Wow, shower thoughts. What a thrill. Shocking experience. Gotta love getting thoughts.
Mmmmmmmmm. :'}}
It's 11 pm. Guess it's time for Cutepups to post.
Fun, fun, fun.
///////////////////
Okay, let me make this clear. I am such a fool. Not the good and funny kind. By fool, I mean I mess up all the time and I can't let go of experiences because of my low self-esteem. Me and my foolish mistakes.
tw: this post has negativity and is another bad post op
Oh and it's been declared official yet again. I failed. I'm a failure.
Got that F. F for Fail. F for I-want-to-Freaking-Die.
Oh yes. Totally got that.
The only thing in life right now that I'm happy about is the story I'm supposedly working on. Haha, still embarrassed about it though.
Everything else, not so much. Life isn't good at all right now. There's more bad than good. Losing it more and more each day.
So much anxiety in these past two days. But will that ever end? Hell no.
Casual anxiety attacks. So much more often now.
So many stressful things. Feeling like it's the end of the world.
Finals are coming up. Ha, ha, ahhhh.
I'm so tired of everything, honestly. I just can't even bother to genuinely care about my life anymore.
Know what's weird? This blog is kinda like an online diary. I post a lot. People can see how much I've grown on this blog with all its growth. People can see how my toxicity evolves.
Fun, fun, fun. Ha, ha, ha.
I haven't listened to twenty one pilots in a long time. Wow. It was either last year or the year before when I would listen to them all the time during the school year and summer.
Be concerned if I suddenly start replaying certain songs of theirs over again.
"Be Concerned"- haha, you're so funny, Cutepups.
Because I would listen to these certain songs when I was not good at all. Very bad times. Bad mental state. Bad times. Don't want to go back there again, but nobody can stop the inevitable.
Anyway, I wanna die.
Don't worry. I'm being ironic. Relatable sad memes, am I right.
Saying that ironically. For the most part. Not all.
Kinda surprised if I don't try the die in the next 5 to 10 years.
Ayy. Anyone else ruining their own life due to poor decisions because they can't seem to give a damn about much of anything anymore? Nah, right. If yeah, then probably not as much as me.
......... *blanks out* .........
*remembers that people my age and younger have done things like drugs and worse crimes*
Oh. Right.
I'm not The Worst, but I'm still Bad At Life.
:^) ;;
*blanks out again; comes out talking in memes*
The "what in --ation" list that plays on repeat in my head:
- what in tarnation
- what in carnation
- what in fire nation
- what in falcon nation
- what in suicide ideation
- what in constellation
- what in deforestation
- what in invalidation
- what in orientation
3, 4, 5. Replays. All the time. Ha, ha.
I feel gross all the time, too. I'm disgusted. Me @ me.
Me after publishing my posts:
???: knock knock
Me: who's there?
???: *kicks down door*
Me: It's The Anxiety!
???: You fool! *punches me in the head and stomach, repeatedly*
Uh yeah. That's me.
Me: *tries to burn this post*
Me: *publishes it instead*
Me: Welcome to hell!
My brain: Fierdan!
Me: Oh crap!
Fierdan: Welcome to Cincernum*!
Story jokes. Why do I even try? I hate myself.
Anyone want to see my cat whom I love?
Not now? No one's here?
Alright then.
Bye.
12:30 am. good time to comment. thought i heard faint banging on the door right now ok then. gotta finish this comment before my memory blanks out. yep it has *goes to reread* (actually didnt reread then cus it came back after I typed that) anyways, my finals, they were like ok. even if i did kinda badly, somewhere in those depths of 70 or less questions my guessing skills must of paid off. the more questions there are=more chances guesses could work. but if u know the material, even better.
ReplyDeletenothing really is interesting.. do u ever feel bored doing something you actually like in the middle of it?
i feel like all this anger against the world i have has corrupted my heart so. and every thought makes it worse.
ok didnt check my finals grades yet. cool ok. feeling tired and um.. kinda grossed out by myself.
cool thoughts to share with anyone who reads the comment section:
yeah.
laters, A
Faint banging, huh? Must be a cryptid after you. Yeah, that's a reason why more questions on exams are good. More guessing chances. Haha, oh yes. I also get bored when I'm in the middle of doing things I supposedly like. TV shows, reading books.. those things. It's annoying. Sick and tired of it and being this way. I'm frustrated and tired of this world, too. But who can blame us with everything that's been going on? Forever mood is gross and tired. It sucks.
Deleteyep of course it is.
Deletesame, me too. (i feel bad cus i dont have much to say to you cus we basically agree/feel mostly the same ??? yeah.) that's true. anyways, doing more things and watching more tv shows is calming and a sea of okay-ness. it might not be so bad, and it may become something you love so i'm okay with chilling with mostly nothing some of the time. i hope during the summer we might chill or whatever like past summers (all I remember is that I like to blog during the summer when it gets boring.) still havent watched atla... ahh, such a good acroynm (sounds like atlas... which relates.) anyways, well, people say change will come eventually and i guess it will. i'm hoping it will change for the better soon. idk bad comment bc i basically repeated stuff. ahh... foolish me.
Yeah, that's how I feel about some TV shows nowadays. The one calming and happy thing in life, pretending it'll all be good and okay. I'm pretty scared for summer to start, too. Ugh. Uh.. by TV shows, one is atla. Love it so much. Was confused when I saw the name abbreviation the first time. like lol what's atla? smh. Felt happy while watching it, and I think you will too. Haha it's okay. Repeating is common between us. We're both fools.
Deleteaw, yeah. :) *continues to comment* hopefully maybe. new tv shows also feels weird but yeah. no more bad and scary things, plz world ive done so much. lol @ me always rb the good luck/wish posts but nothing ever working smh give me the good !!!!
DeleteStarting a new show is always weird. Don't know how to feel about the show. New episodes. Weird feel indeed.
DeleteI'm pretty annoyed at those posts now, tbh. Didn't get any luck either.
HAHAHAHAHAHHA FINALS ARE SO FUN I LOVE DOING 41 ASSIGNMENTS IN 3 DAYS HAHAHHAHAHAH
ReplyDelete(i'm okay don't call the cops)
~neros1234
OK BUT THAT IS ACTUALLY MY SCHOOL LIFE RIGHT NOW.
DeleteSo many "reviews" with so many problems and questions. My Spanish final project is like so many things it's ridiculous. It's like so many assignments for a final. Eesh. :<