1001% true accurate believe me

(From my tumblr)

Alrighty, so here's the deal. I got asked this question, "How do you write a story? *sun emoji*" and I feel like answering it on here as well.

How do I write Twinkle's Story? Hmm, let's see.

This is very true and accurate. Believe me I'm old.

My answer to this question (which are both very serious indeed):

How do you write a story? What kind of question is that? You think I know how to write? That’s where you are wrong, you fool! Who said I know how to read? What is a story? What’s a book? Want to know how to be a New York best seller Nobel Prize winning author? Fine, I’ll tell you. You get a cardboard box from the post office, you rip it apart, and you hold one side of the box. Then you get a glitter pen in any color and start scribbling. When you’re done with that, you smash that on your computer keyboard and open 1990-something MS Word on your computer you got during this decade. Then you have to think of characters, the setting, and the plot/conflict. Since I am the best, here are how to make the best characters. Make at least one of them be very confusing by contradicting what you wrote about him or her or them (can’t forget nonbinary genders, come on now) in Chapter 1 and Chapter 51. Oh and your story has to be over 100 chapters long or else it’s trash. Make them all seem straight and have those high school tropes of emo, punk, princess, stalker, etc. but throw that all away once you hit chapters in the 50s. Then turn them all into not being straight by throwing rainbow sprinkles all over your computer screen. Then of course you have to cry for a total of 10 months before actually going into the setting and plot of your story. Make sure your setting is very vague so your readers will be very confused. Make them in a barren desert for all I care! Make the setting be absolutely nothing! Believe me, I am a professional. Start writing the actual plot once you start writing Chapter 60. What about those 59 other chapters? To heck with them, I dare say! Now that, sweaty, is how to write the best story ever. :^) ♡♡♡♡♡♡

That's obviously how I wrote the story.

For real. Kind of.