Gross Post (feat. story things)

Hi. Finals have started. Heck, time to die.

Well anyway, school is almost over. Woop. Hope I don't fail.

Today, I'm going to make a "poem" about gross feelings. This will make a gross mess of a post.

I'm gonna write about certain things. Haha yes.

So gross. XD 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I feel gross. Disgusted.

Can't get rid of these gross feelings. Oh no, can't do that.

This isn't even a real poem. You've been fooled by the fool.

I lie in bed too much. I'm rotting here. Sometimes it feels like my skin is wax. It feels like it melts in the heat. It's not exactly sweat.

After showering, the gross remains. I hate this.

Having a body is annoying. I'd rather be a ghost. A blue spirit would be totally fine as well. But no. I have a body. On top of that, I'm a human.

Black flash. My hair is too long. Cut it shorter. White flash. My hair is at a good length and is short enough. Don't cut it more. Black flash. Have very short hair and dye it pretty colors. Hair is annoying. White flash. No reason to do that.

Black flash. Female parts. More like an inconvenience. I want to be one with the void. White flash. You're female. Black flash. Probably but. White flash. What? Black flash. I don't know lmao.

White flash. Boobs. Black flash. Ugh no. White flash. Female parts. Female. Black flash. Become a spirit today. Become a cryptid. White flash. How about no? Black flash. Shut up. Umm, flat chest? Sounds nice, dude.

White flash. Come on, Cutepups. Stop being ridiculous. Black flash. Question everything. What is identity? Who and what are you supposed to be? White flash. Stop being influenced. You're your own person, damn it!

Black, white, repeat. Black, white, repeat. Opposites. Where's the gray? The gray is lost.

Ugh, what the heck. Duck. Dick. Duke. Fluke. Duke's a dick. Write this cryptic thing. Why? Just do it. Damn it, brain. What if you were a guy, Cutepups? Ooh. Umm. Oh boy.

I always forget that I haven't revealed their true selves. You don't know his true raw form. Wow, talk about spoilers. When will I find the time to write? I really don't know.

Human form Duke. Ahh, my problematic boy. I'm gonna break his body. I love my characters.

I have story plans with a lot of death and mentions about death, body horror and gore, and angst and emotional wreckage. I'm thinking this so deeply and seriously. But like. I get the feeling that you all think they're all cute. That story stuff doesn't get that deep. But it does. It gets deep.

I'm seriously thinking of rewriting this story because I hate it so much. I started writing chapters again because it's one thing to stay alive for. I started it. It's mine. I can't say that about a lot of things.

I honestly feel so disgusted whenever someone reminds me that almost all the characters are "foxes" like anthros. It makes me so uncomfortable. Yeah, I'm a fool.

In this idealized version of myself, I imagine myself rewriting the story. But they're always humans. No "foxes" or other animals. They're all humans. I only imagine them as humans, anyway. So why keep them as "foxes" if they're more like humans?

In this idealized version of myself, I also imagine myself working on the sequel to Twinkle's Story. But it will have a better name. It also won't be called Twinkle's Story as story one. I really hate that name.

In this idealized version, I replace all the AJ words with my own. No more "Jamaa", no more "Zios", no more "Mira".. none of that. I'll have my own world name, and the characters will stay human. In the story, Zios is the evil father of Danny (Fierdan's other less scary name) and Ryen, and he is a very crappy person. I imagine myself changing his name to another name that starts with the letter, Z. I also imagine myself changing Mira's name as well. Phantoms can stay, I think. I just want to erase all AJ aspects from this story.

You guys won't really get it until I actually write the chapters. But like. The themes in this story can be considered mature. This isn't a childhood fairytale. There are mentions of the following that are yet to come:

Death, killing scenes, detailed torture scenes, talk about murders, talk about suicide (it's to fix a few big plotholes), abusive things which are quite a few things, and assault.

It's bad lmao. This story is a cursed one. Can't stop this fool. If I end up writing it in ugly ways of inaccuracy, please just punch me in the face.

Anyway, remember when Dawn was that creepy character? Well, I love her so much now. She is queen. You don't know how much I love her.

What if Fierdan isn't as much of a merciless killer of many that people believe he is? What if the Jamaa world is just a corrupt game? What if nothing's real? What if everything is a type of illusion?

Ugh, this is very problematic. Okay, I know. Sorry, so sorry. Well, here goes. I got a random idea, the other day.

In Chapter 60, Fierdan talked about this little girl who wore a cute pink outfit. He talked about how he killed her.

But what if. What if Fierdan only killed his father? What if Soulless and the other deaths were all just a sick illusion? Mind f*ck.

Well anyway, I can't stop thinking about Fierdan (or maybe he's known as Danny (post-Fierdan) at this point) being asleep and having this vivid dream where he meets with that little girl he supposedly killed. And the girl is mysterious and an important character. 

I also have this artistic idea about Danny. It's Dawn and their mom covering Danny in flowers. At first, it's sweet and pretty. But then it turns into a gore drawing. Flowers piercing through his body (ex. in his ears and an eye). Thorns making him bleed. The blood dripping onto the petals. Dawn and their mom standing on either side of Danny. Danny sitting in a chair. There is no background.

Ryen isn't there because of the hidden meanings.

Danny (or Fierdan) never actually meets his mom. How sad.

Calliah isn't his mom. That's Duke's mom.

Should I draw it? Will you guys want to see me draw that?

Wait, I went off topic again.

Gross. Gross. I'm gross. I feel gross.

Gross. :/