w ow

Hi hello yes Cutepups is midnight posting again. What is sleep amirite.

Where is my grammar? Who knows? This isn't school, okay. This is my coping mechanism blog where all my posts are §h¡+ :').

please don't hate me please don't hate me please don't hate me please don't hate me i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry

So a list of random things that obviously relate to me. Because that's how I roll.

1. Every weekend I'm left alone in the house. Oh so very lonesome being stuck here. My parents just leave late mid-day. So.. house to myself. It's good, it's bad.. I just.. ugh. So anyway for once I spent my time downstairs doing whatever y'know. And then it's 11:30 and I go back up to my room. There Thelma (aka the little punk tuxedo cat) is waiting. I left her alone in my room for around 6 hours. Wow I am stupid.

2. Last night I decided to go on YouTube and listen to just about all the songs on the Blurryface album (tøp ♡) in this edited way called "reversed". But I'm pretty sure, yeah pretty sure it's edited in a way so it isn't only edited by the songs being played backwards. Because that won't add up with the words and the sounds. Okay. So anyways, listening to those songs like that. W ow. Ouch.

3. Chemistry (my subject and class) gives me constant anxiety. I was actually right, I really am §h¡+ at it.

4. My birthday is almost in a month. I'll be 16. I don't feel 16. I'll start having to take actual driving lessons then. I'm very scared of that too. I'm a nervous wreck with tons of insecurities, and you expect me to be a good driver like them? Haha, that's funny. I'll mess up somehow. I'm scared, okay.

Oh another thing. When I was younger, I always was so captivated by the age of 16. Like those "teenage accomplishments" would have been "accomplished" by now. But instead, I feel like I'm not getting better. I'm getting worse and I hate this. Haha, what 15, 16 year old girl is anything like me? Honestly? I can't even talk to anyone right, I'm a nervous wreck, I get sad easily.. this was not what child-me dreamed of being a 16 year old. No one can relate to me. I hate this joke of a life where the joke isn't even funny.

5. You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful. I'm beautiful. I'm beautiful. I'm beautiful. I'm beautiful. Life can be §h¡+ and sometimes the reasons why don't have to be logical. Sometimes it doesn't make sense. We will all get through this somehow. Yes, even you viewers out there that are too shy or nervous or whatever to comment anything.

6. That was my lame attempt at trying to cheer me and you guys (if anyone needs to be cheered up I mean) up.

7. Pfft, I recently posted stuff saying I'm 5'4". Now I think I actually am 5'5". So that means I lied. Oops. My parents said I grew taller. Lol cool I guess I dunno.

8. I finished an anime yesterday. I really should get to finishing those several animes I'm in the middle of watching but stopped watching. Yeah that makes sense.

9. I should make another collab story poll soon. Sorry for the wait. I'm such a dumb irresponsible shoe. What shoe. Yes shoe.

10. Twinkle's Story constantly makes me upset and want to cry. But I still have hope that I'll finish it. Even though I bet you all know what happens, if you've been on here long enough. I've made it pretty obvious. It hurts so much. It hurts reading it. It hurts typing up chapters. It hurts quitting it because then I see myself as a failed writer who can't even finish her own stories. Everything about it is painful at this point. But I can't simply let go of it completely.

Whelp, that's 10. That's a nice even number to finish off with.

Goodbye.