June Doom

Well, I guess that kinda rhymes. It's June now. Time is passing by.

Sorry lol but this is gonna be another negatively charged post.

Yeah, I did my pictures today. Hope I look decent. Hope I don't look that ugly.

Uh...

Anyone feel gross and uncomfortable in their body at least sometimes? Anyone hate having a body and body parts? Anyone else want to tear their body apart and die?

Wait, what the heck...

:-) :"-) :"-} :"-D

Hormones. Female hormones. Periods. Gross. 0/10 do not recommend. Fluctuating between being fine with being female to being annoyed and disgusted about it. Do not recommend. Bad feel. Whom is gender? 0/10 do not recommend. Do not. !!!

Life is great. Okay, it's great. Everything is perfect.

Pfft no. Not even close.

Gotta do this presentation in a class. After each group went, our teacher deeply criticized everything each group member did wrong. In every group. Even the very good ones.

Criticisms. About everyone. In front of the whole class. Even the slightest imperfect thing. Called out. In front of the class.

Wow guys, that sounds great. Sure makes me feel great when I think about when my group goes next class. (sarcasm)

Haha me. What a fool I am. An anxious fool who gets nervous when public speaking. Fears rejection and failure. Not good with criticism. Feels terrible after getting criticized, especially in front of lots of people.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ahhhhhhh. :"-))

Lately, I've been thinking about drawing and writing some brutally violent story-related things. Disturbing content. Possibly inappropriate.

The one I posted yesterday was one of them. That one is not too inappropriate.

I'm thinking of drawing way more violent things. I'm full of rage and hatred lol.

Oh and yeah. I guess I should say some stuff about that picture from last post.

The body on the left of the paper is supposed to be Duke (human Duke, I should add) after a certain point in the torture chapters. Parts of his hand (or paw, since that's what I call hands in the story) are broken. At least kinda. It's complicated lol. The dark twisting things on the arm and middle finger are trails of blood. Any other thing are scratches or anything like that.

I'm not sure if Duke will actually say that quote. Fierdan/Post-Fierdan might though. I've just been thinking about that sentence and Duke throughout the story.

Like ok. Duke might have been seen as a good guy ("hero") in the beginning-ish part of the story. But that's a sad mistake. Because he's not a good guy or "hero", but he's not the story's villain either.

And I've been thinking about drawing Duke looking at his bloody hand (paw) with slight horror. He does that a lot throughout the story. Bloody hands means something evil lol.

I also think of Danny (post-Fierdan) relating to the sentence (ok, the quote or whatever). In the human world, he's one of the main protagonists. Seen as a good guy. At least kind of. It's complicated lol. But of course Danny thinks they're all sadly mistaken if they think he's a good person. No matter how much he changed, he can't escape the traumas of his past that were inflicted on him by someone else or himself. Danny thinks he's unintentionally manipulating the other characters into thinking he's nice when he thinks he isn't nice at all. But at that point, he is nice. He just won't fully believe them.

Stories are complicated lol.

Umm...

Applied for some jobs today.

Oh heck. Ahh.

I'll be surprised if I don't break down soon. With everything going on.

Oh and one more thing. I'm hearing things from my classmates about their parents. Some of them are so strict. For example, their parents monitor their kids' phones and internet access.

Oh geez. I'm so glad my parents aren't like that. I'll be long gone then lol.

And this one classmate has a mother who might as well be borderline abusive. Like, it's bad.

And I'm here wanting to die? Shut the hell up, Cutepups. Your life is fine.

People are getting killed in tragedies every day. I could have a good future. And yet I simply don't like life.

Damn it. You disgust me, Cutepups. Just go.

Shun me. Cutepups. 0/10. Bad.

...............

I'm sick and tired of so many things. I'm terrified of so many things.

When will everything be okay and not bad? How can it when people are killing people and destroying the world?

What does "okay" even mean in today's world? I don't think anything is even "okay" anymore.

I'm so freaking tired of life being this crappy way. Can't even do anything about it. This is just how things are.

And it sucks. Okay, it just sucks.