12 hours later + J

Nah, the title doesn't have a poetic meaning or anything like that. 

Hi. I have returned. Around 12 hours ago, I made my last (ridiculous) post. 

I could tolerate my family better as the day went on. (thank goodness) 

I don't remember that much from that terrifying dream I had, but I kinda want to write a post about it. 

Not now though. 

Geez, it messed me up. That dream.. big yikes. 

Ok so if I remember the gist of it when I wake up in the morning, I'll jot it down on here. Take pleasure in my suffering- thanks! 

Anyway, I decided to make this post because I want to give a brief description about this "J" character I've been talking (and thinking) about a lot recently. 

(Should I use bullet-points? Eh, I'm gonna use them.)

Bad descriptive bullet-points of "J" boy: 

• For some reason, I see him rarely (maybe never?) having "average" or "normal" hair styles. Well, at least when comparing his hair to other guys. 

• I imagine his most stable/long-lasting hair style is an undercut (the bottom half of the back of his head is shaved, the sides are trimmed, the hair on the top of his head grows out). Or he has one side of his head shaved while the hair on the other side grows out and is a little long. 

• And on top of that, I think of "J" constantly getting his hair dyed. He rarely keeps his head hair his natural hair color. His natural hair color is probably some shade of brown. I'm leaning more towards a darker shade, but I'm not entirely sure yet. His hair is usually dyed either light gray or silver, white, black, or purple. If his hair is dyed purple, only the ends of the hair would be that color. 

• His eye color is a light blue-gray. They probably look a little more gray than blue. 

• His skin is very pale. He can look ghost-like because of it. 

• He really likes tattoos and piercings. He might have some. But they don't really cause him to have an intimidating vibe. 

• He's gay. (so, so gay)

• He's either the same height as Fierdan or is an inch to two inches taller than him. 

• Similarly to how I think of Ardere and little kid Danny Pre-Fierdan being adorable and sweet kids that act happy and enjoy making the people they love happy, I think of "J" as being the adult version of that happiness. Compared to the rest of the main character squad (in story 2), he is the best at cheering people up.. at least more successfully than the others. 

• He's full of so much love. I can just imagine Fierdan (Danny) being like, "Why are you being so nice to me?" and "J" would just continue smiling because he truly enjoys spending time with him. And while Fierdan (Danny) is full of doubts, "J" is probably just thinking about how much he likes him. Don't ask me why or how. I'm not sure what made him fall for Fierdan because... well, you know everything about him from what I wrote in posts. 

• When "J" tells Fierdan (Danny) some of his feelings about him and pretty much asks Fierdan (Danny) out, Fierdan (Danny) definitely can't believe it either. That only makes him more skeptical of "J", haha. I can imagine Fierdan (Danny) being all like, "*thinks* There must be something wrong with this guy. He wants us to be boyfriends? *says out loud* B-Boy.. friend? *then his shock and confusion causes him to blush a lot?*" 

• (I'm writing it as "Fierdan (Danny)" because he goes by the name, Danny, for the majority of story 2.) 

• "J" is the one that pushes their relationship on from friends to lovers. Most of the time, Fierdan (Danny) is wondering why "J" is being so nice/friendly/happy to and around him. 

• At times, it looks like "J" loves Danny/Fierdan and that Danny/Fierdan doesn't love him back. There are reasons for that, but despite it all, Danny/Fierdan genuinely loves "J".

• The majority of story 2 is Fierdan going under the name, Danny. He "throws Fierdan away" and disconnects himself from it. That is until the end of story 2 when he "reclaims" Fierdan. Because of the name changes, he doesn't have a core self or stable sense of identity. He doesn't really know who he truly is. Despite all that, "J" stays with Danny/Fierdan and is generally supportive of his decisions. 

Oops, I'm going more into Danny/Fierdan at this point. 

Mentally and emotionally, story 2 Danny/Fierdan is a total wreck. I've been so focused on him being portrayed as someone who's obviously mentally ill and severely traumatized.. but none of that really relates to how he's like an "inhumane monster" because of his past actions. Fierdan (even in story 1) is on the top of the list of people who refuse to condone his actions. Though of course that escalates in story 2. 

Honestly, a large portion of story 2 is humanizing Danny/Fierdan. Oh and hey. He's a main character, one of the several protagonists. 

By the end of story 2 and definitely by story 3, Fierdan is the strongest he's ever been. Most confident. Most powerful. But unlike in the previous stories, he's strong/confident/powerful in a healthy (aka not toxic) way. 

I'm so proud of my fire man's progress. :') 

Back to "J" man. 

There comes a time (most likely in story 3) when "J" becomes less blindly supportive of Fierdan. He doesn't want to call his boyfriend, "Fierdan", especially when they're in private. Because no matter what, "Fierdan" sounds like "fear Dan" and that's what it pretty much originally 'translated' to. For so long, "J" has been all about how he "doesn't fear" Danny/Fierdan, so he becomes frustrated that Danny wants him to also use the Fierdan name. Sure, "Fierdan" could have a different meaning than its original one, but it would always sound like "fear" at first. It's very, very hard for "J" to feel threatened and afraid of Danny/Fierdan. He just can't. He sees through Danny/Fierdan; he knows Danny/Fierdan in ways no other character can. 

Danny, you're being ridiculous. Have "J" smack some common sense into you. (smh)  

Character names are confusing. 

Ok, now I'm done. Bye.