awfully random facts about me

Hey guys. If you haven't noticed, I posted some pretty random facts about me last post. I'm going to post more awful (and random too I guess \_(ツ)_/¯) facts about me.

That guy. \_(ツ)_/¯ is my fav. Emoji thing. It's like shrug. Kinda passive-aggressive maybe? Sarcastic? Like, you know like, "I don't know". It's so me. It speaks to me, okay.

I'm safe on here. Good, good. It's all good. (No, I'm a wreck lol I was being sarcastic lol I'm not good).

Which brings me to....

Where I've been.

I bet the 2 or 3 people who still read my blog that I know still do were wondering, "Hey, where has C. Pup been for the past, uh, 2 days? I am like so seriously concerned right now!"

"Shh, shh ignore the fact I bet they know I'm on other sites." << me.

C. Pup? Wtf.

Oh right. So, several things.

For one, does anyone honestly care if I don't post? The answer is.. Nobody.

I'm also stressed about life. Existential crisis to school exams crisis. And everything inbetween too, of course. Like having those social crisises.

And, of course, I'm not happy and I don't want to burden any distant viewers of mine who are still innocent and haven't been on here for too long. Not yet contaminated by my shizposting. Because it's hard to be positive about life.. and, well, me. Because.. yeah.. it's me, okay.

Screw numbers. I'll just say facts about me in sentences or paragraphs. Depending on the facts of course.

These facts might get nasty. Risky. View if you're okay. My life isn't/wasn't all happy. Lol.

It's almost my blog's 2nd anniversary. I'm too scared to check (shh, you are too, stranger.. you are too), but I think it's April 11th. Or April 13th. One of those days. I think it's the 11th though.

For the past few weeks, especially this past week, my eyes have felt like the slightest thing could make me start crying. Teary eyes. Yeah, I cried today. And last night. ("Crybaby, crybaby" ;-;)

I'm alone in my home right now. Excluding my pets, of course. I'm so lonely. 24/7 though. Woop.

Posting on here is one of my coping mechanisms.

I kinda have lowkey trust issues concerning me and friends.

I honestly think I'm clingy to some friends I've made only through the internet. Maybe too clingy. These kinds of friends (idk if they all know this blog exists lol its alright) I have thoughts about them that range from, "Yes, this is a safe person.. friends.. yay!" to "No, I hate this person.". So, haha, my thoughts on people can change very easily. Even in a course of a single day.

I got made fun of in a negative way (aka lowkey bullying) several times in the past.

Because of that, I hate those positive quotes about how being different from everyone else is good. Because, newsflash, it's not. I hate being different. For those reasons I have, I wish I could be the same as most people I know. I'd rather sound "normal" like the rest of my family. I'd rather have "normal" social skills. I'd rather be born (and still be? 
\_(ツ)_/¯) neurotypical (remember, went to 4 therapies during my young childhood). But no. That can't happen. Not all differences are positive okay, whoever says that.. screw them.

I remember at least one event from my childhood that traumatizes (if I'm even allowed to use that word pfft) me every day. Or almost daily.

I have this sketchy memory from several years ago when I was still a child (aka not a tween or teen yet.. I don't think I was a tween then anyways) where I was in an argument with my siblings. Yeah, trigger warning maybe. Lol frick. And I think at one point my sister (maybe my brother too idk anymore) told me out of us three siblings, I would be the one most likely not to be straight and be suicidal. Lol :)) frick my life then. Haha. Because it technically is true. :)) (is asexual and thinks thoughts that might be classified as suicidal to some.. no not details and shiz.. gonna stay alive lol).

I used to always be the shortest or second shortest kid in my classes in elementary (aka primary school). Now I'm not close to being the shortest at all. Woop.

Seriously, don't worry about me in that way. I'm not really suicidal or anything, I promise. I just remembered that bad memory a few days ago. I remember bad memories almost daily lol.

My siblings are way out of their mean jerk phases. Lol don't worry, we're okay. But they've been mean sometimes when we were all children. Nice too, of course. Lol siblings though.

My family decided to get Thelma (our punk little tuxedo cat) because my fish, Sparkle, died. And just like all the previous small pets I had that died, I was very sad when he died. And my birthday was approaching, so yeah, she was my main birthday gift that year. We got her before then though. So around Mother's Day.

My other own personal fish, Angel, (both fish were males lol my name choices though) once was out of his fishbowl for hours. We lost him. He ended up being this blue round shape that we mistook for a toy piece. He survived and was like whatever. I based a whole speech about this incident. I also tried to pet Angel once.. yeah, betta fish don't like being petted. Lol.

My sister is majoring to be a therapist in one of the therapies I went to and needed. At some point I questioned why I still needed that one.

These facts are being so personal, but I don't care. I'm always bored and lonely, so yolo.

I rarely take selfies. I don't like people taking pictures of me except if they're family or I look good and not my usual ugly self.

I'll be 16 in 42 days.

I love and hate getting attention in equal amounts.

I'm on an art block and writer's block right now. Not in the means of no ideas and inspiration, I mean by no motivation and not liking my art works.

Well, I'll end it there. Those facts got deep. Woop.

Well, that's off my chest now. Now you know.

Facts about yours truly. Me.

Please don't hate me.

Don't leave too long of comments.

Thanks.

Bye.