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Wednesday, January 23, 2019

I Have No Home / Take Me Home (skit 5)

@ Duke: what the heck 

Part 5- enjoy! 

The skit is continuing right where the previous part ended.

Warning: contains explicit language, alcohol mention, death/suicide mention, scars mention

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[Duke's perspective. The words in italics are his thoughts. When that's over, the regular skit dialogue will begin.] 

There they are. They're all here, looking at me. I can see them. I can actually see them. They look so fucking real. No, they are real. I can feel it. 

The liveliness in each and every one of them radiates off their bodies and hits my own with full force. They are alive- breathing, living. Shit, am I alive too? 

I must be. I'm standing on my own two feet. There's a feeling of warmth in these walls. The warmth is welcoming. I have a home. This is it. This is my home. 

Have you ever truly looked at someone before? Have you ever noticed the little details about them? 

Twinkle and Finny have blue eyes. I love blue eyes. They contrast with the fiery glint in my brown eyes. My first loves were Finny and Twinkle. I loved them. I really did. I wish I could dive into those blue depths. I long to swim in the deep blue sea.

I don't have to press my fingers to my wrists or neck. I already know they're still there. They haven't gone away. The scars haven't faded. They mark my skin as a reminder of my past. A longing for pain, blood, and death. Not once or twice but over and over again. I'm a self-destructive catastrophe. 

It's been a few days, but I can still feel the last drops of alcohol in my bloodstream. I feel buzzed yet alert. I must be drunk. I must be sober. I'm a mix of the two. There isn't any alcohol left in the system that is known as my body.

I can't be alive. I killed myself. This can't be real; this isn't real. 

No. I am alive. This is real. 

Twinkle's short blue hair. Finny's blond hair. The curls in Ryen's black hair. Ardere's unbrushed dirty blond hair. Fauna's long blond hair. Dawn's long brown hair. Sparkle's natural brown hair showing through her roots. Brock's short brown hair. 

I see it all. These are the people of my home. They make up the community where I belong. We're made up of friends and family. Damn. I love these people. I love my people. There's a hole in my heart, but it still has the ability to love. 

Eyes are fascinating. Dawn's green eyes left me mesmerized the first time I saw them. They're the color of the healthiest green grass I have ever seen. Her eyes are so much more than emeralds; they're worth so much more. She's worth so much more. Dawn is one of a kind. She is priceless. She's only worth the universe and nothing less. 

Eyes are beautiful. Ardere has light brown eyes. Mine aren't that dark either. Unlike my eyes and Fierdan's eyes, there is no dark edge in his. Ardere hasn't been dehumanized and turned into an object. He never got fucking used like I was. I've been reduced to an object- for lustful pleasure and violent fantasies. I've turned myself into a weapon. I have no right to call myself a human. Fuck. There's no fire in his eyes. He's innocent. His eyes are bright. I can feel the sweetness. Ardere's eyes vaguely remind me of a mix of honey and liquid copper. But he is worth at least a city of gold. 

I killed myself to come here. I died to be here. 

I must speak. 

[Time: 7:30 pm. Duke hasn't moved a step.] 

Ryen: *is the only one left standing by Duke, is a little confused* You can come inside. Everyone else is back in the living room. Care to join us, Duke? 
Duke: *blinks his eyes a few times, quickly jerks his head upward to look at Ryen better who is much taller than him* What? 
Ryen: *chuckles* Come with me. 
Duke: *his voice sounds like his mind is in a fog* Okay. *grabs onto Ryen's closest forearm* 
Ryen: *flinches* Geez, your hands are cold. 
Duke: That's to be expected. *wraps his fingers around Ryen's arm* 
Ryen: No, it's like they feel.. dead. 
Duke: *his voice sounds different, more normal* That makes sense. I died, by the way. 
Ryen: Excuse me. What? 

[Duke doesn't say anything until he's in the room where everyone else is. Ryen and Duke walk into the living room together. The others are in the middle of a conversation.] 

Twinkle: *laughs* That's such a weird coincidence. Dawn, Ardere, and I all had to write essays themed about 'home' and what that word means to us. It's kinda funny that we all go to different schools, but we had similar essay prompts. Our teachers must be very interested in the concept of 'home' then! 
Dawn: *chuckles* Yeah. When I was writing mine, I got a little frustrated because one of the questions in my prompt was about parents, and.. well, you know the rest. 
Fierdan: *crosses arms* They had no right to bring that up. 
Dawn: I never told the people at school about.. them. 
Fierdan: Why not? Do you want to be forced to think of your parents? 
Twinkle: *frowns* Of course she doesn't. What kind of absurd question is that? 
Fierdan: *sighs* I don't know. Sorry. I don't want her to get hurt by ignorant people bringing up parents when they don't know what we- no, what she- had to go through. 
Dawn: It's okay, Fierdan. I understand your sentiment, but I'm fine. Please don't overthink it. 
Ardere: *smiles* Maybe I'm just thinking too much, but the 'home' themed essays we had to write bring us a sense of connection. It connects us. 
Fierdan: *uncrosses his arms* That's it! Home symbolizes connection. Duke and I were away from everyone else, and people make up a home. We weren't actually home because we were away from you guys. Duke and I have been disconnected. Coming home means the connection has been restored. 
Sparkle: Huh? What? 
Finny: *is the first to notice Ryen and Duke* Oh hey, they finally joined us. 
Brock: *turns his head* 'Sup! 
Duke: *clears his throat then says* I killed myself to come here. I died to be here. 
Brock: What the hell is that supposed to mean? 
Finny: I thought you took a literature class, Brock. 
Brock: I did! That doesn't mean I understand a thing Duke just said. 
Ryen: *looks at Fierdan* Fierdan? Do you know? 
Fierdan: *shrugs* No, not really. 
Duke: *looks slightly offended* Hey! What do you mean 'not really'? You obviously know what I mean. 
Fauna: Uh... 
Fierdan: All I know is one night, Duke got drunk on a bottle of wine and decided to kill himself the next day. 
Duke: Excuse you. I drank, got drunk, and killed myself all in the same 24 hours. 
Finny: *is alarmed* What? 
Duke: And before anyone asks, I was pretty much sober when I stabbed myself in the chest with a steak knife. 
Sparkle: What is wrong with you? 
Duke: I had to die in order to come home. If I didn't die, Fierdan and I wouldn't be here right now. 
Dawn: Is that true? 
Fierdan: I.. *glances at Duke* I think so. 
Sparkle: Yeah sure. 
Finny: Huh. 
Duke: *walks toward the couch where the majority of them are sitting* I drank nearly a bottle at 5 am, and I killed myself in the afternoon. 
Brock: Drunkie. 
Ryen: Stop that. 
Brock: You got drunk, right?
Duke: As Fierdan and I have said, yes I got drunk. 
Brock: Why? 
Duke: *suddenly sits on Brock's lap* Because I felt like it. 
Brock: What did you do while you were drunk? 
Duke: Nothing. I just went to sleep. 
Twinkle: Geez, Duke, what the fuck happened to you? 
Duke: *accidentally hits Brock in the stomach with his elbow* Actually, you know what? You want to know why, Brock? I had a disturbing dream- except it wasn't a dream, it actually happened- and I wanted to forget it. But did I? No. 
Fierdan: *sighs* Duke, stop--
Duke: *cuts him off* No. I'm not going to fucking stop. Fuck off my back. 
Brock: I'd move over. But like. Duke, you're literally on top of me. 
Duke: Ah shit, sorry. *gets up so Brock can move over, sits back down between Brock and Finny* By the way, I only got drunk on wine because my stomach was basically empty, and I didn't drink that much alcohol all at once in a long time. I couldn't find anything else. If I found something better- like vodka, I don't know- I would've drank that. But I couldn't find any. I'm not a weak ass pu--
Fauna: Well then. 
Duke: What? 
Fauna: Isn't today your birthday? 
Duke: Yeah. *looks toward the hallway* Got any birthday beer for me and Fierdan? 
Dawn: *frowns* 
Duke: *rolls his eyes, leans back* Just kidding. 
Fierdan: *sighs* 

[I'm bored of this. Two hours later.] 

Ardere: I was hoping it would be you two at the door, and I was right! 
Duke: That's awesome. Thanks for never losing faith in us. 
Twinkle: *is a little annoyed* Hey, none of us lost faith! 
Duke: *sounds a little sarcastic* Aww, that's sweet. Thanks. 
Twinkle: *rolls her eyes* You're still such a dick. 
Duke: Oh Twinkle, I bet you wouldn't be thinking that if you could read my mind. 
Twinkle: What the hell is that supposed to mean? 
Fierdan: *enters the room* It means he really missed you. We both did. Well, not just you. Everyone else too. 
Duke: Man, you're right. I missed everyone so fucking much. *lies down on the floor* Here's a random fact. This house is the first one I ever lived in that actually feels like a 'home'. I didn't really have a place to call my home before then. I was born into a place that lacked safety and love. I never had a place of comfort to return to when I was growing up. Now I do. *smiles* My home is with you guys. And I'm so, so damn happy that I get to spend the night of my 19th birthday with you. 
Fierdan: Yeah. I don't need any special gifts, even if I did turn 21 today. Being home again is the only birthday gift I would have wanted. 
Twinkle: You know what? I was worried that we wouldn't be able to see you guys today. Gosh, I said this so many times in the past hour. Screw it, I'll say it again. Happy birthday, Duke. Happy birthday, Fierdan. *pauses* I'm so relieved I get to see you in person again. *smiles* I'm glad you're okay. I don't know what I would do if I never got to see you again. I never said goodbye. 

But I'm not okay. I never said goodbye either. I died so many times, and you were always oblivious. This time, I died in order to see you again. 

And you think I'm okay? That Fierdan is okay? 

I'm sorry. You couldn't be more wrong. 

We are fiery impulsive disasters. And me? I'm nothing short of a self-destructive catastrophe who burns everything in my way. 

I don't want to burn you. I only leave scars. 

Please don't notice mine.

[Sorry, I'm too tired to continue this. I'm no longer interested. That's it. The End.] 

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