The more I think about Duke's character, the more I love him. Skit Duke is very different from what'll happen to Duke in the story. Story Duke.. geez, he needs a hug. Because I keep on making his life worse, haha. So much pain, ahh.
Sorry to anyone who is annoyed at me for posting about Duke so much. I love him so freaking much. I like making fun of him in my skits because he's such a fool in those. But like, in the story, I get defensive over anyone genuinely insulting him (not including my other characters though, haha) because Duke is my tragedy fire boy 2.0 (Fierdan is the original 1.0 of course).
Oh and about Fierdan, I finally have a clearer reason behind certain story stuff. And now.. geez.. I freaking love Fierdan so much. These mind games, man. Fierdan also needs hugs. Haha, I'm so cruel to Duke and Fierdan. I'm sorry, boys. I love you so much, haha aww.
If I have enough time to, I'll post the story poem about the reason. I'm hoping to write about it in Chapter 76 in Fierdan's POV at some point. Wow, his POV is gonna destroy me.
My heckling mind: If I see anyone shipping Fierdan/Danny with the mysterious A girl character after they read the poem/chapter, all my hecking hecks are going to attack. Doing that is very bad. Please, like, don't. Umm.. Fierdan and A.. it's complicated. Oh and no, it's nothing like how it is with Dawn.
The A character isn't my foolish friend. She isn't you, fool. A is the mysterious girl. Who is she? Oh, she's the girl. Haha yes wtf I love her. Fierdan keeps on thinking about her in Chapter 76, and she leaves him Shook TM.
The A girl was what the A name poll was about. About what her name should be. So whatever name won would be her name. Yep, that's nice.
Oops, I'm getting distracted from the main topic of this post. One more thing.
The screaming videos from last post also fit how I imagine Duke screaming in this chapter: http://thejamaamist.blogspot.com/2017/03/twinkle-story-chapter-63.html
"Ardere sends out another lightning bolt. It zaps out the small fire.
I stare at it. I suddenly get the thought of something happening to Ardere that causes my demise.
The demise of Duke. The death of me. Of who I once was.
Then I think of that dream again.
I stand at the edge of the cliff and scream at the top of my lungs."- Duke's POV in Chapter 63
Duke doesn't scream for no reason. Duke and I just didn't directly state the reason why or what caused him to.
All the other characters except Dawn think he's doing it because who knows what the hell Duke's up to. I also think you readers think he screamed because he's being like that stupid funny skit Duke.
In that chapter, Duke saw a vision of a nightmare in his mind. Which is foreshadowing. And he's screaming in horror. And, well, it's basically about the deaths of them. How Duke unintentionally led Ardere to his death, how Ardere dies, and how Ardere's death kills Duke and leads to the death of how he was before.
Dawn thought Duke was screaming like that because of the parallel between him and Fierdan. And around that time, Fierdan is screaming and being horrified because he's getting memories about his Pre-Fierdan self. Those human world memories. Lots of effed up things happened. Dawn doesn't know all the human world memories, but now Fierdan knows some things that Dawn doesn't know about. They're, uh, very bad things. Effed up childhoods. Effed up means fvcked up.
Hmm, the screaming videos also remind me of what I imagine Duke sounding like when he hears the gunshots and then realizes that Ardere died.
It's plenty of angst, but it's necessary. I can't really explain why, but it is. Ardere, well, he has to die. It makes me sad, but it has to be done. There are reasons for it.
Well haha, as long as I don't write Chapter 76 and Chapter 77, he won't die. Me not writing is keeping him alive.
My computer is broken, so I can't really write new chapters anyway. I don't feel like typing on the iPad is a good idea. I don't trust it.
I really want to write Chapter 76 though. So maybe I'll write parts of it in separate posts. But ugh, I don't like that idea.
In 2015, I said this story would get very sad and full of the feels at some point. I said the story would get very violent later on.
And well, I'm at that point in the story. There's lots of violence; there's lots of angst.
Ok so maybe I was saying that as a joke in 2014. But if you think I always meant that as a joke, then you've got to be kidding me.
Story =/= Skit. The story gets dark. I feel kinda weird if younger siblings read the full story with their parents. Honestly, I'd rate it ages teen up (13, 14+).
Like, for real though.
Fierdan going into detail about Soulless possessing, manipulating, and abusing him. Fierdan breaking bodies, burning bodies. Fierdan having killed people. The reasons Fierdan killed his father (and he only got valid reasons on why when he got his human memories back).
Danny, Ryen, and Dawn during the Pre-Fierdan time period. Dawn's life. What they had to go through. What Z made them do. What Z did to them. The different abuses. Just.. Dawn.
The killings. The deaths. The fights. The violence, the gore, the body horror.
Characters that you know kill other characters that you know. Fierdan isn't the only killer. Characters die. Way more than one. Ardere isn't the only character that'll die. Most of the characters will die.
The dehumanizing.. and not only because they call humans, foxes. Characters being told by adults that they are allowed to hurt them (Dawn and Duke) because they're not valid enough to be considered children. But when the bad messed up stuff happens to them, they are children. They're both under 18. Because of how Dawn and Duke exist, they're called worse beings that don't deserve human decency, that they shouldn't have ever existed, and that they're monsters. Dawn can't control who her parents were, and Duke can't control how the fusion of Fierdan and Soulless became him. Dawn and Duke get treated like crap because these adults won't see them as children when they literally are just that.
Duke going into detail about abuse, self harm, and suicide attempts.
.... uh, this is getting long. But like, that content is gonna happen for real in the story. It's very messed up. Doesn't seem to be all that child-friendly happy story content.
There are reasons why Duke was like that.
Lmao I should put mature filters for going into depth about Duke, Dawn, Fierdan, and Ryen's pasts. Especially the first three.
Uh.. where was I going with this post? Oh hmm...
Oh, Chapter 63! Now let me talk about Sparkle and Finny for a moment.
Finny must have influenced Sparkle's thinking. Because like.. Chapter 63 and Chapter 75.
In Chapter 63, Sparkle views Duke as being equal, if not worse, than Fierdan. She hates him and doesn't view him as being related to her by family anymore. She thinks that Duke being captured and tortured is a must that has to happen. That it'll teach Fierdan a lesson.
In Chapter 75, Sparkle and Duke meet in person after not seeing each other for several months. This is basically the first time in the entire story that they're shown talking to each other. The other time was in the beginning of the story when it's only through the eyes of Twinkle who doesn't really know Duke and Sparkle that well. Until Chapter 75, we only know about how Duke and Sparkle get along is from Duke telling Twinkle certain things about that. While in school, Duke and Sparkle were seen as friends; two people in the cool kids group. When the concept of Duke being deeply connected to Fierdan comes into the picture, that bond breaks. Sparkle hates Duke now. Just like how she devalued Twinkle as another person worthy of respect while they were all in school, she's devaluing Duke now. Well anyway, Sparkle is begging desperately to Duke and Dawn that Duke isn't really connected to Fierdan even though he really is. Sparkle wants it all to be a bad dream, just a lie. But Dawn and Duke tell her that he's Fierdan. That that's the truth. Sparkle reveals that she's only been sticking with Taurel and Risak because she thinks they can help save Duke from Fierdan. As if Fierdan is totally separate from Duke. But the thing is, they aren't. Duke and Fierdan are connected. Duke's existence is a part of Fierdan that he (Fierdan) lacks.
So, onto more Duke and Ardere content from previous chapters. (Finally!)
"I'll do my best to protect you. I don't know what it is, but there is something about you. It's as if I want to be your brother. I want to keep you safe. I don't want you to be hurt by my actions as well. I don't know what I'll do if I caused you to be harmed in any way. I'll do anything to make sure you're safe from your father. I promise you, Ardere."- Duke thinking about Ardere in Chapter 63.
"I can only see the black of his shirt. This has got to be the tightest hug I've ever been given. In a raspy voice, he says, "It'll be okay. I p-promise." "No, don't go anywhere. Just stay here. Don't leave me." Except if only it has happened. Duke knows we share a bond. Does he see me as a brother? A close friend? I brace myself for the tight hug. I try to wrap my arms around him but it's hard for me to. I only just realized that he is trembling. It haunts me how much Duke feels like only skin and bones. I decide to just leave my arms down at my sides. "I won't let them hurt you. I'll surrender my life before they can do anything to you," I hear him say. He only replies by saying, "I'll protect you with my life. I'll do my best to make sure you don't die because of me." "Worry? It's okay to feel fear. I'll make sure you will remain safe, my wolf brother. If they want you that badly, then they will have to go through me first." "No, not exactly. It symbolizes something. Something bad. I don't want to change into something even more bad. I don't want to turn into a phantom demon." Was the amber always that intense? "I don't want to die, Ardere.""- Duke talking to Ardere in Ardere's POV in Chapter 65.
In Chapter 65, Duke is still horrified by his vision of Ardere's death. And he's saying he'll do whatever he can to prevent that from ever happening.. and he fails. Duke knows that the lightning zapping out the fire symbolizes that. And that's what he's so terrified of.
"Ardere has a smile on his face. Maybe that's why I love him so much. He has a smile that lights up his entire face. He has a troubled life too, and yet here he is still trying to be as positive as he can be. He's a sweet little kid; his eyes are even the same color as warm honey. Ardere reminds me of Junior, that kid who I played darts with in a hospital game room, so much. I wonder how that boy is doing. And strangely enough, Ardere also reminds me of human child Fierdan. Who would have expected that such a cute and happy boy who loved colors would turn into a murderous and pain-loving monster who only knew the color black? The more cute and innocent someone is being forced to have their life change for the worst forever, the more cruel and messed up they become."- Duke's POV in Chapter 66.
""Yeah, she's right. When we first entered that forest, you were getting on my nerves. When we exited it, however, I'm not afraid to admit that I fell in love with you like a little brother. Your happiness has dripped down onto me, and I'm grateful for that. It was like you were the first person I ever spoke to who actually understood certain things. To hate your body, who you are; to have a complicated life regarding your parents. I called myself a freak so many times, but you said that wasn't true every time I said it.""- Duke talking to Ardere in Ardere's POV in Chapter 66.
"Every person dies by getting killed. The only difference is how. Will it be because of weapons, or will it be because of time?
People can die emotionally over and over again, and yet they can still be considered alive. However, people get killed when they physically die in one way or another.
You and me, Duke. We will die for each other. Which one do you choose? What's our fate?
Which one of us will die physically, and which one will die emotionally?
I wonder which one is more painful.
I shake my head and stand up after Duke. The iris of his left eye turns amber again as he smiles at me. "I love you like the brother I never had," we say at the same time."- Ardere's POV in Chapter 73.
See? I have all that good Duke and Ardere content. :') <3 ;-;
Oh and I also love how I imagine Fierdan sounding when he says these lines when he's mad and yelling. I just love how I hear his voice in my head. Especially at these parts. His voice.. umm, yes.
""Father taught me that people's lives are meaningless. People live only to die. You sure are one to talk. Zios threw our lives away and left us to die!""- Fierdan talking to Dawn in Dawn's flashback in Chapter 69.
I also love how I imagine hearing Dawn's desperation during that part of the chapter. Her voice, her emotions.. umm, yes.
Bless their voices. I love how they sound in my head. Haha yeah. <3
For example, Dawn talking to Fierdan during the same flashback in Chapter 69: "Zios is dead! Your father is dead! D-e-a-d dead." I take a deep breath before saying, "Do lives of people mean absolutely nothing to you? Are people worth nothing? Lives have value, Fierdan! You can't just continue throwing people's lives away!"
Yes, girl! Stand up to creepy corrupted Fierdan. Dawn, you're doing amazing, sweetie.
For Fierdan's dialogue at that part, I imagine Fierdan sounding cold and quiet for most of it. But then he yells at Dawn when he says, "and left us to die!" When he says that, he doesn't sound quiet and cold. He's full of anger and hatred when he says it. Lots of raging emotions.
I also imagine Fierdan's voice going from vicious and cold to yelling fiery rage in Chapter 70 at this part in the Anonymous POV (Ryen POV): "You hated our father so much, but I ended up the one hating him more. I did what Soulless wanted me to do for so many years. It abused me physically and mentally until I wanted to kill him myself. It made me kill many people. I'm obviously not a damn human, stupid. I lost my humanity a long time ago, and it's your fault. It's more your fault than father's!"
Fierdan's yelling voice. Scary, unlike the quiet scared voice he usually has like when he's in Cincernum. Anyway, I love his voice. Dang son, you are my beautiful boy.
Fire df boy has a hot voice? Mm yes.
I was typing this post for three hours. Wow, it's a long post. Haha yikes.
I gotta reveal everything in my posts now because I don't know if I'll live to next week. I don't know if I'll survive next weekend. Life is killing me; I'm practically killing myself.
Ahh...
Bye. ^-^
~ Cutepups
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