! 

You should have LIVED, and I hope you know that.

But of course you don't.

Because here I am taking you out of the rubble.

This hell I created. I'm a monster.

Because here I am holding your corpse in my arms.

.......................

I can't move.

I can't see.

I can't speak.

I am paralyzed.

Take me then, damn it! I couldn't save them. I have nothing to live for anymore.

I don't fucking care anymore. I'm sick of being a player in this game called Hell.

Do whatever the hell you want with me. 

Just kill me already!

I wasn't supposed to exist.

I'm not supposed to be alive.

By killing them, you killed me too.

Then why am I still breathing? Why is my heart still beating?

This can't be considered living. This isn't being alive.

Then why am I not dead? 

..............

I'm so sorry.

I already miss you.

I missed you.

I miss you so much.

I loved you.

I loved you so much.

You made me happy when nobody and nothing else could.

You showed me that good people exist.

But now you're gone.

You left me behind.

I can't live without you.

I'm in the state between life and death.

This isn't living. Without you, I can't be alive.

These tears feel like acid.

My throats feels raw.

It hurts so much.

I love you.

I'm sorry.

I couldn't save you.

I couldn't protect you.

I'm so sorry.

I love you.

I always did.

I'm sorry I didn't save you.

I'm sorry I was too late.

This isn't real.

I'm dreaming.

I'm hallucinating.

Right?

Wrong.

This is very real.

This is real.

I'm alive and you're dead, but it should have ended the other way around.

I'm so sorry.

I'll never stop remembering the memories we shared.

I never forgot them.

I remembered all of them.

You are gone, and you can't come back.

I'm so sorry.

I love you.

Ardere, I loved you like a brother.

I wanted to adopt you if I could, but now it's too late.

You're dead.

Finny, you're my best friend.

I wanted us to become something more, but now it's too late.

Because now you're dead.

In the middle of the crossfire.

Where it should have been me.

I'm sorry we can't have that future together.

I love you, and I'm so fucking sorry.

I never expected me to make that final goodbye.

Sorry for saying sorry so much.

It's just that.

I'm so sorry.

For everything.

Goodbye.