update-ish

Hi. I'm probably gonna finish typing this post after midnight (it's 11:50 right now), and it's a school night. But do I care about that? Not really.

I mean I could've typed something up a little earlier, but then I obviously didn't. And so, I'm typing this now when it's nearly midnight and when I'm lying in my bed in the dark. Yep, what a time.

Without further ado, the actual post content!

..... yeah. we get it. o kay.

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First off, I've gotta come clean. For around a week now, I haven't been actively checking Blogger (notifications, this blog). I mean I still have been keeping this bad excuse of a blog as an open tab, but I haven't been looking and reading my own posts and notifications as much. Oh and by notifications, I really mean comments. I know I've gotten new comments, and I know I haven't replied yet. Honestly, I don't check for comments as frequently anymore, and so I don't read them as soon. And also, replying decently.. hmm.

For the entire month so far, I feel like I've been so distant on here. It might not seem that way to you, but it does to me. I notice my own inactivity. And no, I have no real excuses.

Skits.. I haven't made another one of those in a while. I can't come up with any ideas on how to continue a New Year's Day skit, so I'm just gonna ignore what I said back then and skip doing that.

However, this was the only skit thing I came up with recently...:

[In school hallway at the end of the school day]

Duke: *sighs, speaking out loud to himself because he's.. him* Waiting to hear back from colleges is stressful. *sighs*
Brock: *has suddenly appeared behind Duke, places his hand on Duke's shoulder* What if we end up going to the same college? ;)
Duke: *gets spooked and annoyed* Ah.. *steps away from Brock* That's not happening.
Brock: *calling after Duke* Oh, just you wait and see!
Duke: Hell no!

.... yeahh.

I can only think of skits being about school stuff that's vaguely happening to me. Since that's like, the only thing that's happening in my life.

I'm so stressed for college, kill me.

About college, I have hope that I'll have an actual future. I forgot if I said it before, but I got accepted. And now I have two college acceptances. Which means I'll be going to college. What the heck.

Oh and those were my two favorite schools that I applied to. Yeah woo.

But they're small, non-state universities, and not that "hard" to get into. But, y'know, I'm really not ambitious at all, so getting accepted to a school is.. a good feeling. It validates me that I'm not a total failure. Ayy.

And so, that's why I quickly wrote that poem in the last post. I felt so good and full of light and everything good and life was good and I felt happy. I'm also trying to be more positive in this new year, so writing something like that was a start.

(I know the second sentence in that paragraph isn't a real sentence or whatever, but I don't care.)

I'm also annoyed because I keep on having unhappy dreams, I only got five hours of sleep (well, for yesterday- it's 12:30 now lol), and I'm not even half as happy as I was when I wrote that poem in the previous post.

I literally can't stay genuinely happy for more than three days at a time. Do you know how exhausting it is? It's exhausting. I'm so tired of this crap. Can I be happy and love life for more than a day? Apparently not. I hate this body. I don't even like being happy for long because that makes my body feel more energized (even if I'm not doing anything physically active) and I wear down and get so tired a lot faster and easier. It's annoying, ugh.

Uh.. my hands feel weird. I hate this, too. What the hell is with my hands? Geez.

I'm working on (fixing up) some drawings. They have Duke in them. Of course they do. I'm always out there, drawing my fire emo boy, in my free time.

By that, I mean I don't draw that much in my free time nowadays, but when I do, it's probably of Duke or Fierdan.

Uh.. I want to draw Dawn better because my last drawing of her was such a disgrace. I mean it still is. It's still disgraceful. Yeah eww.

Fun fact: It's 12:40 now, and I kid you not.. I heard this bird shriek like a little dinosaur right outside my bedroom window. It startled me. What the heck was that?

I'm gonna hate myself for staying up this late. Oh well. Screw it.

Well haha ha, bye!

~ Cutepups (the name, C'pup, has been stuck in my head.. what is this? stop being a loser fool who's trying to be punk and cool, @ me. stop it. yikes. go sleep, stupid.)

PS: Life is a heckin--