oh right it's after midnight

Which means I'll talk about yesterday. Friday.

The day felt like a Saturday and a Monday at the same time. Yeah.. what.. ??

I won't be online next Saturday. I'm dead one way or another. That's the real tea.

Today isn't going to be much better. Yeah man, life sucks. Being alive is a weird type of struggle.

I'm so overwhelmed and have a lot of anxiety and I'm such a cold person who is way too sensitive... and, and, and-- 

I'm tired of nearly literally everything. 

I keep on having unpleasant dreams whenever I fall asleep. I might post about the most detailed one I had a few days ago. Heh.. bad content. It's so messed up.

I want to post about Eye Examination for a little bit now though. 

I think it's funny and strange that nobody pointed out that I wrote that Taurel has a left hand in that. Since, well, he chopped that hand of his off. And well, he will have a left hand when that scene rolls around. Explaining is complicated. Weird damn hand. It's damaging, haha ahh.

While I was in school on Friday, I kept on daydreaming about Duke in that scene and other parts of what I like to call the "torture and loss of sanity/humanity arc".

My thoughts about Duke.. wow, how pleasant. Pfft. They are compared to what I think about when it comes to real life things. Haha.. dang it, Cutepups. Stop this.

Thinking about what his eyes go through (especially his left one) makes my eyes hurt. It's so painful having that happen to your eyes. Geez ow what the hell. 

I think it like this: A small sharp knife. But instead of a knife, it's an insect that's like a large firefly. Add on a huge stinger to the rear end of the insect. From that, electricity comes out as well as the bug's natural light. And this electric stinger is inserted into Duke's left eye repeatedly. Oh and unlike that writing piece, it ends up happening for more than just one day. The more times this happens, the deeper the artificially modified insect goes in his eye.

Ah yes. Pain. Starting to talk about torture stuff is making me excited. That's only the beginning lmao.

What else...

I think of the haircut parallel being very important. Parallel between Twinkle and Duke. Couldn't be more opposite. Twinkle wanted to cut her hair, so she liked doing that. Duke doesn't cut his hair, someone else does. And it's forced. He desperately doesn't want his hair to be cut and shaved. Especially for certain reasons. Talk about Twinkle and Duke growing apart, lmao.

Thinking about the Duke haircut scene pains me. It makes me feel things. Oh, what's this? I'm haunted.

Oh and I was also imagining how Duke would sound like in the beginning of the torture arc (an example being in Eye Examination). I hear it in a weirdly very specific way. 

To clarify (or not, idk), I don't imagine those screams sounding anything similar to any other time Duke screamed before. Because it's like.. actual physical torture. 

There aren't any words. When the tool of torture comes in contact with Duke's body or when it's hold right in front of Duke's face, I imagine Duke's voice going painfully way higher pitch. There's also this weird, something that's vaguely like "clearing a throat" sound going on when that happens. It's like screaming, shrieking, and crying all combined.

Yeah, I think that's specific. Dang, I kinda wish I could know where and how I could post how I imagine Duke sounding in those scenes. That'll be a weird thing to search up, huh.

Oh, is this stuff making you uncomfortable? Are you scared? What do you expect from me? It's October, the scariest month of the year.

And for this year, that's definitely a fact.

I'm so scared. Help me. 

But real life is much more complicated than even a complex story. I'll always prefer pain in fiction than pain in the real world. 

Talking about the pains my characters go through is much easier than doing that about myself. Doing it with my characters makes me much more happier than doing it about myself. 

Duke is one of my favorite characters to play with to vent. He's perfect, wtf.

I want to use him for a vent piece. Oops haha.

I might as well be dead by this time next week. 

Despite it all, he's a reason I'm still alive when my mind is obsessing over death.

Funny stupid fool. Mysterious unstable @sshole. Tragedy messed up boy. Ticking bomb. ... that's all Duke. Umm true.

The writing pieces I'm gonna post soon are gonna be confusing. For both my story related ones, and for my personal self poems.

Yeah uh...

Bye. :'-)